Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - my brother may have tried to rape me

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Q: my brother may have tried to rape me

asked by: jchartr1 on September 28th, 2008

New User

When I was around 8 years old my friends and I were playing truth or dare and my brother who is 6 years older tried to get involved. We played fairly innocent truth or dare, but my brother introduced us to the idea of taking it to another level and we thought that was the coolest thing. At first we did things like daring one person to moon the other person, which didnt' seem all that weird to me because fart jokes and butt cracks were really hilarious to me back then. Eventually my brother started trying to get me to do some really gross things and I would refuse usually but all I really wanted was to impress him so sometimes I would give in. I am a girl (I feel that's kinda important|) and he would try to get me to pull down my pants or take off my shirt, and one time he tried to get me to let him "finger" me. I didnt know what that meant and I think I even agreed to it before getting really weirded out. I think my brother asked if he could have sex with me and I said no way, but the thing I'm worried about is that my brother may have done similar things to other children in the neighborhood. Well, I'm worried about that and I'm also wondering if this may be the reason why I am so messed up mentally. I am always seeking attention but I'm shy as hell so when I finally do get attention I feel scared and I cry very easily. I am in a really amazing relationship right now but things aren't going so great at the moment because I feel like I am not getting enough attention, and when I thought about all of the things that make me the way I am this whole disgusting brother thing really stood out to me. I have kept this a secret from everyone, I've never told a single soul, and now I'm wondering if I should tell my boyfriend because he is the most important thing in my life and I want him to know everything about me. I think this has really affected me but I have been pretending for about 14 years that it never happened.

Replies(14)

jchartr1

replied on September 28th, 2008

New User

Sorry I didnt specify a question, I was just hoping to hear someone's opinion about what I should do with this information. I also left out a very important detail, and that is that my brother was accused of molesting the little boy who lived next door to me. This happened about 12 years ago. I was questioned many times about whether my brother ever tried something like this with me and I always said no because I didn't believe my brother would do something like that even though he tried similar stuff with me. I was afraid that if I told, my mom would completely lose her mind and that everyone would turn on me because I kept it a secret. Now that it has been 12 years I feel like there is nowhere to go with this information. I feel like I should tell someone but I just dont know who to tell. I definitely can't tell my parents and if I tell my boyfriend I'm afraid he'll think I am disgusting and that he'll tell my parents and completely ruin their world. I care about my parents very much and they have gone through so much in their lives that I would like to keep them ignorant of this forever. But then what if my brother really did molest that little boy? It was incredibly selfish of me not to tell what I knew but I didnt want my family to be torn apart.

melancholydaye

replied on September 28th, 2008

Experienced User

I read your post last night i'm sorry i didn't reply sooner. it's very hard to discuss things like this with your family members. but, as in my familys case, it has brought us closer together. This is something very serious and heartbreaking. I think you need to tell your significant other if you feel your relationship is stressing because of it. Just be sure that he knows that this is your brother your talking about, and despite what he did to you, is a close family member. I think it will help your significant other realize that there is something serious that has been bothering you and may be affecting you mentally, and he will know that it's not because of him. As for telling anyone else about it.....I would seek professional help first. I'm not a profesional, so i don't want to tell you what you should or shouldn't do as pertaining to telling your parents, etc. I am very sorry this happened to you and hope you find the strength that you need. I am currently dealing with a recent rape, and am coping well. Hope you are too and god bless.

Users who thank melancholydaye for this post: jchartr1

jchartr1

replied on September 28th, 2008

New User

Thank you for replying, I think it is important that I seek professional help too. I'm planning on getting in touch with a psychologist tomorrow, hopefully I can tell him everything and he'll have some good advice. I am just feeling so sick about this right now and I can't believe I have been keeping it in the back of my mind for so many years. It is all surfacing now and I think it's too much for my body to handle.

melancholydaye

replied on September 28th, 2008

Experienced User

also, just remember that this is not uncommon, and you are not the only one. i know it was very wrong because you were the victim but, young kids are interested in sex. i remember being in the third grade and getting into my dads dirty magazines and looking at them in wonderment. I also had an incident when i was about 6 years old when a next door neighbor friend and I was in my pool swimming, and she pulled down my bathing suit and started to touch me, and i swam away. maybe a year later or maybe this happened before that, i can't remember, she pressed herself to me and sort of "grinded" on me. sorry if it got a little graphic, but, i have had a lot of weird awkward incidents happen to me throughout my life, with the worst one happening a month ago........that one is the hardest to get over. but, definitly go to a therapist and talk about it. I would go to a therapist, i've talked to her about my problems, and it's helped me out tremendously. Sometimes you have to go through a few before you find one that you really connect with.

jchartr1

replied on October 31st, 2008

New User

Well I talked to my counselor about this and it was nuts. I made my counselor emotional! He is a very sensitive guy anyway but I really wasn't expecting him to react to my situation at all, and he seemed like he was about to cry! Well maybe not cry, but he was kinda weird about it. He also seemed to think that my brother probably did do something to that little boy from my neighborhood, because it is very rare for someone to claim something like that if it didnt really happen. That part really hurt. I have been in denial about that actually happening just like my parents have been. I'm supposed to go see him again next week to talk more about it and it feels good to finally have another person's view about this.

jchartr1

replied on November 10th, 2008

New User

I have a question for anyone who has read this, if something like this happened to your significant other when they were little, how important do you think it is that they tell you? I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend because I dont want it getting back to my parents, and my counselor thinks it's perfectly OK for me not to tell my parents. I just feel like I should tell my boyfriend because I hate keeping secrets from him and I feel like it would help him to understand me better...I have other apprehensions about telling him also, but I am very interested in others' opinions on the matter. Thanks!

jchartr1