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My girlfriend is mentally ill and is making me depressed

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I have a girlfriend who i love very much.We're both in our twenties we've been dating long term and i thought we were headed towards marriage. A few months into our relationship she revealed to me she suffers from extreme germaphobia as well as a very sever anxiety disorder. At first there were only a few things such as avoiding public bathrooms, she takes two hour showers, and she washes her hands a lot and i learned to deal with it. As of late though shes been getting much worse she cant touch almost anything and at some points she'll completely isolate herself from me which makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong even thought she assures me i'm not. She also refuses to tell me or anyone else whats bothering her. When shes in a good mood things are great but it only takes one small thing to completely ruin a day and then she wont even want to see me at all which makes me feel terrible. She sees a therapist and takes medication but sometimes its not enough. Monday she had a panic attack so severe she had to bre brought to the hospital and be sedated. I cant leave her becuase my feelings for her are still very strong and and i don't think either of us could handle it. We both still live with our parents and she had a major anxiety attack last night forcing me to bring her home. Her mom called me very early this morning while my girlfriend was still asleep she told me last night that my girlfriend confessed to wanting to kill herself ,because the anxiety had become too much to bare, so she wanted me to come over and make sure she didn't do anything in her absence this made me feel physically ill and made me extremely upset. When she awoke with me in the house she was really upset but she calmed down and it seemed like we would have a good day but after a few hours she had another attack made me leave saying i could comeback after her shower but now she wants me to stay away making me feel worse. Before i met her i suffered from depression as well but it seemed to dissipate because i've never felt so in love before. Now that i've become so attached its making it worse and i feel completely helpless because no matter how hard i try nothing cheers her up. I've been cring alot lately and i feel like i'm heading towards a breakdown. I have no idea what to do and no matter what i feel hopeless. I'm starting to hate myself.
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replied June 25th, 2009
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you have no reason to hate yourself. i dont mean to be rude but i feel like she shouldve told you in the begining about her health issues.
have she talked to her therapist about changing her medication to something that is more effective. sometimes it may be a trial and error of picking the right medicaton. i say this because i took prozac and i didnt like it.
i m sorry to hear that your going through this. this problem seems overwhelming for you. i know you love her, but you are being drained out.
do you know what kind of medication she is taking?
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replied June 26th, 2009
she did tell me relatively quickly but she id deeply ashamed of her condition.she recently started taking ativan and prozac.
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replied June 26th, 2009
Experienced User
Has any one ever thought of or suggested nutritional balancing to try & help her & you with the moods & deppression?
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replied June 28th, 2009
i'm not quite sure what her therapists suggests. I'm not very familiar with that though.
Also things are getting worse it seems like everytime we have plans she cancels because of her phobia or something in regards to that i.e. she touched something dirty and she has to shower for two hours. also she is now taking two to three two hour showers daily.
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replied June 28th, 2009
Experienced User
i don't believe any therapist or medical person would be interested in helping with nutritional balance, it is some thing you could study yourself of gain help with from an orthomolecular nutritionist. are you, or she on any vitamin or mineral suppliments, i know for depression the Vit B complex is important as it helps with nerve function & nervousness, a good one should have all the B gtoup vitamins as well as calcium & magnesium which helps us be calm & balanced, a good place for you to learn about vitamin & mineral balancing is ithyroid.com this is an educational site & is valuable in knowing how & why we need to be balanced. if our bodies don't have the correct nutrients it cant function properly as a complete system.
Feel free to reply more if i can be of further help to you.
does your GF realise how we need bacteria etc to allow us to have a healthy immune system?
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replied June 29th, 2009
ok I'll take a look at the site. And yes she does realize this but like any phobia its an irrational fear so she doesnt think about it in a rational manner like you and i might.
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replied July 2nd, 2009
Experienced User
i had this same problem nearly ten yrs ago, mine was a mild case & the only thing that seemed to change was diet so i can assume that change gave me a different nutritional access that helped clear the problem, i don't to this day remember what it was or could have been that helped.
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replied July 9th, 2009
i feel so utterly useless. Things get better for like a min we'll have an amazing day then the next they'll be ten times worse. I feel like my life is out of control. I keep pushing myself to be stronger to support her and for a short time i'll feel ike i'm a good boyfriend because she'll cheer up but then they get worse again and i just don't know what to do. I can't sleep. I have to force myself to eat most of the time because i never feel hungry anymore. I've lost weight to the point my mom has noticed. Also i keep experiencing mild to severe pain in my chest and stomach. I don't know what to do anymore and i'm losing hope. I know this isn't her fault and she cant control it so i tend to just blame myself. I just want to be happy again but its starting to feel more and more out of reach.
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replied January 19th, 2010
I have the same situation, deeply in love (almost married) couple, where the girlfriend needs extremely long periods of isolation due to severe social anxiety. many women have social anxiety, and the in-doorsy type always has it the worst. It leads to more isolation and therefore, more anxiety in social situations.

