Im not sure why im writing on here but I just need to get this out. A few months back, I was at school (I go to college at night) and my boyfriend text me and told me he was going to hang out with some friends. So i was like ok cool where are yall going and he told me. That was fine with me until a few minutes later he text me and says I'll just tell you now, that im going with amber (my 26 yr old cousin). Thats when I hit the fan. All I could think about was why did he think he had to lie to me about going to hang out with her. Right then, I knew there had to be more to the story. He never lies to me. I didnt know what to do so he kept texting me saying are you mad at me? and i ignore him for a little while then I finally wrote him back and asked him why he felt that he had to lie to me about it and then he started this you dont trust me do you? I just ignored that because I wasnt saying yes or no, but at the time no I didnt trust him because he had just lied to me about going to hang out with my own cousin. So I called my mom and asked if my bf had left and she said yes and that they had told my cousin not to go hang out with him because she wouldnt like it if I went and hung out with her bf while she was busting her ass at work all day and then at school at night. So she went anyways and the whole time they were out (they went to play pool) he was texting me and we were arguing. When I got home from school at about 9:45 he texted me and said I dont know if Im coming home tonight (since we had been fighting). So i called him and was like I see what means more to you and blah blah. So a little later he gets home and I hear him throwing my stuff out of his car so that he can take his car and leave. Right before he had got there I had seen that she (my cousin) had sent him a picture of her boobs (naked) on his phone and he had forwarded it from his phone to his email. Wow right then I hit the fan and couldnt think of anything except how hurt I was. So I went outside and went up to him and he was so mad (and i knew he was mad bc he knew he had done wrong) but he was mad and wanted to leave until my mom made him come in and talk to her. The whole time she was talking to him I didnt know what to think. This is the guy that I had given everything up for and I worked and went to school so that I can make more money and help us better ourselves. I did everything for him and I knew everything about him. Our relationship was much more than people thought they knew. We have been through things that no one knows about and I couldnt believe that he would have done something like this to me. So then I talked to him and he just sat there and didnt say anything. He never would admit that what he did was wrong (until we went to bed that night) and he still never said he was wrong he just said he didnt mean to hurt me. But he told me that she had sent that pic to his phone for a coworker the day before. I was livid. I dont care if it was for someone else she knew he was my bf and she shouldnt have sent it to his phone. Then I couldnt believe that he didnt tell me about it and then he went out with her. That was sooo messed up. Well we worked it out, technically he didnt do anything with her. Then about a month ago one of my other cousins told me that my cousin amber (the girl my bf went to hang out with) had told her that my bf had told her if she would give him the time of day, he would cheat on me. That just started it all over again for me. I asked him about it and he admited to it but wouldnt say anything else about it. Needless to say I lost a lot of trust in him because like I said he never lied to me about anything major or really at all. Once again I got over everything and decided to be with him because I loved him way too much and no matter what he did to me I couldnt be without him. But still to this day I find myself questioning our relationship and if I trust him or not. I really dont trust him and for some reason I always doubt myself and make myself feel like Im not the one he wants. I say stuff about that night all the time and he gets mad at me about it and tells me not to say things like that but its just my way of getting it out and i dont know. I want to leave it alone and put it in the past but for some reason I keep letting it get to me. I love him more than anything in the world and he loves me too but then again I think if he loved me he wouldnt have hurt me. I would never do anything to jeopordize our relationship and I know that two wrongs do not make a right. I just cant help but re live it over and over and wonder if he will do something like that to me again. Im pretty sure he did it because he was lonely. I went to school in the morning, worked till 4 then went to school at night from 5 to 1030 at night. And he worked too so we didnt get much time together on the weekdays. He never would say that was the reason but he did ask me if he was going to get to see me more. But even if that was why he did it, that does not justify it. But I just needed to tell someone else and I hope that someone will reply even though I just wrote a book. Sorry. But someone please share a similar story or just a little bit of insight.
