My medically induced Miscarridge (Medical abortion) 6 weeks and 5 days on NHS in England.
Ok, first off I would like to say that I am writing this for closure and in the
hope that i will help someone apprehensive just like myself. I found this website really useful and I decided that i
would write and tell my story however it went. Reading other peoples stories
helped and also scared me half to death!!! But you really dont get much info from the medical team in my experience and there is nothing like personal reassurance. please feel free to ask me any questions i would love to help!!
I am 27, in a secure relationship but had just been offered a new job and accepted
I was set to move millions of miles from my family and was starting a new chapter of
my life. I had lots to look forward to my career, buying a house, getting married,
becoming secure. The timing couldn't of been worse. However this was a my mistake
and i knew i would love the baby and be a good mum. I just didn't want to be yet. I have always been on the mind that I agreed with abortion if it was in the early stages however faced with it it was the
Hardest decision ever and one i never thought i would find myself making, i love
babies and am a very maternal person, but i knew that the timing was bad and i would
not be able to provide what i wanted to for a child. After much fretting and talking with my supportive bf, i decided to have the abortion. I was petrified and riddled with guilt.
So first appointment I was scanned externally she said i was 5 weeks just I couldnt look at the screen and didn't want to, i was very emotional. I then saw the doctor and told her i wanted to the surgical option as i knew it would be the quickest and less traumatic. She advised me that i would have to wait until i was 8 weeks as the failure rate was so high if earlier than this, i knew i couldnt do that, I wanted it over quickly as i didnt want it to develop and beome a fetus (as i saw it). Anyway they advised my only option was the medical and i had to wait over a week so they could test my blood- i have previously been anemic.
1st appointment - Tuesday, this was 5mins long, i talked to the nurse who was friendly but inpersonal (better than all the others who were blunt, and unsympathetic). I swallowed one anti sickness tablet and then one Mifepristone I was advised that 50% of women bleed slightly and cramp, and read that 2% miscarry. I was told to come back 2 days later for the final tablets.
Initially i got no symptoms then the following evening (Wednesday) felt a gush of blood (no pain) this continued through the night, the following morning (Thursday) I felt something funny only to go to the loo to see a huge (size of a lime) jelly clot, then another small clot. At this point I thought i must have miscarried.
I then had to rush to my 2nd appointment, I told the very abrupt nurse what had happened, and she said it was quite likely i had in fact miscarried already, and rushed me into another room for a scan - this was internal. The doctor said "it is still going ahead sorry". The nurse then gave me 2 tablets - 1 ibroprofen, and 1 anti sickness. she then said because i was bleeding i could not have the pesseries (misoprosol) internally as i would bleed them out, so i had to hold them in my cheeks for 20 mins before swallowing. At this point i was petrified I had alread read doing this gives u bad side effects and I had had all my hopes pinned on that i had already miscarried. I did what she said then went home.
15 minutes later i started getting pains like strong period cramps which grew worse and worse it was shooting down my legs and burning and i could no longer stand, i went and sat on the toilet and this is where it got nasty. I am not going to lie, I didn't know pain existed like it. It took over my whole body roaring through it in waves of ache, pain and burn, the left side of my body went numb i couldn't feel my hands or face or legs i was shivering then boiling, i had to pant to breathe and just rocki couldnt cry because it hurt too bad. My boyfriend lay with me just starring in disbelief. I could not move or talk there was no break between the contractions, I started being sick all over the floor but didnt care i was zoning in and out of consciousness. I bled a little whilst sitting there but not lots.
Half an hour later the pain had stopped and the nurse called i told her what i had experienced and she said "pain wont kill you love, i want to know how much blood you've lost". anyway i was bleeding but not gushing, I changed my pad often and had small clots but nothing like the first lot. i was scared the pain would happen again but it didnt and to be honest as horrid as that first half hour was after that it was just bad period pain completely managable with a hot water bottle (priceless).
My tip would be take the strong pain killers they give u before the pesseries no matter what they say!!! make sure u have someone that loves u to look after you, and some stick on heat pads for your back and a hotwater bottle for your front. Nightime ultra pads (but not huge as its difficult to gage the bleeding then)
I was really scared that it hadn't worked because i had read stories of clots and felt that if i had already had one huge clot and still hadn't miscarried how big was the one i was waiting for going to be??!
I went for a scan 3 days later but it was complete just some tissue which will work its way out slowly. So when people say they know they passed the sac etc I would say they may think it is but it possibly isn't, U could make a feutus shape out of any little clot, trust me i did with everything i saw!
In all honesty despite how confused, upset and guilty i felt before hand, I feel relief now and Know i made the best decision for me. However i am emotional and still feel terrible about it all.
Ladies my experience was very painful. And i do think they completely downplay the pain although i know different for everyone. I wanted to have it as soon as i could because i felt so guilty and could not have done this past 6 weeks, but if i could have had the option i would do the surgical everytime. This will never happen to me again. I am very sorry you find yourself in this situation just do what is right for you, having a child is such a huge responsibility something that you have to be sure about.
Everyone Makes Mistakes, just read your post. I realize you had your abortion a couple of months ago. Want you to know I appreciate you sharing your story. I hope you are moving past some of the emotions you were feeling when you wrote this post and that you are doing good. I had an abortion over a year ago (October 2010) and when I say I understand a great deal, I mean it. If it offers you any comfort, I struggled emotionally for awhile after I had it done. But after I got through all the emotional ups and downs, I can honestly say I am better post abortion then I was pre-abortion. I am proud of myself for making the decision I did, for making my choice.