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Q: My cry for help...Im lost
asked by:
lost_soul87
on March 8th, 2009
New User
I just recently got out of a miserable relationship, in which I thought I couldnt be happier. It was a rough year for me and my ex, I have been thru a lot. Besides his verbal and phsysical abuse (sometimes sexual you could very well say) I was cheated on and lied to more than once. If anyone would care enough to hear this entire story, one would wonder why I went back to him more than once, and how I've manage to come so far. It wasnt so miserable the whole time tho. In the beginning, I was everything he's ever wanted since the day he seen me. I loved being with him. He made me feel like a princess. I felt loved, important, needed, and appreciated. No one has EVER treated me like that, I was so grateful and never wanted to lose it. The feeling was phenomenal. My heart flutters now thinking about that feeling Im afraid i'll never feel. It couldnt get better I thought. Yes, we had normal fights a couple would have, but would make up. Sometimes a fight would escalade to a week break, but got back together.
It was our last month when things started going sour again. He expected me to read his mind, yet I couldnt just as he couldnt read mine. He changed into a completely different person. He's a hypocrit, very very very immature, codependent, bad tempered, hard headed, still lives with his parents which they still take care of him, terrible drug use, has no job and has no intentions of getting one. I was so miserable. The clothes I wasnt allowed to wear anymore, the ppl I wasnt allowed to speak to, who I was allowed to spend time with, the time I was allowed with my friends. I lost all of my privledges while he still was allowed his. I no longer made him happy anymore, and it broke my heart. Its all I ever tried to do. Everything I tried to do, was wrong and only got me in trouble. I could do no right. He accused me of cheating, which ive never done, and flirting with everyone, which im afraid to speak to anyone. He would yell at me for the most immature things. I would hang my head in public in fear that someone would try and hit on me...or make eye contact when he was around. He scared me. I never spoke anymore, I was always afraid to say the wrong things. I was afraid to make the first move to holding his hand, but it warmed my heart when he reached for mine. Despite how he's treated me, I still love him. I had seriously high hopes that someday he would come around or it was just a phase. But he didnt, he only came with disappointment.
Im hurt and mad at myself for falling in love with him. Im tired of crying about it, as it does no good but make me feel weak. I miss him so much, but I have so much anger with him right now, that if I were to ever see him again, i'd do serious damage. I want to hurt him more than he's hurt me. It sounds terrible, but its all I could think about last night. Besides my ex shredding my heart into a million pieces ive had other problems. I had the worst year in 2008, still trying to recover. I had over 600 dollars stolen from me, ppl betrayed me, ppl stole my belongings, I lost friends I never wanted to lose because of my ex, I was paying for a vehicle that broke down a few months after buying it, and I was miserable at my current job. After losing that job because of my ex, the only positive thing I can think of for 2008 was having a job after I loss mine. Now, after given the chance of a promotion I find out that the position was handed to an alcoholic that cant even wake up before 11 am. I havent even gotten a raise yet. Just a few days ago, I discovered that this young girl that was staying with us, had been stealing from me. That broke my heart too....after all ive done for her.
My heart aches every minute of the day. My ex changed me. I used to be a loveable, happy go lucky, sweet, caring, reliable, fun girl. I always had a smile and loved being there for everyone. I used to be the girl everyone loved to be around to always brighten the day. I dont mean to sound conceited, but I miss her! I may not be beautiful or skinny but I had a lot to offer. He changed me into a person I told myself I'd never be again. I miss my confidence and my ability to keep going. I scare myself. I sometimes wish so much that I'd never wake up when I go to bed. But Im terrified to die. Im scared to get old. And I panic when I think about my parents leaving this earth. I need to be around someone to keep my mind off my miserable state, but my few friends only depress me more with their own problems. I cant seem to escape to sanity. My mom seems to be the one who really only cares, but I feel selfish for being so miserable, because she's had a worse past then me. My dad doesnt even try to help me, because he thinks I just ignore his advice, because more than usual I dont take his advice, when in the long run, I wish I would have. I hate myself because I think he's disappointed in me, all I wanted was to make my parents proud. This world sickens me, with the pathetic ppl its filled with. It wont allow me to be me. I want to be able to trust ppl and be kind and sweet. The things I would do for a complete stranger would just show how big of a heart I have. Im a good person, Im honest, I put others before me and want everyones happiness before mine."You cant make everyone happy" my ex used to say, although I begged to differ. In this world, a person sees that and walks all over me. I pick at myself wondering what I did that was so horrible for me to deserve this, and ppl like my ex who ARE so terrible, get everything handed to them. Theres a light at the end of the tunnel, I know, but Im terrified I wont make it. Im so weak right now, that Im terrified what the future brings. Since I cant see a future for myself. I dont know what to do...all I know is to cry. I need help...Im losing faith
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Replies(15)
geordie99
replied on March 8th, 2009
New User
My cry for help: Reply
Hi there!
