My Girlfriend is Bullimic Posted: 03-06-08 01:00am
Ok, well my girlfriend is Bullimic and it
has been about 1 year since I found out,
we have been together 2 years now. Since
I have found out I have tried every
approach I could think of to get her help.
I have started working out regularly and
ask her to go with me all the time, also I
won't snack when she is around. I have
actually called counselors and talked to
them. I spent 3 months where I promised
her we would only talk about it if she
brings it up. Even when I have found her
Cup fool of crap I didn't get mad or
anything I just tried to talk to her. I
also asked her one thing, that she would
not lie or hide it from me any more, that
she needed to be honest with me. There
was a period where she swore to me that
she wasn't purging any more and that she
was planning on getting help. I looked
like a fool when her parents would say she
needs to stop throwing up and I would
defend her saying she swore to me she
isn't anymore. Then I found a cup again.
Well Now she has still not gotten help,
she is claiming that she hasn't done it
for so many weeks and that she won't do it
anymore. But I know she did it today
cause she spent alot of time in the
bathroom and I saw a bit on the seat and
there was a toothbrush under the sink and
it was wet, oh and I know it is the
toothbrush she uses cause I found it
before.
Now I am at my breaking point. What do I
do now. I have printed up information,
free group meeting locations and times,
free phone counseling numbers and nothing.
She always has an excuse. Now do I break
up with her? I know she will get worse at
first but I am hoping if she looses me
because of her bullimia she will actually
try to fight it and not try to push it
aside. Also, I know it is not really my
place but if I break up with her do I tell
her best friend? I think she needs
support, but I really can't do it anymore.
I think anytime there is any kind of
sneaking or lying in a relationship it
doesn't work.
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benc152
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , Australia
Posted: 03-06-08 01:19am
my mum has had bulimia for as long as i
can remember, and i know exactly how hard
it is for you. someone you love is
disintigrating in front of you . even with
rehab clinics my mums probs stay the
same...
and i hate to say it but you can't force
them to get treatment, recovery programs
don't work if they don't want it for
themselves.
just stand by her, encourage her and hope
to god she decides to do it for herself.
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z8NeonGenesis
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 58
Posted: 03-06-08 04:57am
Yeah, there is not much u can do, i had a
friend and u can do nothing but wait for
it to go down down down, just be there to
support her and encourage her She will one day
relise.
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lg31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 7
I don't know Posted: 03-06-08 17:57pm
She has been doing this off and on for
almost 10 years. It's been 2 years since
we got together and I am 28 and she is 24
I want to plan a future. I am thinking it
shouldn't be with her.
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blueyesmile
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2008 Posts: 7 Location: Lee's Summit, Mo USA
Posted: 03-13-08 20:14pm
if you haven't already, you need to sit
down and tell her your plans for the
future. if you do break up, still be there
for her. its hard to watch someone with an
ED, and sometimes you need to physically
drag them to therapy to save them. i would
never go on my own, and i'd be mad at the
person who dragged me there. but
eventually i would realize it, even if it
takes a few years.
even if you don't marry this girl, don't
just leave her high and dry on her own.
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benc152
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , Australia
Posted: 03-13-08 20:32pm
I would break from the relationship if i
were you.
I know its tough and it seems a bit unfair
but the truth is it'll get to a point when
you have to put yourself first. she
doesn't want help ... don't let her drag
your quality of life down too.
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lg31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 7
We broke up Posted: 03-13-08 20:36pm
I was told by the counselors I talked to
on the phone that I can not drag her to
therapy. that actually she needs to
decide to go and get better. They said
that her ED is about control and if I
start controlling her that even if she
does get better it won't be a healthy
relationship. Now she is blaming me for
her not getting better.
|
lg31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 7
Oh THank you Posted: 03-13-08 20:38pm
Everyone thank you for the advice that was
giving on here. The people were very
helpful.
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needy_girl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 11
Posted: 03-13-08 21:08pm
I really don't think you should leave her
because of this. If you loved her you
would stick by her no matter what and help
her through it. Recover does not come
overnight, I have been struggling with the
same disorder for almost 4 years now, and
my boyfriend is a huge suport system,
before him i was doing ti up to 5-7 times
a day, and now I'm down to only once a day
even if that. Being with him has made me
feel like I don't have to be perfect,
because I am perfect in his eyes. I know
in the future I will conquer this disease,
but if it wasn't for his support I might
be sicker than I am today. So please don't
give up on her. Your support might mean
more to her than you realize.
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lg31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 7
Ok Posted: 03-13-08 21:16pm
Well I have talked to other bulimics that
say the exact opposite of what you are
saying. I didn't leave her because She is
bulimic. I left her cause she won't let
me help. That I try to talk to her and
try to be caring and she pushes me away.
Because she is constantly sneaking around
telling me she isn't doing yet I find
evidence that she is . Even if your
dishonest about a disease it is still
being dishonest. Enough Dishonesty will
destroy a relationship. Also, I have been
trying to get her to take the first step
to recovery for over 1 year. But still
that isn't why we broke up. It is the
wear and tear of lying about it. If she
would have been honest to me then she
would have had to be honest to herself.
WHen I found her toothbrush this time she
denied it. Then she told me to get out. I
didn't get mad or anything. You need to
make sure that you include him, because he
loves you your sickness is his sickness.
If you hide anything from him eventually
it will tear you apart especially since he
is supporting you. I did that and she
still hid. You can't help someone if they
won't let you. Hopefully her loosing me
will get her to step up and fight her
problem.
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benc152
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , Australia
Posted: 03-14-08 01:01am
amen to that bro
i'm sorry it ended that way but i
completely agree with what you wrote
She will one day
relise.
