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My ex boyfriend won't leave me alone!

I'm scared of my ex boyfriend ,
I ended it with him about 3 weeks ago because he was really controlling and wanted me to himself, it all got to much so I ended it with him. He Yousto get angry with me if I went to Round to my friends
If I spoke to a boy, then he would get paranoid and call me horrible names
If I took five minutes to reply back on text he would yet again get angry with me
It came to the point that I diddnt have a social life and I lost all my friends because he wouldn't let me be with them.
It all got to much for me, it came to the poit when I am scared of him because of the things he Yousto call me
I split up with him 3 weeks ago,
When I split up with him he said he was going to ruin my life and also said that he will do somethin stupid, I then received a message saying ''I hope you come to my funeral"
Thankfully he diddnt do anything stupid.
I went to my friends house last weekend and it was a gathering of friends just having a catch up , there was about 10 people there, I got a text of him saying 'come outside' i looked out the window and he was stood there, I went outside and he was shouting at me telling me to go home, I told him I was just having a good time with my mates and walked back in the house.
I then got a text message saying 'watch what happends Wink'
10 minutes later after recieving the message tere was a knock on the door and there was a boy boy stood there with a balaclava on with a gang of lads behind him including Alex all shouting at me to get outside, he did all of that just to get me home.
I have never been so scared in my life, it gets me upset that he would do something like that, when I first got with him he was the sweetest guy and mad me feel so special but then he became different and paranoid and obsessive.
I really don't know what to do he doesn't stop trying to get in touch with me and sends me horrible messages.
Please help me
Thankyou xxxxxxxx
Ps - we are both 16 and I was with him for a year.
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replied September 28th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Hello kthall,

It is true there are maladjusted people around of all ages and they can appear so normal when you meet but that soon disappears...

First none of this is your fault and it is his problem.

Second he is harassing you and seems to be making threats - what he did while you was with your friends was against the law and you should report the incident to the police.

You should certainly change your phone number and do not ever contact him or respond to him again by any means. I also suggest you change your email and tell your parents or guardians and ask them to contact his parents and explain.

If nothing works and he still tries to pester you your parents should consider a court injunction against him being any closer to you than a specific distance. Save emails and messages he has sent for evidence and note the date, time and circumstances and the names of any witnesses.

If he should attempt to molest you in any way do not hesitate, contact the police and swear a warrant for assault against him.

For as long as you can manage try not to be alone, especially if you need to go out. As far as possible take all sensible precautions for your personal safety - this boy is probably not really a dangerous lunatic but it is wise to be cautious...

I am sorry for your trouble and hope this helps a little...
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replied September 29th, 2012
Kthall,

I'm sorry that you're having to experience this, especially so early in life.

One comforting thing I can tell you is that you recognizing that you don't want to be around him is a HUGE step. Many women have trouble letting the guy go for fear of the situation you're unfortunately having to go through now. So kudos to you for not stepping down in fear to him.

Now your ultimate goal is this: do not let him control your life. I was offended when my friends told me this when I was in your position because I was thinking, "Do you not understand that I'm afraid of him? How can I not let this control me?" But, you will eventually get to that point where you can live your life without fear.

However, at this point he is still an imminent threat to you. I don't know if he has ever physically abused you, but if he hasn't, I think there's a better chance of him eventually getting tired of chasing you around and finding a new girl to obsess over. That said, you have a decision to make. You can get the police involved and possibly stir up something that he was going to tire of anyway, but keep this from happening to others if he is intimidated by the police. Or you can keep your guard up, stay protected, and let it die down on its own. My personal opinion, which is only that, is to leave the police out until he gets physical. By law, the police can't do anything unless you have proof that you are in imminent danger, which can't be "One of these days, you'll get what you deserve..." It has to be plainly stated (which is the dumbest police protocol ever) that he is going to attack you, such as "I hope you stay home tonight, because I'm going to give you what you deserve." That's why I think it is better to leave the police out of it for now, not necessarily because they aren't helpful, but at this point they CAN'T be.

Do let your parents or a trusted adult know, so they can stay alert, too. You'll be surprised at how comforting that can be. Also, let your friends know what is going on. My friends know the history with my ex and that he still constantly uses ploys to get me to come back to him after 3 years (sorry, I know that isn't reassuring), so they are protective of me when we go out anywhere that he might be.

I hope that your situation gets resolved quickly and that you can continue on peacefully with your life. Stay safe.
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