Firstly well done for putting your feelings down on here I can imagine you feel alot better now it's out there!
Secondly I'm not going to sit here and say bad things about your ex as I don't know him but I will give you an outsiders persepctive.
It sounds like you love him very much and he clearly knows this hence the way he treats you knowing he can get away with it (which is very wrong)
Honestly there are other guys out there who WILL treat you much better however I can imagine your not interested in other guys right now but you should know that there are good ones out there, they are not a myth I promise.
It also sounds like you've had a tough year BUT it will get better, remember if you feeling at the bottom there's no where else to go but up!!
You seem bright and I'm sure you'll be ok, Keep your chin up and give it time
Firstly well done for putting your feelings down on here I can imagine you feel alot better now it's out there!
Secondly I'm not going to sit here and say bad things about your ex as I don't know him but I will give you an outsiders persepctive.
It sounds like you love him very much and he clearly knows this hence the way he treats you knowing he can get away with it (which is very wrong)
Honestly there are other guys out there who WILL treat you much better however I can imagine your not interested in other guys right now but you should know that there are good ones out there, they are not a myth I promise.
It also sounds like you've had a tough year BUT it will get better, remember if you feeling at the bottom there's no where else to go but up!!
You seem bright and I'm sure you'll be ok, Keep your chin up and give it time
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Users who thank geordie99 for this post:
Fairy Godmother
theroadtoharmony
replied on March 8th, 2009
New User
I have just sent you a message,whcih should explain a lot and hopefully help too.
Check your inbox)
Check your inbox)
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Renie8488
replied on March 10th, 2009
New User
Starting Over!
Hi,
My heart goes out to you because you seem like a nice, beautiful person who just got caught up in a unfortunate situation. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. You are young, vibrant and have your whole life ahead of you. I know things seem overwhelming right now but never, ever give up.
It sounds like you need to surround yourself with roses and that rose starts with you. Promise me that you will take out only 1 hour a day to feel sorry for yourself and spend the remaining time being grateful that you had the courage to leave and have enough insights to see that this was an unhealthy relationship. You may have some invisible scars but the real you is still there. I was happy to see that in the midst of your pain you realized who you used to be. That is a good starting point. Your goal for 2009 is to get back to the basics of who you were.
Take baby steps to rebuild your self-worth,confidence and self-esteem. First, you need to start by forgiving yourself and realize that the person you chose to love is not in a good place either and he can't give you what you need right now. Love is not suppose to hurt. It is suppose to enhance what is already within you. You said that he made you feel loved, wanted,needed and like a princess but you should not depend on someone else to validate you or make you happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness and the best way to deal with the loneliness and depression is to get involved in your community. You will be surprised how much better you would feel. Do volunteer work, take a day or night class, do a 5k or fundraiser, attend church or join a social club. If these things don't appeal to your fancy, try taking long walks, bubble baths, facials etc. You don't have to talk about yourself but you need to be in positive, supportive environment and with time that dark cloud will become bright again. The bottom line is you need to take care of yourself and your heart. Remember, baby steps! God Bless
My heart goes out to you because you seem like a nice, beautiful person who just got caught up in a unfortunate situation. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. You are young, vibrant and have your whole life ahead of you. I know things seem overwhelming right now but never, ever give up.
It sounds like you need to surround yourself with roses and that rose starts with you. Promise me that you will take out only 1 hour a day to feel sorry for yourself and spend the remaining time being grateful that you had the courage to leave and have enough insights to see that this was an unhealthy relationship. You may have some invisible scars but the real you is still there. I was happy to see that in the midst of your pain you realized who you used to be. That is a good starting point. Your goal for 2009 is to get back to the basics of who you were.