She takes adavan and some others, but she refuses to take a certain medication that nearly cures her social paranoia because it makes her gain weight. She hardly ever does the house hold chores, a complete sociopath, she's always depressed, hates her job, has an addiction to marijuana and has a very long history of mental issues.. yet she's over the worst of them. She refuses to meet my family and now she sleeps in a different bed. but she loves me very deeply, sometimes more than other times, and she is telling the truth. The problem is, she behaves the same no matter what. It's like having nobody there period, but I care about her well-being, and all this makes me so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed. She hates that I care because it's something she assumes will always be apparent until the end of time.

My quality of work on the job has suffered greatly because of it too. In fact, I might get fired if I keep this up, but I feel weak and dead inside because I am faced with breaking up with someone I love so much I'll do anything for, and all for a seemingly shallow desire for human interaction and the warmth an actual, human relationship deserves.

The atmosphere is so cold I feel unwelcome in my own apartment.
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replied July 21st, 2010
Hello,I'm relieved to know that Im not the only one that is going through this. My partner too suffers from anxiety.
One of the most helpful things I can suggest, that works for me, is to set up a routine with your partner. For example (if you both are employed) tell her that on monday night you will meet up, then on tuesday you wont, wednesday is a maybye, etc. This does a few things, it allows you to see your partner, it gives her time to herself, so she knows, ahh its ok if i have a really bad anxious day on tuesday as i can just keep myself to myself, it lets you know, 'ah on tuesday i can chill out at home and its all ok, no ones going to be getting upset or anything, and it also gives your partner the chance to make an effort on the days when you do meet up, knowing that she can be not so good the next day when she's alone again.
Being Frank, both of you need to make an effort with this. If your partner loves you, she wont enjoy being like this around you, and she will happily work towards making the relationship sound. If the girls mental state is such that she is not possible to make any effort to improve the relationship, then I hate to say it, but it would be better if you just became friends. As far as I am aware you are not a trained psycologist, and it is completely unfair to you if you have to make all the effort. That changes the relationship from parter parter to carer person disabled person. And I dont belive that is a fair relationship for either of you. If her state is very bad it might be worthwhile getting her a full time carer. I dont know. But I do know that up to this point you have done a sterling job and you should give yourself a big pat on the back.

Best Regards
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replied January 28th, 2011
mentally ill depressed girlfriend solution
your girlfriends out of order...i tell you what my girlfriend is the same, i find giving her a few hardcore slaps around her peanut head does the trick. it sounds harsh but man i feel like im going to loose it, I feel so depressed because of these reasons, but i know the answer and solution. I am feeling much better now. so my friend remember, when she tries to get all depressed and mentally ill on your ass, give her a hard one, then rape her. It works all the time for me :}, trust me you'll feel alive again and like a brand new guy.
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replied February 7th, 2011
You and your girlfriend, think about it. Worth it?
I'm in a very similar situation. Over four year long relationship with my GF. Mental/psychological issues seem to be so, so, so common now. Most times, these issues are probably genuine. Sometimes, people are just brats and don't know or want to live in reality and don't want to deal with societies unpleasantness. My GF is a combination of both. It's caused so many problems for me that I've lost count long ago of how many problems her way of being has actually caused. I'll get to my point, I don't think my GF will ever change even though she says she's trying. It's been more than four years and it's still the same. I know I need to leave her because it's taking a tremendous toll on my happiness, confidence, mental and physical health. It's not worth it. The cons greatly out weigh the pros. She gets a lot out of our relationship and I don't get much at all. For your sake, you should make an attempt to find someone without the damage. It's not fair to you. You WILL regret staying with her over and over as I have. It's no way to live out the rest of your life. Pursue happiness but she will not give you happiness consistently, I know. Peace.
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replied February 7th, 2011
brillopad wrote:
I have the same situation, deeply in love (almost married) couple, where the girlfriend needs extremely long periods of isolation due to severe social anxiety. many women have social anxiety, and the in-doorsy type always has it the worst. It leads to more isolation and therefore, more anxiety in social situations.

