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My Boyfriend smokes pot (Page 1)

My boyfriend smokes pot and i hate it. I cant help getting angry and upset when he smokes. I have asked him to cut back and he has, but he now has started to smoke more and he said if i didn't hassel him and piss him off when he smoked he wouldn't do it as much.
We fight alot over his addiction and the fights get worse and he yells and yells to the point where i push him then he will push me back and he has knocked me over and held me down alot of times now. I know its all because i just cant leave him alone and accept him smoking. I blame myself for what goes on. I'm a nurse and have seen the mental and physical damage pot dose to you and i have given my boyfriend all the facts but he just dose not listen.
I just need to know if anyone else has gone through this and how they got through it.
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First Helper Silvira
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replied January 10th, 2009
someone who understand!..FINALLY!
okay, i had the same problem with a boyfriend i used to have. he smoked all the time and thatnk god he never tried to get me to do it. But he smoked EVERYDAY and he smoked A LOT! we were all lovey dovey at first but then when we started fighting and he got mor aggressive everytime. I guess the only reason why i stayed was becuz his aggressiveness always led to making up even though sometimes i didnt want to make up. it got to the point to where i was doing things to please him and not myself. But i tried to explain to him that if he didnt stop he would learn the hard way.
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replied January 10th, 2009
Once a Pot Smoker Always a Pot Smoker !!!
My stepsons smoke pot in their bedroom and I ask them to respect the house and do it outside. Once a pot smoker always a pot smoker and it makes them all LIARS .I tell them I smell it when there burning in there room and they say were not doing that when there room looks like it's on fire . I have a son that did that but now he lives on his own he's 20 years old and finances are different when you live on your own . I have a Daughter , she's 7 and sees this daily but we tell her they are smoking cigars but still. I don't want her smoking anything especially pot . I told my eldest that if she ever did I would stop it before it would become a need to live each day like it is with them 2 little punks.Well I'm leaving now before I write a Book . Flash
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replied January 19th, 2009
Supporter
I'm going through it right now! I don't know how you get through it. I'm at breaking point but have been here for quite some time. I'm alwas thinking about leaving and one day i think i will because it's too hard being with someone that is a pot head. it's not a real relationship. Not as good as it should be. I'm the one that's missing out. I have a son too though he's two and doesn't understand but i think my role is to protect him from his dad at this age. maybe someday his dad will quit and then will be the perfect daddy. It happened to me. my mum a junkie and now 20 yrs later reformed and my best friend.
You can't stop your guy. There are prob deeper issues He has to deal with. Maybe leaving is the answer. it could just frighten him. otherwise you'd prob be better off moving on darl. i know it's not nice to hear. i have the same advice given to me over and over. Once you believe you are worth ore you'll leave.
And remember, you can't save everyone.. especially if they don't truly want to be helped/
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replied October 18th, 2009
im in the same situation.. only when i first got involved with my boyfriend he lied & pretended he didnt smoke weed at all.. he actually quit doing it for me for 2 months..

then after spending 5 months long distance, i come back & he reverted back to his ways.. i thought i could learn to accept it & live with it but it was worse than i imagined.. he lost his temper worse than ever before & we argued almost everyday..

i stayed with him coz he would cry & say sorry & i felt sorry for him battling his addiction.. but when i tried to help him stop, he swore at me, he just put his addiction as his priority, before me..

now im expecting a baby, after 4 months of putting up with his lifestyle & trying to help him clean up.. now i have to put by baby first im leaving im not ever going back to him, id rather be a single mum & raise my child abuse free rather than with an abusive father. i dont care if he changes ill always remember how he wasnt there for us, how badly he treated me when i was pregnant with his child
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replied October 21st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Trust me ladies if you are in a relationship with a pot smoker please ask them to stop or end the relationship...It is bad stuff..the mem say oh its not bad at least its not cocaine etc...well it can have the same affect took over a long period...They become paranoid, obsessive,jealous and in some cases violent.
And they will not change without help...good luck to all..Jenny
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replied November 2nd, 2009
my baby
none of them helped i want to know if i get pregnant of my boyfriend and he smokes weed will that affect my baby?
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replied November 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
No hun it shouldnt effect your baby...weed does lower a mans sperm count but seen as though you are already pregnant....Just dont be around him when he does smoke it because you can inhale some and that isnt good for you or the baby...Jenny
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replied February 3rd, 2010
come on ladies
The world isnt perfect and you guys are planning on leaving these guys who supposedly love you just over some pot? My god....Let them have some fun with thier lives. The way I see they probably dont have much fun in their lives so pot is their way of coping with the boring day to day. Honestly if your guy becomes violent its not because of the pot. If some one has violence in their nature its going to come out eventually and its not because of weed. Some of the nicest most caring thoughtful and responsible adults smoke pot. Also quit acting like its a heroine addiction. Weed is no more addicting than bannanas. How about trying to see it from his perspective. Cut these poor guys some slack.. Do you really want to just up and leave them alone? I know if a girl left me for something like pot I would be depressed as all hell and confused. I would asume its because I was inadequate and would probably sit around feeling sorry for myself wondering why she would leave when I was great to her. Especially if I had loved her but it wouldnt make me give up weed either. Forcing them to choose between you and pot is a horrible and evil thing to do to anybody. How about you show him some love and stop worrying about his pot smoking.

