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My Boyfriend is Addicted to Pornography.

My boyfriend is a fantastic guy, very caring and loving. Incredibly funny, also smart. The way he thinks.. I adore all those little things, and even more do I adore the fact that I keep discovering more about him. He is the most unique person I ever met, he’s more than everything I ever wanted in a guy. I love him to death.

He recently admitted to me that he is addicted to pornography and, drawing that line further, masturbation. He feels absolutely terrible about it, constantly beats himself up, feels like he’s cheating on me, that he’s not good enough for me, etc.
I should say that it at first seriously bothered me… I had the feeling that it was because I wasn’t good enough, heh. That he didn't feel satisfied sexually. (He asked me to wait with sex until we’re married. He’s rather oldfashioned in a few ways, but that doesn’t really bother me… And, I of course like the idea that I’ll be his first, if we at some point indeed marry)

Thing is, he told me it’s been going on for a rather long time. After a while, I noticed how it is gnawing at him. Now I am merely very worried about him, and how bad he’s feeling. He’s doing his best to stop, now and then he 'fails', which causes him to feel so incredibly guilty and ashamed. Especially guilty because to him it, as he explained to me, is cheating on me and simply unfair to me. While he already feels bad about himself. I’m working on that, improving his self-image until he sees the wonderful person everyone else sees. And while I'm making progress, this seriously makes him down. I already tried to make it clear to him that masturbation on itself is natural, that it is not always a bad thing. This addiction is not good in the least, obviously. It really has to change. He tries his best, but repressing it, which is what he basically does, is not the way to solve it, I think...

I want to help him, but I don’t know how. I mean… How to change it from being an addiction to something that is ‘normal’ and natural again? Not something that punishes him and forces him to do that, not something that makes him feel so bad. I only want him to be happy… And if there is anything I can do to help him, I'll do it.
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replied October 15th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi onyxphoenix,

Your boyfriend need to see a sex thearpist. Unlike physical sex addicts, mental sex addiction is the hardest to control. It is ingrained in your brain, there is no turning it off. Most men admit when they are making love to their partner, they are playing the mental picture of what they have viewed on the screen from porno, oftentimes, these men want their partner to be the person they see on the screen and many become abusive when the woman doesn't submit to their fantacy. Please go with him to counselling so you can get a better idea as how to help him. It will be a longgggggg road and I don't think there is a cure for this but hopefully, he can get help for it.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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replied September 7th, 2013
Wow, at least he admits he has a problem! My boyfriend refuses to admit that his masturbation to porn addiction is even a problem. I don't even think that me leaving him will make him see the light. Good luck, girl.
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