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My boyfriend is abusive

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I don't know what to do anymore I want out so bad, but he just won't let me. If i try to leave him he says "i got you," or "ill kill your mom." I can't take the depression anymore. He emotionally and physically abuses me, i ask myself every day "why me, why did god do this to me, what have i done so wrong?" All i wanted to do was be happy and the first two months of our relationship he was like prince charming, i thought i could be with him for a long time then he just turned and started calling me names like a prostitute, and slut, and fat, and other mean names then he started physically hurting me by smacking me, and throwing me into walls, and even one time he gave me a fat lip and bloody nose for asking a question, all i could do was beg him to stop. After it was done and I had this humungous lip, when he looked at me all he could do was laugh. When he gets mad he tells me it's my fault i get hit. He always wants to say i'm all he has and if i left him i'd be walking out like everyone else and that he loves me to much to break up with me. I don't love him anymore, and I pray every night I could either be single or dead. He has pushed me to the point that i've tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists, then turns it around to his family like i'm the crazy one. Noone hears the way he talks to me or sees the way he treats me. He knows my family is all i have yet it's always about him. I lost all my friends and the only friends i have are my dogs. I try to stay strong but it's so hard. He keeps telling me if i put a wall up or keep to myself i'll regret it but if i put my wall down it's like getting shot all over. I put on a smile to hide my inside feelings because I have to protect my family and i'd rather him come after me then them. I don't know what to do anymore. If anyone replies they'll say just leave him but i try and he threatens my mom and the stuff he's told me about my past scares me into thinking he might acutally will. I try to be a good girlfriend. When we fight i don't call him names or anything mean but he still throws low blows. I just wanna be free. I'm not really looking for advice i just needed to tell someone even if it was the computer. I have noone else to tell this to.
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First Helper baby90
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replied October 21st, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi whyme11,

Please make this call ASAP! You can do it from the privacy of your home. Safe Horizons Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-621-HOPE (1-800-621-4673). This is your lifeline, please take it. This guy is mentally ill, you must get out and do it now. Be silent no more, your life depends on you making this call.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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Users who thank FadedRose for this post: whyme11 

replied August 29th, 2012
help!
I know how you feel Sad I know my life won't be worth livin if I left. I dnt ignore him tho, I argue with him coz that's who I am. So he says its all my fault coz I dnt do what he says. I say to my self next time ill do what he wants an he won't beat me but I can't help but scream back at him coz he's so mean and controlling. I have noone 2 talk to coz my family wouldn't leave me alone if they knew an my fiance has threatened 2 say an do things to my family. I got hit strangled and kicked last night but it wasn't as long as usual because I give in quicker. Its gettin harder to put an act on when I leave the house coz my mum and sister only live over the rd so I've begged my fiance 2 get us out of the area coz that's the only future I can see without my family being hurt. Thing is sometimes we can go wks without him hurtin me even if we argue an he even compliments himself coz he hasn't, so y does he do it
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replied December 10th, 2012
why me - a friend
whyme- reading your story and knowing what your going through and have to put up with everyday makes you so strong stronger than you will ever no u said how u tried to be a good girlfriend but realistically its not a good girlfriend he cares about its about controlling you can you picture yourself with that animal for another year please sop inguring yourself he sees this as another weakness i never heard you say you loved this man once you desirve to be happy not everyman is like this has he ever hurt your mother before if not i would say hes just saying these things to try and control you even more men that treat women this way usually dont have the guts to treat anyone else this way i no you dont want to hear leve him but you desirve to be happy not living everyday in fear isnt right you only have one life dont let him destroy it thinking of you your friendxxx
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replied November 10th, 2010
)=
Hi whyme11,

