Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

my boyfriend is abusive

please help me. i dont know what to do. my boyfriend has hit me and grabbed me by throat a few times before and yesterday it was the same, he hit me an pulled my hair i didnt do anything back and a few hours later he apologised and said he knows hes a horrible person, i told him i was thinking of splitting up with him because i cant take this anymore and now today he lunged at me so i swung for him n caught his face but it wasnt hard at all and i barely touched him and he went mental, started grabbing me as usual and lunging at me and im sick of it, he always threatens to leave and i always stop him, he threatened to leave again today and i didnt stop him but he hasnt gone, i want him to go and it upsets me that its got to this. im absolutely sick of him. were meant to be going on holiday on tues and i dont even want him to come, its going to be a horrible time but i dont want to go on my own and its too late to ask a friend to come with me. he was going mental at me for hitting him when he lunged at me and i did it in self defence but he was shouting at me saying i shouldnt of done anything cuz he lunged at me!!! so basically is he saying i should just let him lunge at me and not defend myself and hope he can be strong enough himself to no hit me? i think hes mental, please please help me and give me your views, am i in the wrong or what cuz im really confused.
thank you.
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replied May 22nd, 2011
Don't take this the wrong way, but how DARE you even IMPLY that you're in the wrong when someone is physically attacking you?! That's insane. Women need to stop thinking that they've done something wrong when a man is being outright physically abusive.

You need to leave a guy like this as soon as possible, contact police about him and if possible, take out a restraining order. If you don't, you're bound to become lumped into the statistic of women who are abused, do nothing, and eventually become prisoners in their own homes, all while defending their abusive boyfriend/husband whenever someone brings the problem to light.

You need to take initiative right now in your life and make it known that you aren't going to be treated like a punching bag by pigs.

I'm a man by the way, so I'm not just some angry women's rights activist or anything. I just really am disgusted by my own gender at times.
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replied May 25th, 2011
Hi

He lungs at you and in self defence, he gets a bump and then he says its your fault.
Think of it - if a friend came to you and said this to you what would you say.
Leave him! Its going to get worse, its something I have learnt and am still learning. If they dont see boundaries or see consequences it will get worse. Picture what your life will be like if you stay with him and now picture what it will be like without him. I know without him its not going to be easy, but its definately the better road. you will get through it. Imagine what he would be like as a father, - he is not good father material. Do you really want this? I know you are in a nightmare, and I can feel your pain as I am exactly hopefully one step ahead of you. I have made the decision as scary as it is, (being single again) after years and 10 months of marriage to leave him. You deserve more, you only have one life. The nightmare now will become hell if you stay - you know you have the strength - you have posted this online so you know something is wrong. Best of luck x
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replied June 19th, 2011
Coming from personal experience. I suggest you leave him, it gets easier and easier after the first time.. and second time.. and third time... one day it'll be too late, and he may go way too far.
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