Take baby steps to rebuild your self-worth,confidence and self-esteem. First, you need to start by forgiving yourself and realize that the person you chose to love is not in a good place either and he can't give you what you need right now. Love is not suppose to hurt. It is suppose to enhance what is already within you. You said that he made you feel loved, wanted,needed and like a princess but you should not depend on someone else to validate you or make you happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness and the best way to deal with the loneliness and depression is to get involved in your community. You will be surprised how much better you would feel. Do volunteer work, take a day or night class, do a 5k or fundraiser, attend church or join a social club. If these things don't appeal to your fancy, try taking long walks, bubble baths, facials etc. You don't have to talk about yourself but you need to be in positive, supportive environment and with time that dark cloud will become bright again. The bottom line is you need to take care of yourself and your heart. Remember, baby steps! God Bless
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Users who thank Renie8488 for this post:
Fairy Godmother
lost_soul87
pizzadude
replied on March 10th, 2009
New User
Like looking at myself in a mirror...
Well, what can I say?...I've basically put it in the title.
I was there for my girlfriend, I treated her like a princess. We lived far from each other and we spoke for hours on the telephone, she would be sad that I couldn't be around there too often. But I was that type of guy who believes in hope, love, patience, faith...etc...all things imaginative.
I still remember her saying : In ten years time we'll have a house near the Pyrennees (I'm in France). And I remember the joke that I said after : Ok, only if I can pick the wallpaper...lol. Good times, good times.
I felt we were in Wonderland, I met her family, and I impressed them with a bit of piano playing, and beating her brother at FIFA on the console and being really friendly to her younger sisters, etc...
I could see it in her eyes that I was the best she ever had.
(not to mention that her previous ex's cheating on her, or wanted her to change religion even though her ex's didn't even respect their own)
You could say that I basically sent my whole heart in gift wrapped box knowing that she'll never ripped for some stupid, inconsiderate reason. Damm...I was wrong.
It was my first love, and I wanted this first love to be great and it was but at the end she put on her blog (on the internet so everyone could see) : That all her ex's were mistakes.
I couldn't sleep after that...I wanted to speak to her but I didn't know what to say because I was so disapointed and angry and hurt.
The silly thing is, is that I didn't do anything to harm her...it's been a year and I'm still trying to find why a person can stab you in the back for no reason.
It change me, like it changed you. There's a part of me that's cynical, that just doesn't care because I think to myself, if the girl who I loved sooooo much, who I treated like a princess could betray our relationship, what's the point hoping that the next one won't do the same?
It changed me, and I hate this part of me. This part too realistic. This part that has seen that....well like you... Nice Guys do Finish Last.
Don't get me wrong, I will love again, it's just stained my heart, my life...forever.
To be frank, I think that you're a brave person going through all that, I think that you're cute so don't think that you're not that good looking. But I do find that you sacrificed alot (but to be frank I was prepared to move in with her, and she lived on the other side of the country!), there's only one good way in looking at all this and it's that he wasn't your prince charming, he wasn't your soul mate, your real love...because at the end, he showed you his true colors.
Of course we're going to be "different" at the beginning becasue it's the beginning of the relationship, it's after some time that we see their true colors...
The problem from where I'm standing is that you loved the wrong, like I loved the wrong girl.
Lastly, I'm not going to say it's going to get better because it's not, like I said to one of my friends who's broken up recently :
You just have to live with the pain. Ofg course it's going to be reduced after a while but it won't vanish.
Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and don't be cynical or careless like that alcholic who got a promotion. Avoid being heartless, I'm trying, and everyday I find a bit of happiness.
Like they all say, Why do we fall? So we can learn to stand back on our two feet in life.
And my mum has also had a poor past so I understand from where you're coming from...
Peace, and check your messages.
I was there for my girlfriend, I treated her like a princess. We lived far from each other and we spoke for hours on the telephone, she would be sad that I couldn't be around there too often. But I was that type of guy who believes in hope, love, patience, faith...etc...all things imaginative.
I still remember her saying : In ten years time we'll have a house near the Pyrennees (I'm in France). And I remember the joke that I said after : Ok, only if I can pick the wallpaper...lol. Good times, good times.
I felt we were in Wonderland, I met her family, and I impressed them with a bit of piano playing, and beating her brother at FIFA on the console and being really friendly to her younger sisters, etc...
I could see it in her eyes that I was the best she ever had.