To lady above.....wow you are really cruel. You are going to take his child away from him just so you can throw it back in his face later? You just want to be able to make him feel like dead beat and make him feel guilty to his own kid?

Realize you could be much much much MUCH worse off....consider him being an alcoholic instead of a pot head? Thats 10x worse but you will probably be fine with that because its legal and socially acceptable.

Ease up on them is really my point..
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Users who thank AlexxMarsh for this post: tla11 

replied November 9th, 2011
I believe all these women have different problems that can be related to the one thing they all have in common, being that, pot is a problem in their lives. Your point about pot not being a big deal may hold some truth, but any substance that alters a persons view of themselves or the world around them is potentially addictive and harmful on a person's state of mind and well-being. There are two different types of weed, Bush naturally grown, and hydro which is indoor grown under UV lights full of chemicals to enhance' the THC effects when used. The problem with the enhancement' is that the chemicals used to produce hydro help create (during the growing process) either more cannabanoids (which make you feel happy, carefree and relaxed) or cannabnols (which make you paranoid, irritated and anxious) Often pot farmers can make the mistake of creating more of the 'nols' in which case can lead to severe negative personality changes and mental disturbances. Im not saying don't smoke, I'm saying people should be more educated on the facts of what they are smoking. Bush would be the best choice as it is going to have less of an effect on a person's mood swings without all the chems interfering.

Also, I don't believe pot is a major issue unless the smokers lifestyle is starting to be affected in a negative fashion say for instance money and finances. I know some who spend every last dollar they have just to get a cone, thus leaving their partner/wife to go to the local community store to be assisted with essential living needs like food or baby formula. (This then turns into more problems and arguments about other things)

Let pot be smoked (some of the worlds leading governments are trying to legalise it and faze out alcohol as apparently studies have revealed that pot heads dont cause as much violence on the streets as drunks do) But if it is beginning to cause any types of problems in lifestyle or moods then its time to seek help and address the problem. Maybe its not the pot, but the habit that is the real issue?

Education is the only answer (this can prevent ignorance) Seek out as much information and support whether youre the smoker or a person close to you is.
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replied September 4th, 2012
Weed
So I should just accept the mood swings the verbal and physical abuse the house falling apart because he has no motivation the fact that we are broke because he has walked out on 5 jobs in the last year. Pot,is ok you are seriously deluded and clearly a pot head yourself. It destroys lives of everyone that loves the pothead and they only love themselves and the drug.
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replied September 4th, 2012
Weed
So I should just accept the mood swings the verbal and physical abuse the house falling apart because he has no motivation the fact that we are broke because he has walked out on 5 jobs in the last year. Pot,is ok you are seriously deluded and clearly a pot head yourself. It destroys lives of everyone that loves the pothead and they only love themselves and the drug.
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replied September 30th, 2012
*rolls eyes*
alright man. you seriously need a reality check. did you not read the above to posts you're supposedly replying to? they specifically stated that abusive men are abusive and non abusive men are not. pot does not factor into his. in fact, i've been in two abusive relationships and both men tried to rape me. i'm currently dating a heavy smoker and i'm happier than i've ever been. this should be judged on a case-by-case basis, that's all
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replied February 3rd, 2010
That was touching Alex Smile My problem is opposite of theirs though, my boyfriend pushes me around and torments me because I smoke pot! D:
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replied March 2nd, 2010
addicted
well alexxmarsh you obviously have no idea what it is like to be addicted to pot and the side effects of long term use... i suggest you do some research! i have been addicted, i have been with someboy addicted and i have helped addicted people. and yes it is a very decieving drug!and yes it is addictive! i suggest you go and smoke an ounze a week for a 6months and tell me how you feel after that!
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replied March 13th, 2010
Whats up Alex
Yah Alex...don't be less than intelligent.
My Mom has been addicted her entire life and simply cannot stop even though it costs her A LOT of money, she can't stop hacking up a lung and she WANTS to stop.
My boyfriend smokes every day at least 3 times a day! And when he's freshly high he's fairly emotionally unavailable.
I don't consider pot a drug -- it's a plant. And for some it CAN be harmless but for others it creates this fantasy world...complacency...where you don't deal with what's really going on inside your dome so you just repeatedly smoke it away.
Please respect people's addictions and problems with addictions. The substance is irrelevant, the effect on the lives of the user is VERY RELEVANT.
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replied March 13th, 2010
The pot smoking is more important to him than your wishes, more important to him than keeping the relationship healthy and happy.