Reading what you wrote made me cry because I feel your pain. I broke up with my abusive boyfriend who I've been with for 3 years just 2 days ago. When we started dating, I thought he was perfect, the guy I always wanted. A few months into the relationship, he started accusing me of constantly cheating and started controlling what friends I could have. Here began the verbal abuse as he started calling me a useless prostitute and more. Four months into our relationship, I found out he was cheating on me with 3 other girls and when I confronted him about it, he blamed it on me. He said since I was cheating, he was going to cheat first. To be clear, I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM, EVER! He promised he would stop cheating. A few months after that, he accused me of cheating on him with my OWN BROTHER when I went to the mall with my brother. He said I was a sick prostitute and had no self respect. He spit in my face and called me names. As I ran to my car he chased me spitting at me while calling me names and laughing. I broke up with him that same day, but he told me he would kill my dog that we adopted together if I didn't come talk to him face to face. I was scared so I took my college roommate with me to talk to him. If my friend wasn't there, I know he would have tried to hurt me. He said he was sorry and wanted me back and that he would change, but I told him I would not be with him until I saw the change myself. 6 months later, he contacted me and wanted to see me saying he had changed. I agreed to meet in a public place since I was still afraid of him. I saw that he had changed and he seemed like the man I fell in love with. We started dating again, but a few months later, he snapped and punched me in my face. I was left with a swollen bloody lip. He said that was what I deserved for breaking up with him. He insisted that I broke up with him for another guy, when in reality it was due to his abuse towards me. The same day he apologized and said he would never hit me again and that he loved me. I foolishly believed him. 7 months later, he accused me of cheating yet again. He said he was spying on me and caught me cheating. That night he said it was okay and that he forgives me and that I didn’t need to deny it. The next morning as soon as I woke up, I had had the worst beating yet. He choked me against the wall. He yelled at me to beg for forgiveness and to say that I was sorry, but once I did as he said, he got even madder saying that I was admitting my guilt. He punched my face into a table and he kicked my stomach and legs as I fell to the ground. I tried screaming for help, but my voice wouldn’t even come out. My legs were in so much pain that I couldn’t even get myself up to run away. He said that he was being nice by only beating me up and that I deserved much worse. He said that if I was a guy, he would have killed me long ago. When he finally stopped, I limped to my car with bruises from head to toe, ripped clothes, a black eye, and a sore body. He made me come back inside because he didn’t want anyone to see me. He said I was an embarrassment. I wanted escape, but was too scared. I didn’t have anywhere to run to. No one to talk to. The only friend I had was my dog. I stayed with him out of fear. It has been 4 months since that day, and just 2 days ago I found the strength to finally leave him before he hurts me again. He doesn’t understand why I’m leaving him because he thinks all the abuse is in the past, even though he’s still verbally and mentally abusive to me. I left him for myself and my family. So that I can finally be free and live my life for myself and not for him to control as he pleases. He has been calling me and sending me text messages nonstop since the break up, but I have ignored every call and text. Each text has contained abusive words saying that I’m a no good prostitute and that I need plastic surgery. He has also accused me of leaving him for another man again. The only hard thing is that even through all this, I still love him and miss him a lot and cry over him every night. I love the times that are actually good and when I look through pictures I miss the good times and I feel like maybe if I did something different he could change. I know his actions are not my fault, but I can’t help but feel responsible for all the pain. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else, but at the same time I don’t want to get hurt again. He has asked to see me face to face, but I know it’s a trap and I’m continuing to ignore him. I finally feel free, but I don’t know what to do with this freedom. I want to put my life back together and find my identity, but I don’t even know where to start. I have no friends anymore and don’t know how to socialize anymore. I have no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. If anyone ever wants to talk, please message me. Sorry for this being so long, but I just wanted to get everything off my chest.
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replied March 24th, 2011
Hi there,

I hope you stuck to your guns and stayed away from this man. He will not change. Once an abuser always an abuser. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and I finally found the courage to leave. My ex harrassed me for years following..he was still the same maniac. He died last year and as terrible as it sounds, I was relieved. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here.