(not to mention that her previous ex's cheating on her, or wanted her to change religion even though her ex's didn't even respect their own)
You could say that I basically sent my whole heart in gift wrapped box knowing that she'll never ripped for some stupid, inconsiderate reason. Damm...I was wrong.
It was my first love, and I wanted this first love to be great and it was but at the end she put on her blog (on the internet so everyone could see) : That all her ex's were mistakes.
I couldn't sleep after that...I wanted to speak to her but I didn't know what to say because I was so disapointed and angry and hurt.
The silly thing is, is that I didn't do anything to harm her...it's been a year and I'm still trying to find why a person can stab you in the back for no reason.
It change me, like it changed you. There's a part of me that's cynical, that just doesn't care because I think to myself, if the girl who I loved sooooo much, who I treated like a princess could betray our relationship, what's the point hoping that the next one won't do the same?
It changed me, and I hate this part of me. This part too realistic. This part that has seen that....well like you... Nice Guys do Finish Last.
Don't get me wrong, I will love again, it's just stained my heart, my life...forever.
To be frank, I think that you're a brave person going through all that, I think that you're cute so don't think that you're not that good looking. But I do find that you sacrificed alot (but to be frank I was prepared to move in with her, and she lived on the other side of the country!), there's only one good way in looking at all this and it's that he wasn't your prince charming, he wasn't your soul mate, your real love...because at the end, he showed you his true colors.
Of course we're going to be "different" at the beginning becasue it's the beginning of the relationship, it's after some time that we see their true colors...
The problem from where I'm standing is that you loved the wrong, like I loved the wrong girl.
Lastly, I'm not going to say it's going to get better because it's not, like I said to one of my friends who's broken up recently :
You just have to live with the pain. Ofg course it's going to be reduced after a while but it won't vanish.
Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and don't be cynical or careless like that alcholic who got a promotion. Avoid being heartless, I'm trying, and everyday I find a bit of happiness.
Like they all say, Why do we fall? So we can learn to stand back on our two feet in life.
And my mum has also had a poor past so I understand from where you're coming from...
Peace, and check your messages.
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theroadtoharmony
replied on March 10th, 2009
New User
I want to say only one thing: love can't be disappointed or betrayed because there are no expectations,you simply give without asking anything inreturn.It is our wish to have that person which is destroyed/betrayed.
I do know what I am talking about because I stayed in a difficult relationship for 2 years and left that person 3 times during that time and came back to him 3 times. I left him on the 4th time and he got back 5 months later but I said we should be separate at that time.
He is now married but walked away on her one week after their wedding.
I have my own life, it is just that sometimes I still feel like a part of me is missing and I stopped seeing him,anyway.
Tiem passes and it feels like both of you have worked out what you were supposed to.
This experience has changed all my life and myself but the bottom line is if you forgive and redirect the energy into something else,something beautiful will come out of it!That's been proven in my own practice!
I do know what I am talking about because I stayed in a difficult relationship for 2 years and left that person 3 times during that time and came back to him 3 times. I left him on the 4th time and he got back 5 months later but I said we should be separate at that time.
He is now married but walked away on her one week after their wedding.
I have my own life, it is just that sometimes I still feel like a part of me is missing and I stopped seeing him,anyway.
Tiem passes and it feels like both of you have worked out what you were supposed to.
This experience has changed all my life and myself but the bottom line is if you forgive and redirect the energy into something else,something beautiful will come out of it!That's been proven in my own practice!
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ssarah
replied on March 10th, 2009
New User
I remember that feeling...
I just read your story, and I had a tear run down my face for you, and also for myself remembering feeling some of the feelings that you are feeling.
It was my last year in high school. I was with my first boyfriend, we went out for a year and a half. (way to long) We started out as friends, we had the same group of friends. Everything started off great. There was so much passion, passion I had never felt before. And then as time went on, as I fell in love with him, things changed...
He began to not want me to dress the way I wanted, when we had fights, he started to call me names, and so on. Things got bad, and we would break up/get back together and so on. He would seem so hurt and say things like he would change....(I know now, that no he couldnt change)
If I new what I know now that is that he wasnt right for me, that how he was treating me was wrong. And that he has many issues that he has to workout on his own(as you know that about your ex)
One day after we had broken up and trying to be "Friends" he picked me up in his car and we went for a drive...well lets just say he wanted to get back together and I didnt...The night ended up with me in the hospital.