First of all I dont blame you for your paranoia about him cheating on you..he has betrayed your trust...thats something HARD to regain once its lost..its the foundation of any relationship and if theres no trust..eventually the relationship wont work....i cant tell you how many times i used to argue with my boyfriend over similar things..he hasn't gotten any naked pics or hung out or cheated on me or w/e but there was a questionable text msg in his phone that was NOT ok from him and some chick at his work...thinking about it now makes me LIVID...i have to take my mind off of it...I still question some things and some days it kills me not to look at his phone bc honestly..i'm not the type of person to waste my time on a b.s. relationship..if you want me..be with me and be HONEST with me..dont waste my time if i'm not good enough for you bc I'll find a guy that will respect me and appreciate me...anyway...he saw how much he hurt me..and he got caught..and he KNOWS i'm good at finding out about that sort of thing..so if he even tries to be a player..he WILL get busted..and let him just TRY and find another girl that treats him half as good as I do...this was...alittle over a year into our relationship...and for a while things were really rocky for a while...i was obsessive at looking at his phone which ultimately continued to cause fights...but we've made it through it, and i'm starting to trust him more and more each day
your situation to me seems MUCH worse off considering it is your cousin AND the whole picture thing which is NOT ok..i'm sorry..you dont flash your cousins boyfriend and then come up with some B.S. excuse that it was for a coworker..i would NOT trust her and i would say honestly that if he wants to continue the relationship with you then the two of them should have NO contact at all whatsoever..the number needs to be deleted from his phone and if he talks to her again you're DONE...given the situation he should have absolutely no problem with it...why would he need her number? as for her...well, i couldn't tell you what I'd do..probably give her an earful of some...not so pleasant words...also, if she had a boyfriend and was messing with my boyfriend..i'd make CERTAIN that her boyfriend knew what exactly she was up to(sending pictures of herself topless)
if you truly believe that you two can recover and move on with this relationship then give it another chance...but the trust thing will drive you crazy...and if you dont feel like you can ever trust him again...then its probably best to just not waste your time...he cant NOT talk about this situation..it needs to be talked about...maybe sit him down..in a nice quiet place and tell him that if you two want to save the relationship you need to talk about this..talk it out..and after you've talked about it..dont bring it up again...
sorry its so long! I hope things work out for the best for you
Thank you very much for taking time to reply. I definately made it clear the night that it all happened that he would have absolutely NO more contact in any way with her and if so I was done. I deleted every number of hers out of his phone, deleted her from both of our myspace and from our instant messaging list. I no longer associate with her and I cant stand her anymore and she knows not to be around me. I really do not think he would ever talk to her again especially in a way like that but because he lives with me and she lives with her parents which live right down the street, it still bothers me. But my family all knows what happened so they would let me know if something else came up. I just cant stand the fact that any of that ever happened. She did drive by his work the other day and like stared at him and then another day when he was on lunch she saw him and honked at him, but he comes home and tells me everytime he sees her or whatever that way I know. Its just hard for me because he never lies to me and why he would choose to do something like that Ill never know. I dont think he will cheat on me but because of that I still have doubts in my mind. Sometimes I realize that I try to pick fights about it and I think its because Im still not over it. In his mind its been over and done with but he doesnt understand that it will take me a lot longer to completely let it go. But I love him more than anything and other than that we have never had any major issues. It just bothers me because all of that stupid bs makes me question our relationship but he always assures me that Im the one he wants. its just hard
at the beginning of my relationship with my current boyfriend he did the same. but in this case it was with his baby mama (weve been together 1 1/2 years now) but they would flirt and she would send him picks of her boobs cause he would ask her, and then show it to his friends(gross and disrespectful)
so i found them and chewed him out on it and he erased them, second time he was drunk and his friends were pushing him to txt her and get her to send some pics, so he did and although he says she didnt send them i found out that she did so again i chewed him out on it. but now he doesnt talk to her cause of a little insident that happened, were she lied about her current boyfriend not wanting my boyfriend to visit his daughter(which ended up being a cover up because she still had feelings for him, to make a long story short she yelled at him saying it should have been her not me he was with, that she was jealous and mad cause we were together and that he loved me) so i was happy he saw what shes really like, but dissapointed that i couldnt get to meet his daughter because of her immature lieing butt lol
anyways after all those little insident i did loose alot of trust in him, but i would always keep my guard up and i learned to pick my battles. i try every day to make myself trust him a little bit at a time, i still love him the same but after all weve been thru, the argument,fights, almost breaking up once...you have to draw the line as to how much you.ll put up with. if i EVER found out that my boyfriend said what your said about if she would give him the time of day, he would cheat on you, it would be over. cause one thing is being bored and immature and flirting harmlessly with his female friends, co workers etc, but another is being serious about if given the chance that he would cheat. you have to draw the line somewere. be strong
This is the guy that I had given everything up for and I worked and went to school so that I can make more money and help us better ourselves. I did everything for him and I knew everything about him.
Never do this for anyone. Do these things for yourself.
Anyways, this sounds like a whole lot of juvenile drama. Dump the lying boyfriend, forget the vicious cousin, and don't play games anymore-the ignoring, the picking fights, etc. Since like-breeds-like, you're going to end up in more melodramatic relationships unless you make a change. The only person you can control is you.