So like the title says, my boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic, should I stop drinking? I do not believe I have a problem. I have taken a lot of the online test to insure I do not. Also have done a lot of reading up on it.
I have gone quit a few times with him to event or to friends homes and denied a drink quite easily. Though this is where I get a bit selfish.
In my head I am thinking:
1. I am not the one with the problem.
2. Why do I have to suffer for someone else's mistakes.
3. I am always a responsible drinker, why should I have to quit too?
I don't want to get out right pissed, I would like to have a few drinks. That means, 3-4 with in a span of about 4-6 hours. I don't drink on an empty stomach or if I am in a bad mood. Though regardless of my responsibility drinking, even this seems to upset him. I feel like I am on a guilt trip every time I have a drink, which MIGHT be once a week.
I want to be respectful of coarse. I will have a couple drinks with friends when he isn't around, or sip on a glass of wine with a friend. I wont even keep alcohol in our home anymore. Our relationship is worth more then me having a beer on a hot summer's day. But that being said am I so wrong to feel upset about this? Should I seriously just stop all together?
He isn't asking me to, but he would appreciate if I did. I like to get some sort of idea of what I am suppose to do to support him and if it is unreasonable to think we could make this work either way.
i dont think you should stop drinking, no. if you are being respectfull and not keeping alcohol in the house and not doing it front of his face then it should be fine. what i will say though that this is clesrly not an easy time for him or you with him admitting he in alcoholic. he is very early in recovery and what he mightbe trying to say is that when he sees you drink, he wants to drink. if this isnt a problem for YOU but it is for HIM ehy not stop for a few months and then see where you are both at?
An alcoholic should not be around others that drink, it is too tempting even if he says it isnt. I am not saying you should not have a drink when ya feel like it just do not do it while he is with you. You two should sit down and discuss what he wants and what you want and what he is able to handle-like you coming home smelling like booze. Does he go to AA meetings or anything? You can always try a meeting with him or the meetings for spouses of alcoholics, I cannot think of what it is called Good Luck!
There are many philosophies of Recovery.
The one I understand (Alcoholics Anonymous) and practice has two answers:
The first thing an Alcoholic has to do is to get physically sober to recover basic health and vitality and to clear the mind so that it is fit for something resembling logic and reason.....He has to De-Toxify his system.
In order to do that, it is best that there be no temptations in the home or hospital or recovery center where he De-Toxes.
Once that is handled, he can learn that he has gotten his addiction from using alcohol as an answer to life's challenges, and he needs to find a better way to deal with life's challenges...a set of rules and or faith to live by.
Once he is successful enough to realize that he can face life without drinking, then what you drink should not matter. As long as he has a grip on the rules and/or faith by which he shall live his life, then he can witness your drinking without a risk to his recovery.
It is up to you and him to know when that time has come. Until then, be discreet about your drinking.
The golden rule is not to put drink in his face when he has no foundation or rules, tools, or faith in his recovery.
Once he is on steadier footing, he can address his anxiety by using his rules, tools, and faith.
To abstain from what you want in your life will not help him, it is co-dependence, giving up your joy to prevent his anxiety or discomfort. Experiencing someone drinking, and a pang of desire to drink from time to time should drive him to use the rules, tools, and faith in order to find his footing in life.
For the first few weeks maybe even months no you shouldn't be drinking in front of him and that means not being drunk front of him either. Don't tell him your drunk stories or that your going out to drink. Be sensitive to his recovery after all he wouldn't have need to recover if it wasn't that bad or he wasn't in control.
After awhile and he has gone through the withdrawal. The bumps to understanding and has regained some sort of healing and control then you can drink in front of him if he allows it ie at a restaurant etc because eventually yes he will have to cope with seeing hearing smelling and being around alcohol in some shape or form.
You make the decisions for you with the respect to him