Jess
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replied July 9th, 2011
2 days out
ur story sounds like u r talking about me my boyfriend was exactly the same way. he use to hit me, throw things at me, spit at me, choke me, etc he always accused me of cheating even if i was just goin to the store. he put spyware on my phone so he could track every website i went to and put gps on my phone so he knew where i was at all times. the worst was the emotional abuse he told me it was all my fault, deny he even hit me and said i was just a big baby. he called me fat weak and a waste of life all the time. finally it was something small (in comparsion to everything else) he accused me of cheating bc my phone accidentally dialed out while in my purse and he heard voices (it was the radio)i just couldnt take it anymore. i was so unhappy, hated myself thought of killing myself. i felt so alone and isolated. that was two days ago. i still feel sad and i burst in tears still, i want him to change but know i cant make him. he calls and texts but most of them just wanna knowin who im cheatin with. i do miss him i was with him for five yrs.i feel like there is a whole in my life but i need to be strong
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replied July 30th, 2012
Reading your story is like listening to mine being told. I walked in the door tonight and he spit in my face. He always does. He screams constantly calling me every name in the book. I also am ready to leave. I finally found a place I can afford. In the meanwhile I smile and nod no matter what is does because I know it is finally almost over. Take care Smile)
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replied December 2nd, 2010
ive done some volunteering at a battered womens shelter and first and foremost ladys i want you to know you are NOT alone, the first step is to only stay in public places, second is to communicate to someone you can trust, if you cant trust anyone you know, then find someone you dont, find a police officer or even call 911 and just tell them that your scared for your safety. dont do it when your "mate" is around for obvious reasons, if its as bad as it seems, you can go to a shelter, they'll get you food, a bed to sleep in, and youll know your safe, they have staff to help keep you safe and wont hesitate to call the police if it gets that outta hand. if any of you need someone to talk to feel free to message me, ill even exchange my phone number that you can call me from a payphone to so you can talk and tell me whats going on within your comfort zone, ill help.
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replied December 6th, 2010
ive been with my bf for 3 years and he too is abusive,i dont take my own advice because im still with him but if you love yourself enouf please dont do this to yourself x
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replied October 20th, 2013
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years n he is very verbally,mentally n physically abusive. I no I shouldn't but I hit back n scream back. I miss the person I feel in love with. I want him back I love him n I don't wanna lose him. I to have tried to kill myself I relapsed on drugs cuz I couldn't take the pain. I just wish I knew what to do. I love him.
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replied December 10th, 2010
Hello,
You commented on my post and said you feel the same way as me. I am getting out quicker and quicker and its because of the hotlines ! CALL THEM!! even hospitals they have crisis centre workers and they will help you make sure you talk to professionals they will help you with your self esteem and you will begin to gain strenght to get out. With my guy I lost my job too and school cuz i worked with him and quit to work with him. You need to find new things for you!! And if you live with him, get out. You need to start doing things for yourself, your problem is you depend on him now to make your decisions for you, you need to regain your indipendance again. I have been trying to leave for a long time now, but even tho the physical abuse has stopped he is still wishes me and my family dead and calles me a prostitute that will amount to nothing in life and plus hes having a kid with his roomate in one month! There are just things you dont need to deal with in life, think about your future, what do you want in your man? A prince charming without the hurt right ? Well you deserve it so go and find it! Just start small if you have too, even if its just your self esteem and indipendance. I went to a book store and found books and they help ! one is called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" (this one is REALLY GOOD) then i got one for my self esteem called "The ten things to do when your life COMPLETELY falls apart" and then one to help with the break up called " So the looser broke your heart? Now what?" The first book get it! IT will help explain everything that you dont understand and help you detatch yourself, anyways good luck, stay strong and GET OUT NOW!!!!
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replied December 22nd, 2010
Baby90
your ex is son of a b*tch
i really wanna meet him face to face
and see how he looks like if he get punched in the face.
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replied March 24th, 2011
Please...any woman reading this that is in an abusive relationship. Leave..get help..reach out to family or friends or a shelter. He will never change no matter how many times he says he is sorry and that he doesn't mean it..I went through it for almost 5 years and it only gets worse. I had to escape from my own home and take with me only what would fit into my car. It was so bad that he made me quit my job, wouldnt give me money for gas so I couldnt go anywhere, broke my cell phone so I couldnt contact anyone. He would beat me daily for virtually no reason at all. I had to leave while he was at work and I drove on fumes to the nearest phone where I called my mother and told her that if I didnt show up it was because I had run out of gas. PLEASE LEAVE these abusive men. If they don't kill you, they will ruin your lives at the least. I still struggle with anxiety and PTSD almost 6 years later!! NO WOMAN deserves this and it is NOT your fault!!!!!!!!!
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replied August 2nd, 2011
Emotional abuse from my boyfriend
Hey I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now and we have been living together for 2 years. When we first got together everything was great he was kind caring and very loving towards me. We decided to move into an apartment together only renting mind. That's when I seem to recall he changed we both used to work full time with me working alternative shifts at work so I saw him for around 4 hours a day in total. When I came home from work he would just ignore me, not even acknowledge that I had even come home. Then when we went up to bed I would be too exhausted to make love to him and he would say it was because I was cheating on him and that's why I was too tired and call me a slag. He would just then roll over and go to sleep like nothing had been said and I would lay awake upset and crying.
We would argue over stupid things and that's when he turned physical towards me and hits me and spits in my face. He says I'm the psycho and that I need help and it's my fault I drove him to hit me with my annoying voice. I would always feel guilty and bad about us arguing and would apologise to him he would say sorry back and we would cuddle on the settee. We once had a big fight as I kept feeling insecure about myself over his ex girlfriend who he has a child with thinking he wanted to get back with her and that something was going on between them. This was all in my head and he flipped out and punched me and pinned me down on the bed and gave me a black eye. He then went to bed as normal I slept on the settee. The next day when he had seen his handy work he cried and said he was sorry and that he would never do it again he was so convincing and did look upset so I believed him. This was the first time he had apologised and I thought he was going to change. In our new home I paid all the bills and all bills were in my name he threatened to leave me with all the debts and bills and I was too scared to be alone to let him. Everything was great for about 6 months between us and I felt like we were a normal couple. Then he started accusing me of cheating again even though I never have! And he kept saying I was fat lazy and ugly and that no one would want me that's why he was stuck with me. I believed this as he then started telling me everyday. I am a size 10 and would look in the mirror and feel horrible about my body image and tried to change by not eating this just made me sick and I was too I'll to get out off bed. He then built me up again saying I was beautiful and he loved me. I felt normal again. I changed my job so I could spend more time together and yet he was still nasty to me saying I was ugly lazy stupid and I couldn't do anything right this still continues now and I believe him I'm a loser and he tells me these things to help make me a better person. I recently found out he has been texting someone behind my back and it hurts so much. He has been friends with her for years but she has only been mentioned once or twice in our relationship she lived far away from us so I know they wasn't meeting up or anything. He said he has been texting her for months on and off to see how she is but he would delete the messages and even her number from his phone. He said he didn't tell me because I would kick off about it. I feel hurt and betrayed and feel he has cheated on me in the past as he has with all his other girlfriends even his last - when she was pregnant with his son that is how he met me. He belittles me everyday and makes out as tho I'm the crazy one I have no respect for myself and often cry at night or sleep on the settee. I feel trapped and isolated. I know he can change I just don't know how to help him. He says he loves me and wants to get married and have a family of our own when he is ready. Somebody please help any advice would be great