If I could give you one piece of advice, I would tell you to allow yourself to feel what ever feeling you want to feel, not to feel bad about being in love with him (a lot of people dont understand how someone could love someone who treats them that way) but it happens, because the person you feel in love with is only half of him, the other half is not a nice person at all.
You deserve the other 50% to be as good as the part you love. Its a good thing you are no longer together, but I can tell from your writing you miss him, and that is ok. But being sad and heart broken, is better then being in the hospital physicaly broken. Move on and do what you need to do to get yourself through this. Feel what you need to feel, one day your sadness will change to anger, and then you will be able to move on.
Good luck, and only time will heal.
It was my last year in high school. I was with my first boyfriend, we went out for a year and a half. (way to long) We started out as friends, we had the same group of friends. Everything started off great. There was so much passion, passion I had never felt before. And then as time went on, as I fell in love with him, things changed...
He began to not want me to dress the way I wanted, when we had fights, he started to call me names, and so on. Things got bad, and we would break up/get back together and so on. He would seem so hurt and say things like he would change....(I know now, that no he couldnt change)
If I new what I know now that is that he wasnt right for me, that how he was treating me was wrong. And that he has many issues that he has to workout on his own(as you know that about your ex)
One day after we had broken up and trying to be "Friends" he picked me up in his car and we went for a drive...well lets just say he wanted to get back together and I didnt...The night ended up with me in the hospital.
If I could give you one piece of advice, I would tell you to allow yourself to feel what ever feeling you want to feel, not to feel bad about being in love with him (a lot of people dont understand how someone could love someone who treats them that way) but it happens, because the person you feel in love with is only half of him, the other half is not a nice person at all.
You deserve the other 50% to be as good as the part you love. Its a good thing you are no longer together, but I can tell from your writing you miss him, and that is ok. But being sad and heart broken, is better then being in the hospital physicaly broken. Move on and do what you need to do to get yourself through this. Feel what you need to feel, one day your sadness will change to anger, and then you will be able to move on.
Good luck, and only time will heal.
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Users who thank ssarah for this post:
lost_soul87
lil_blaze2004
replied on March 11th, 2009
Supporter
Sounds like me....
I don't have a lot of time to type everything I'd like to but give yourself time...I know this sounds ridiculous but go work out, get a hobbie, something. I was suffer from chronic depression and suicidal thoughts and went through a bunch of abusive relationships (to varying degrees). I have an almost 4yr old son though that was around to see some of my crazier times and I hate that. I would BEG his dad to take him sometimes just because I couldn't stop crying and my poor boy was getting depressed. Anyway, I took some time, I distanced myself from a lot of people, I went to the gym ( I HATE WORKING OUT), I changed careers and stopped my anti-depressants (They were making me super suicidal). And oddly enough....It's been about a month and I feel great! My relationship has improved, my son is happy again and best of all...I'm HAPPY. Please feel free to pm me if you want to. I used to be a head Moderator here but haven't been on in ages. I have tons of depression and abusive relationship (cause sweetie, that's what it was for you) experience and advice.
Take care.
Jess
Take care.
Jess
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jillybob
replied on March 11th, 2009
New User
I've recently been in the same situation...
U have to move on. i was put somewhat in the same situation about a year ago. my ex moved to colorado because his family got fired from a job here in alabama. i thought i was going to die. he was the only guy who had ever treated me right and seemed to give a damn. i cryed every night and every day. i didnt eat or sleep much either. and with an alcoholic mother and a family that doesnt even talk to each other, it made it that much more difficult. i fell back into an old habit that started when my family rejected me a few years prior: cutting. i started cutting more than ever before and deeper than ever before; with anything i could find that would do the job whether i had to saw away at my arm or whether it took one swift motion. i was cutting over the littlest things that set me off too. i was absolutely miserable. and my ex had changed. he was mean, neglecting, and always accussed me of cheating on him, i never did i've ahd that crap done to me before, not fun. he came back to see me and thats when i realized all he wanted was sex; i'm a virgin, but he thought by coming back he would get some anyway, and he was pissed when he didnt. i broke up with him after a few more fusses, and i was ok. i went to college and got back with an old boyfriend who only wanted me for my body and my habit resurfaced yet again. all my friends were using me and i was depressed again. not to mention the situation at home was getting worse. i hated my life, i felt i had lost everyone.
