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my girlfriend cant cum

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My girlfriend is Lebanese and has never had an orgasm. I believe she has several small ones, but not the big bang. I'm very in tune with her sexually and do a lot of different things and she has gotten close but not. She enjoys sex and the feeling of it more then any woman ive ever seen. Uncontrollable even. But can't reach it.
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replied June 6th, 2012
Community Volunteer
It seems like you have a misconception of what an orgasm is for a woman. It is actually much better for her to seek help if she is having a problem, rather than you. Unless you think there is something wrong with your technique?

Communication is very important during sex. She can tell you exactly what happened. She can even tell you what she wants you to do more of, and what she does not like.

Best of luck!
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replied June 7th, 2012
I disagree with kg. I am a 49 year old, rarely experienced the big bang with a man. Have had it many times with a vibrator! I try and try with my spouse. Is there a secret?
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replied June 7th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Care to explain what you do not agree with?
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replied June 7th, 2012
Sorry kg, I read the original comment incorrectly. Your comment is correct!
Just wondering...brijr...what does it matter that your girlfriend is lebanese? Did you mean lesbian?...did she tell you she doesn't have big orgasms with you, and when does she have them? My husband thinks he is in tune, a real authority......but he doesn't listen and doesn't follow direction, therefore he doesn't have a clue. Surrender yourself to your girlfriend... open communication is very important. GL
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replied June 8th, 2012
Community Volunteer
LOL, that will be funny, and make me look differently at the Lebanese Smile

What you are experiencing is not unusual, not by a long shot. The reason is that your sex organ is your clitoris, not your vagina. Your vagina is a birth canal, the outlet for menstrual debris, mucus and infections, and a safe place for a male partner to deposit his sperm to impregnate you. It is largely devoid of nerve endings to protect you during natural child birth.

Your clitoris on the other hand has over 8000 nerve endings, the densest of any organ in the human body. And that is only in the glans. The glans is just the tip of a massive clitoral complex that goes 15 cm inside your body. Two bulbs run under your labia around the vagina towards the anus. The legs goes deep into your body. Today the speculation is that the so called 'g spot' and vaginal orgasms are actually the deep structures of the clitoral complex getting stimulated.

Some women will develop feeling in their vagina, typically in their late 20's or early 30's. It is not clear if they have different anatomy, or just manage to activate the deep structures of the clitoral complex through persistence and practice.

During intercourse, the vast majority of women do not get enough stimulation on their clitoris to orgasm. The way to fix that is to rub the clitoris or use a small clitoral vibrator (so to be blunt, masturbate while he is inside you).

The second way is to change the mechanics of intercourse. Tilt your pelvis and grind and rub your clitoris on him during intercourse. Sex does not have to be the traditional up/down or in/out affair. Even better - get on top where you control angle, depth, tempo and you can take his hands and make him do what you want.

There is also a specialized and advanced sex position that is almost guaranteed to give you an orgasm. It is called Coital Alignment Technique (or C.A.T.). You can google it. It is quite difficult to describe here.

The length of time for penis in vagina intercourse also have a direct relationship to your ability to orgasm. In contrast, foreplay was found to not have such a big influence on your ability to orgasm.

So there is the secret that women do not talk about, and that we do not pass on to our daughters. We just assume something is wrong with as and play along. Of course there are a very small number of women that will never ever orgasm, or never with a partner. These are however a very small number.after therapy and education, only a fraction of 1 percent stays anorgasmic.

Your hormones are also changing. As you go through menopause, your vaginal walls and lips lose their fluffiness and become thinner and less elastic (due to the changes in estrogen and testosterone). So lubrication becomes more and more important. It may also take you longer to get aroused and reach orgasm, even with your vibrator. The secret to combatting that is to stay sexually active. Masturbation or sex, it does not matter. Going through a complete sexual arousal cycle will keep your genitals in good condition. Kegel exercises can also do wonders to improve your experience of sex.

I hope this helps!
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