It shouldn't be that way, but it's hard to deny the truth in his behavior, and what he says to you.

You deserve a person who is healthy and mature.

It's not because there's something wrong with you that makes him choose to smoke pot over you. It's because he is already IN a relationship. With his pipe. You deserve better than second fiddle.
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replied April 6th, 2010
my boyfriend started smoking pot before we started going out. but i didnt know that he smoked pot when i agreed to date him. if i knew, i never would have been with him. i finaly found out 2 months after we started going out. and i told him that if he did it again then i would be forced to put an end to our relationship. as far as i know, he hasnt done it again. but like he would tell me if he had. he wouldnt tell me because he doesnt think its a big deal. how am i supposed to know if he has actually stopped or if he was just saying that to keep me around?
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replied September 8th, 2011
my babies daddy smokes
I know how you feel! i dated my babies daddy for a year and got enageged and i found out and he always told me he didnt smoke and the smell was from work. We broke up and then he said he quited and i got pregnant and i found out he is still smoking and he lies all the time and says he doesnt but ive found weed in his car and bathroom. I dont beleieve him anymore. My baby is due in a month and i dont want my baby growing up around it but his daddy doesnt care of think its bad to smoke. I wish i knew about the smoking from the very start becuase i too wouldnt have been with him.
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replied October 8th, 2012
same situation
I have been in a similiar situation - except he did start again and I caught him and he did it yet again. Everytime saying that he doesn't think it's a big deal. I don't poltically and intellectually, my problem is that he lied by omission when introducing himself to me and in the beginning of our relationship.
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replied April 9th, 2010
wife of a pot head
id just like to say I married a chronic pot smoker. We were married for 10 years. In the begining I didn''t care. as long as he respected the home in which he didn''t . He would hang himself out a bedroom window, go to the basement, lock himself in a closet anything not to go outside. For years I tried to educate him on the dangers. Addicts have a way of turning things around and making it look like its "natural" thus can''t be bad for you. My husband smoked about 10-15 joints a day. every day. Aside from the money his health was and is bad. My husband would search around the house like a crack head if he was out. he has torn drawers apart taken cushions of the couch, didn''t leave a nook and a cranny untouched when he didn''t have it. This as a loved one is very hard to watch. Eventually I took a stand, he was told that if I find it I flush it. Well I kept finding it and i kept flushing it. This escalated his anger. His physical and mental addiction took over and he became not only verbally abusive but physically when it wasn''t around. The last step was we got into an arugment cause I went to bed. Told him in the heat of the argument and between being pinned down on the bed that he needed to learn to hid his addiction better and that again I found his dope and flushed it. He then pinned me to the bed held me down by my hair and slapped me. This is when I had enough of the addiction, the abusive behaviour, and called the police. POT heads think that it is not addictive, that its ok to be high all the time and will not change..IMO
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replied April 12th, 2010
Thanks and I no how u feel
I just wanna to think everyone for their in put. And i wanna thank the people strong enough to ask these questions. I''m 17 turning 18 and I''m with a 28 year old who has changes his live a great deal to be with me. He had lied a few times and i caught him.. told him never to do it again but that never worked. He was then arrested for things not related in total to his pot smoking and after spending 10 days away from me and locked in a cell he promised all illegal activities including his pot smoking was over. Well he got out and still swore that he wouldn''t smoke anymore. well he still slips up a lot more then i would like and i hate it. hearing what everyone has had to say has helped me a lot in coming a few steps closer to finding my answer to the ever growing question "should i leave or stay and help him through this ". Thank you everyone! KJ
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replied October 8th, 2012
I stopped reading after you said you are 18 and he is 28. That's way too much of an age difference at your age. Don't do it. It has nothing to do with anything else - that guy is way too old for you!
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replied June 16th, 2010
HELP
ok so my boyfriend smokes pot... i hate it ive never touched anything i dont even smoke myself.. i get cut an upset everytime he does it, i feel bad for getting angery at him but i feel its the only way ill get through to him .. he says his been doing it for 10 years and he calls it a "hobby" but when we first met an he barely did it an now his been doing it nearly everyday.. He isnt a different person when he does it his never hurt me or yelled at me or done anything wrong and he tells me thats its okay its not like his doing heroine or anything but to me a drug is a drug i dont want to get cranky when he does it I once found his stuff an tipped it out then we had a fight.. he said its not like his leaving me at night or hiding it from me or it doesnt affect me so why should i worry he says its who he is im not ever going to ask him to stop because thats no my place an im not going to ask him to choose because thats wrong in my sense he says its a past time and i done so much study on it i just dont know how to understand all of it in his eyes. i said were not having sex whenever he does it but i dunno heeeelllpppp ... i think i just need some1 to talk to all in all?????
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replied June 17th, 2010
my husband smokes marihuana too every day. He did not use to smoke very often until about a year and a half ago when we moved to an apartment in an area where there are several pot smokers close by. To cut a long story short, I do not like his new habit, but there is nothing I say that will convince him to stop doing it, more so because there is a group of peers close by who encourage him. Before, I considered myself to be someone who did not mind pot smoking for recreational use, but by now I have gotten such an aversion of the stuff that I don't want to be around anyone smoking it. I hate for my husband to smoke every day because he is clearly in a different state of mind when he is on it, making a normal conversation impossible, and making it impossible to solicit his help with certain tasks. That might be okay once in a while but every day is too much. I cannot imagine having kids with someone who seems to have this kind of dependency.