it wasnt until about 6 months ago i met someone absolutely amazing. our first kiss we were both drunk off our asses and i had met him only a few times through a friend, but i never intended dating him, just not my type and we didnt really have much in common. well, he saw something he liked in me, and started pursueing me, and a friend of mine that knew him talked me into giving him a chance and i found myself falling faster than i had ever fallen for anyone before. he was nice to me, didnt accuse me of anything, i trusted him, he respected me and wasn't expecting anything until i was ready (he is not a virgin by any means btw), he was a true gentlemen but still funny and fun to be around, he was completely opposite of me: a punk rock girl and a nice guy that wears collared shirts, no tatoos or peircings, nothing of what i normally dated, and i had completely fallen for him.
you will find someone else even better and it will be hard to trust again and hard to move on, i know, but dont let yourself get like i did, and dont ever hurt yourself over anyone. you will find someone amazing that thinks you are just as incredible; sometimes in someone you didnt expect. my luck with boys has always been horrible. i've been in every kind of corrupt relationship imaginable except a good one, and now i think i finally am. you have to move on and get over this guy. there is someone more amazing that is perfect for you out there, you just haven't found him yet.
it wasnt until about 6 months ago i met someone absolutely amazing. our first kiss we were both drunk off our asses and i had met him only a few times through a friend, but i never intended dating him, just not my type and we didnt really have much in common. well, he saw something he liked in me, and started pursueing me, and a friend of mine that knew him talked me into giving him a chance and i found myself falling faster than i had ever fallen for anyone before. he was nice to me, didnt accuse me of anything, i trusted him, he respected me and wasn't expecting anything until i was ready (he is not a virgin by any means btw), he was a true gentlemen but still funny and fun to be around, he was completely opposite of me: a punk rock girl and a nice guy that wears collared shirts, no tatoos or peircings, nothing of what i normally dated, and i had completely fallen for him.
you will find someone else even better and it will be hard to trust again and hard to move on, i know, but dont let yourself get like i did, and dont ever hurt yourself over anyone. you will find someone amazing that thinks you are just as incredible; sometimes in someone you didnt expect. my luck with boys has always been horrible. i've been in every kind of corrupt relationship imaginable except a good one, and now i think i finally am. you have to move on and get over this guy. there is someone more amazing that is perfect for you out there, you just haven't found him yet.
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lost_soul87
replied on March 11th, 2009
New User
Im trying
First, Im thanking everyone who replied to me. I was pleasantly shocked, I was expecting a low number. The feeling that ppl actually do care for other strangers, is a bit warming.
Im glad I came here, I was afraid to speak about my true feelings to ppl I know. I didnt want them to throw me in therapy or in a mental hospital. And thats sad, cuz I think I should feel most comfortable going to those ppl.
Ever since the break up, I have tried many things to keep my mind off it. Getting a hair cut, shopping, spending time with my niece and nephews, taking care of my health, and spending as much time with my friends and family as possible without being a kill joy. The thing is...at the end of the day when Im trying to sleep Im all alone with a million thoughts racing thru my head. What did I do wrong? Why did I go back to him? How could I not see this happening before it did? Why did I let this happen? Was this his plan all along? When will the pain ease? Why am I so scared to go to church? Will I die alone? Revenge. Do I have a future? Will I ever accomplish anything? What will I be doing in 5 years? When will the world end? Will I ever enjoy life? What do I do? Will my dream ever come true? The questions never seem to fade away....
It seems as if everytime I would become upset or me and my ex break up my mother would always bombard me with the "When you get married..." or "when you have children..." quotes. I know she is trying to help me forget about him but it just places a knot in my throat. It breaks my heart because I know she wants grandchildren from me too, and I think someday I would love to have children too. And have a happy family. I bring her down with a negative reply everytime. I tell her its never going to happen, and its not in the cards for me. Im not trying to sound "o poor me!" but when I look into my future...I see nothing. Is that a bad sign? The thing is...I know theres always a possibility for more heartbreaks if I were ever to try to date again. If thats the case, then I give up. I dont think ill ever trust again, and it saddens me. I dont wanna go thru another heartache, because Im not as strong as I thought I was. I hate taking chances with an open mind now, as it brought me heartache. I hate being that person that gives up so easily, but its for my health of sanity....right? Basically, I would rather live alone, than spend the rest of my life living day by day, wondering if my boyfriend or husband is cheating on me, and not being able to trust them. I cant imagine spending one day away from my man for fear of him being with another woman. Who would want to live like that?