Anon/23/Uk
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replied December 7th, 2011
Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 years now. when we first started dating everything was awesome, he was so loving and caring towards me, and he would do anything for me and to see me happy.3-5 months later things started to change, alot! he started getting extremely verbal towards me, calling me a slut, a dumb b*tch, stupid, and everything you can imagine. He would say this stuff to me over something so small i couldnt believe it. then he started getting physically abusive towards me... he had threatend me with knives saying hes going to kill me, hes choked me out numerous times, he's spit in my face, im much smaller than him so he throws me around like im a rag doll. and then one time, about 2 months ago he beat me read bad. he went on my fb account and started reading old messages from when we had broken up. well let me tell you that was a mistake.. he beat me so bad throwing me into walls, kicking me, slapping and punching me, i didn't know what to do but cry, he told me if i yelled he would choke me .. finally he stopped after i couldn't move anymore. after a while he appologized, and i just had to forgive him because i was scared what would happen if i didn't. he MADE me stay the night at his house so no one would see what i had loooked like. that was the worse fight we have ever gotten in.. he hasnt really physically abused me since then, but the verbal is still bad. he says im the reason all this has happend, and everything that goes wrong in our relationship is my fault. latley i've been so fed up i just don't want to do it anymore.. i've told him over the phone when we fight that im done, and then he gets real upset and i give in.. i know its wrong but its so hard. i dont even love him anymore, we live in the same city pretty close to each other, so im scared he will follow me, and stuff. i know in a weird kinda way he does love me, and i dont wanna me another girl to leave him, but i gotsta.. christmas is 2 weeeks, im done all my shopping for him so i think to myself im just going to stick it out till then , and then tell him over the phone im done.. i just want my life back. i have no friends, i got rid of my cell phone because that caused so many fights, ...i just wanna be happy Sad
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replied December 17th, 2011
My boyfriend afta three years calls me a slag ,slut, prostitute, tart the lot , he gets drunk and cals me them more , he has just had a drink and in anger coz Aparently am such a slag e spat in my face hit me wit a pillow round my head and flickd me between the eyes is this abuse or my fault for havin two kids that arent his.
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replied August 15th, 2012
i feel like im the reason... i instagate .. but i dont know how to trust ...i always feel hes cheating or like hes going too.. i ask him too often.. i feel like its my fault because i accuse and question and ive got a loud mouth thats why i have a black eye
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replied August 15th, 2012
i feel like im the reason... i instagate .. but i dont know how to trust ...i always feel hes cheating or like hes going too.. i ask him too often.. i feel like its my fault because i accuse and question and ive got a loud mouth thats why i have a black eye
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