When he runs out of it, he gets a little bit aggressive, which is not normal for him because he is usually a sweetie.

My husband does not understand how much I dislike the habit, he himself sees it as medicine that is going to be part of his life permanently. His use, and our disagreements about it, are seriously affecting our relationship. We have been together for ten years now.

It is definitely helpful to hear how other people responded when they were/are in similar situations.
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replied June 17th, 2010
i was in the same boat when i first got with my boyfriend. i had knew that he smoked, and i was informed that he would change for me...unfortunately he didn't. At first he lied to me about it and i had found out. but one day i got really mad at him for doing it, and he made me see through his eyes. after that it did bug me but not as bad as it did before. I did judge him but soon after what he told me i stopped. i accepted it because that's who he is, and I'm sure he would've done the same to me
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replied June 24th, 2010
i can relate
i have a boyfriend that did smoke,, or does smoke,, im actually not so sure anymore, and like how i found out is he randomly called me one night and he started talking to me and he sounded really weird, and i asked him whats wrong, and he said umm ill just tell u later, and i was like alright, so later on i texted him, and i asked him what was wrong, and he said nothing why and i said cause u sounded really weird on the phone and he said ohhh, umm well what would you do or say if i smoked pot? and personally i never really never expected him to be doing that stuff, and i told him i would be disappointed in him, and he was like whattt???? disappointed really?? and i was like yeaa,, why? then he told me he was smoking with his friends


and the thing was,, i wasnt mad at him even tho i didnt find out he did that stuff till like a month into our relationship,but i was more disappointed cause well he was and still is my first boyfriend and i didnt really expect or want my first boyfriend to be someone who smokes weed,and plus he coulda told me sooner,,,

but well anyways, apparently he stopped for me,i didnt tell him id break up with him if he didnt, but he said he doesnt want me to be disappointed in him and he told me he would stop for me, and i dont kno if he really stopped or not, but now that i think about it if i knew that he smoked weed before i went out with him, i probably wouldnt have said yes to being his girlfriend,,, i mean dont take me wrong, that boy is like the sweetest thing in the world, but just me thinking about him smoking weed, makes my heart hurt alot cause i really like him,, like alott, and smoking in general isnt good for a persons health, and i always worry about him, if i knew that i would be worrying this much, then i wouldnt have said yes to him,, and i would have broken up with him before,, but i just like him way to much to do that,,,
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