Im glad I came here, I was afraid to speak about my true feelings to ppl I know. I didnt want them to throw me in therapy or in a mental hospital. And thats sad, cuz I think I should feel most comfortable going to those ppl.
Ever since the break up, I have tried many things to keep my mind off it. Getting a hair cut, shopping, spending time with my niece and nephews, taking care of my health, and spending as much time with my friends and family as possible without being a kill joy. The thing is...at the end of the day when Im trying to sleep Im all alone with a million thoughts racing thru my head. What did I do wrong? Why did I go back to him? How could I not see this happening before it did? Why did I let this happen? Was this his plan all along? When will the pain ease? Why am I so scared to go to church? Will I die alone? Revenge. Do I have a future? Will I ever accomplish anything? What will I be doing in 5 years? When will the world end? Will I ever enjoy life? What do I do? Will my dream ever come true? The questions never seem to fade away....
It seems as if everytime I would become upset or me and my ex break up my mother would always bombard me with the "When you get married..." or "when you have children..." quotes. I know she is trying to help me forget about him but it just places a knot in my throat. It breaks my heart because I know she wants grandchildren from me too, and I think someday I would love to have children too. And have a happy family. I bring her down with a negative reply everytime. I tell her its never going to happen, and its not in the cards for me. Im not trying to sound "o poor me!" but when I look into my future...I see nothing. Is that a bad sign? The thing is...I know theres always a possibility for more heartbreaks if I were ever to try to date again. If thats the case, then I give up. I dont think ill ever trust again, and it saddens me. I dont wanna go thru another heartache, because Im not as strong as I thought I was. I hate taking chances with an open mind now, as it brought me heartache. I hate being that person that gives up so easily, but its for my health of sanity....right? Basically, I would rather live alone, than spend the rest of my life living day by day, wondering if my boyfriend or husband is cheating on me, and not being able to trust them. I cant imagine spending one day away from my man for fear of him being with another woman. Who would want to live like that?
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ssarah
replied on March 11th, 2009
New User
Your heart will love again one day
Give your self time. I know right now you feel as though you will never love again. But one day you will open your heart and the next time you do, it will be with someone worth your love.
I didnt think I could ever let myself open up to another man. I dated alot, maybe to much, and I kept my heart hidden for a very long time. Then one day..I was in love again, and in love with a much better man then the first time around. Im not saying that you will never have heart break, you most likly will... but when you fall in love with someone who is stable, and treats you right and you have a healthy realtionship one day, you will see there is a big difference from what you have gone through and what love should feel like.
Take your time, and focus on yourself. When you can try and have some fun, being single isnt a bad thing! Really, some of the most fun times I remember where when I was single. You can go out with who ever you want to and dont have to answer to anyone. If can do whatever you want and not have to explain yourself to a boyfriend.
Its great that you are spending time with family, and time on yourself. You deserve it!
I didnt think I could ever let myself open up to another man. I dated alot, maybe to much, and I kept my heart hidden for a very long time. Then one day..I was in love again, and in love with a much better man then the first time around. Im not saying that you will never have heart break, you most likly will... but when you fall in love with someone who is stable, and treats you right and you have a healthy realtionship one day, you will see there is a big difference from what you have gone through and what love should feel like.
Take your time, and focus on yourself. When you can try and have some fun, being single isnt a bad thing! Really, some of the most fun times I remember where when I was single. You can go out with who ever you want to and dont have to answer to anyone. If can do whatever you want and not have to explain yourself to a boyfriend.
Its great that you are spending time with family, and time on yourself. You deserve it!
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Users who thank ssarah for this post:
Fairy Godmother
domenic
replied on March 12th, 2009
New User
Take some time and breathe
Based on what you've said, this relationship did not sound at all like it was good for you. There are good guys out there (I know, I'm one of them), but for right now my advice would be to stay single for a bit. Take some time for yourself and rediscover the things you like to do and the people you care about.
Tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day is born with new opportunities. It's normal to have the questions you do but just know that these feelings and doubt will pass.
All of my relationships have been pretty healthy with the exception of one... and when it was over it was the best thing for me! I didn't necessarily see it at the time but looking back it's very clear.
Being in a toxic relationship can temporarily alter you, so take the time to get back in touch with you.
