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my emotions are completely frozen and I want them

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I've been really stressed out over the past 2 years, but I was able to still have a great time in my life. I encountered an incident at school, very uncomfortable. But I am a young woman in my early 20's, and my anxiety was already high as it is. My mind and OCD tells me I'm gay when I'm not. I thought about it but it doesn't make comfortable. My ex an I were having problems but I still loved him. After this incident it was a girl who looked like a man checking me out. (awkwardd). Then walking around it triggered girls/woman of all ages even my own cousins and best friends. Even the butch girls that looked like men. My anxiety was convincing its ok to like girls in that way esp them...when my anxiety raged higher...So i blocked all of my emotions. I became numb, irritated more, jealous over things i was never jealous for, Music didn't sound the same, movies didn't make sense. I isolated myself becaus of my thoughts. My anxiety felt so convincing! But I wasn't buying it because I know I'm not gay. If I was I wouldn't feel this anxious or uncomfortable with it. I think girls are attractive but wanting to be with them I dont feel that need at all. even tried to back track to think if I was gay and I wasn't. When I was near hot attractive men I wouldnt get turned on anymore...I got scared!! The voices wont go away and its annoying me. it refrained me from going to my classes even work sometimes. Then it lead to 2 sucicide thoughts, and having sexual thoughts about my own family..my emotions definitely became blocked...i feel guilty and ashamed.Now my mind cant tell the difference between the different kinds of love not even for my family. I lost 11lbs in the past 5 months without trying. My appetitie for food...went away i force myself to eat instead of enoying it. I became clingy around men and i forgot how to win them over. I broke up with my ex but I felt no emotion or even hurt when i did it but we had an argument anyway.I was annoyed with myself even more the fact that i felt like i was dealing with so many emotions all at once. i forgot the meaning of life and my purpose of what i was doing in my life. I want to get married with a man and have kids someday. and this thing that happened to me ruined my life and i want to feel like myself again. i even avoided hanging out with my friends and cousins. Obviously its an OCD obession. I stopped loving my family, friends and myself. my emotions are completely frozen and I want them back..I refuse meds but idk what to do anymore. im doing therapy right now.... Someone please help me with advice or any similar experiences!

my heart doesnt feel the same or happy like it use to. i feel down and annoyed with myself. My mind doesn't work as fast as it use. I know i was feeling depressed on and off months before this happened. my moms health wasn't so good either, but i was able to hang out with my friends,family.i lost all my passions and all the hings i loved to do i stopped doing them.its one thing to feel down and not want to do things here and there but ive been like this for 5 months. its pissing me off. what should i do?

ps: ive had all the symptoms of panic and anxiety. I went to the hospital to get checked twice blood work and chest xrays. I limited all the physical symptoms and everything was fine.
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