She takes adavan and some others, but she refuses to take a certain medication that nearly cures her social paranoia because it makes her gain weight. She hardly ever does the house hold chores, a complete sociopath, she's always depressed, hates her job, has an addiction to marijuana and has a very long history of mental issues.. yet she's over the worst of them. She refuses to meet my family and now she sleeps in a different bed. but she loves me very deeply, sometimes more than other times, and she is telling the truth. The problem is, she behaves the same no matter what. It's like having nobody there period, but I care about her well-being, and all this makes me so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed. She hates that I care because it's something she assumes will always be apparent until the end of time.

My quality of work on the job has suffered greatly because of it too. In fact, I might get fired if I keep this up, but I feel weak and dead inside because I am faced with breaking up with someone I love so much I'll do anything for, and all for a seemingly shallow desire for human interaction and the warmth an actual, human relationship deserves.

The atmosphere is so cold I feel unwelcome in my own apartment.


I feel for you too brother. I relate 100% with you and the original poster. Got to take that step. There are millions of women out there who are not suffering mentally. We CAN'T fix the ones who are damaged. We deserve to live a happy life with positive, loving partners. I got to go, you've got to go and the poster needs to go. Don't be afraid of being alone for a while. It might even help you get your head together again.
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replied May 11th, 2011
Depressed Girlfriend
Wow, as someone who has just went thru a terrible night unsuccessfully trying to calm my girlfriends depression, its just a relief to be able to write about this to anyone who understands the impossibility of this task.

Me and my girlfriend are in college and have been dating for just under a year. A few months into dating she revealed that the prior summer, she had been sexually assualted by someone at her summer camp. Despite the mental damage and depression, she was always too embarrassed to reveal to her family and friends the extent of her issues, and neglected proper care.

Beyond becoming more addicting to marijuana, she isolated herself from her friends and came to view me as her only support here at school. Recently, she has become more despondent, and unable to enjoy any activities or conversation.

My girl is beautiful and sweet but her depression has literally driven me depressed and made it impossible to love her. She doesn't appreciate my care and how hard I try to help because she cannot appreciate anything. She is moving back home in two days for a more intensive therapy program and we are breaking up. The next two days will be hard tho...
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replied November 4th, 2012
depression
I'm going through the exact same thing. I know a year is merely anything, but my girlfriend and I are deeply in love. I've gotten to know her family extremely well and there's no way that I could possibly just break up with her because everyone's would hate me.my girlfriends family suffers from depression and they take medication for it. When I first met my girlfriend, she was already heading into a downwward spiral of drinking and smoking. After we we began dating, all of that stopped and we truely realized that we just couldn't live without one another. It's real. It can happen over the shortest period of time. It was perfect until she really began to believe that she was depressed and just needed pills to fix her. I felt like such a failure and tht I just couldnt let her change. I know she was depressed, but I could get her through, I was important enough, right? After sever suicide attempts and fights, she decides to turn to meds and now, things are just different. She acts like a totally different person and she's always so hyper. I feel like someone left and idk if they'll be back. I want her to eventually stop taking them but shes already made up her mind. She won't. I feel so helpless and so left out, I feel worthless cause I'm not worth it to her anymore. I don't know what to do.
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replied August 30th, 2013
I am going through this situation. I love my girlfriend so much but dealing with the moods I am finding very hard. She is now isolating herself from me and I find this hard to deal with. She has a history of mental health problems in her family. I don't know what to do, I can't get no where near her, she keeps it all in. I try to talk but get told to leave it , I love her deeply and want to try..
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