Realize that you are important and if someone tries to take advantage of you or isn't treating you right, then leave.
I know so many girls that try to "change" or "fix" their men... but the reality is we can't be changed unless we want to be.
His behavior towards you was not your fault, but only an indication of the person he is. You're far better off now, so take the time for yourself and breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.
Hope this helps,
Domenic
Tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day is born with new opportunities. It's normal to have the questions you do but just know that these feelings and doubt will pass.
All of my relationships have been pretty healthy with the exception of one... and when it was over it was the best thing for me! I didn't necessarily see it at the time but looking back it's very clear.
Being in a toxic relationship can temporarily alter you, so take the time to get back in touch with you.
Realize that you are important and if someone tries to take advantage of you or isn't treating you right, then leave.
I know so many girls that try to "change" or "fix" their men... but the reality is we can't be changed unless we want to be.
His behavior towards you was not your fault, but only an indication of the person he is. You're far better off now, so take the time for yourself and breathe. Tomorrow is a new day.
Hope this helps,
Domenic
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Users who thank domenic for this post:
Fairy Godmother
lost_soul87
replied on March 12th, 2009
New User
Bad night
Tonight was a rough night. I went to one of my fathers dinners for "lake shore cleanup" I love going with him because I like socializing. Anywho, every dinner it seems atleast one person asks if im attending college. Which Im not because I still havent decided what I wanna study yet. Its embarrasing and I think it embarrases my father. I just want my parents to be proud of me but I feel like a failure. So tonights dinner....me attending college was the only subject at our table the entire night. It really turned my mood...
Then after dinner I came home and was chillin with my lil bro. We started talkin about good ol times last summer and what not. I kept bringin up tons of mine and my exs best memories. And I started laughin and gigglin all over again. My mood quickly changed once I realize how much I miss him. I almost had a tear trickle....but I sucked it back. I wish I would just forget him...everything about him and involving him.
Then after dinner I came home and was chillin with my lil bro. We started talkin about good ol times last summer and what not. I kept bringin up tons of mine and my exs best memories. And I started laughin and gigglin all over again. My mood quickly changed once I realize how much I miss him. I almost had a tear trickle....but I sucked it back. I wish I would just forget him...everything about him and involving him.
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Fairy Godmother
replied on March 13th, 2009
Supporter
Hey Sweetie
Didn't hear from you today and got a little worried about you, so I came here to see if you'd replied again. I am proud of you for going out with your Dad, and I know all too well the "where are you going to school, what are you planning to major in?.....I was the black sheep in my family. I did not go straight to college when I graduated from high school, in fact my stupid A ran off and got married to get away (from an abusive step mother). That lasted about 3 1/2 years got divorced). In the meantime, I moved back home with my folks and went to a vo tech school. I got my early childhood education degree and could open a day care or be a kindergarten/preschool teacher. NOT.........not what I wanted to do. SO , I worked various jobs and learned a lot of things ( I can hang a ceiling fan, change out wall receptacles, prime a well, change my own oil, use a skill saw and out paint most men...and do not need a drop cloth. I have waited tables and been a bar maid....remarried and had a daughter that I ended up having to raise alone (until I met this great guy I'm with now that is). I needed stability and an education. So at 30, I went back to school. Aced Chemistry and microbiology and finally knew what I wanted to do. Everyone thought I was morbid (Forensic pathology)...well, I got as far as being a research lab tech....Great pay, I loved my jb and had insurance. Put my kid through private shcool, dance lessons etc. Back to you....you can ALWAYS go back to school. You go when YOU are ready. I would suggest you get a hobby. SOmething that will keep your mind from drifting. Or volunteer at an animal shelter or senior center. I lvoe going ot these places cause I feel so needed and when I leave, feel I have done something meaningful. I do hope ot hear form you again.....you did get my email? HUGS! FGM
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lost_soul87
replied on March 14th, 2009
New User
Wow..must feel great to have a degree like that! I love to do community things like that. But Im in a small town and can only do so much. This month me and my father are volunteering for our lakes "lake shore clean up" Im excited because we get to clean up all the trash from our lake shores. And best of all...we get to ride on a boat from shore to shore! I love boats. Anywho...after that I dunno what to do...just continue with the gym I suppose.
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sara4
replied on August 19th, 2009
New User
have youseen a doctor???
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