Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

My boyfriend broke my heart- how do I fix this?

I met my now ex-boyfriend at a Halloween party last October. We hit it off, started dating, and soon things got really serious. By January, we were spending every night together because we loved being in each other's company. He was my partner in crime and my very best friend- he knew everything about me- and he felt the same way. He called me his soulmate, and I knew that was true, that this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about and agreed on a ton of important things- he wanted to get married and have kids, too, neither of us wanted to raise our kids to be religious, he wanted to move out of the big city just like I did. I've never been in a real relationship before, so, yes, I was inexperienced, but I'm also a very pragmatic person and don't just fall for anybody. He made me feel like the most wonderful, beautiful girl in the whole entire world, and I would look forward every day to getting off of work and being able to see him. I felt like the universe was created for the two of us, and I was so happy. I was happier than I'd ever been. Here was someone I knew I could count on, who would always be there, who loved me just as much as I loved him, and who would do anything for me. For once in my rather unlucky life, things were absolutely amazing.

But after awhile, the honeymoon period ended. Because we were spending pretty much every night as his place, we were basically living together. However, he shared an apartment with 2 other guys, and his bedroom was tiny- barely enough for a twin bed, desk, and dresser. Neither of us had any personal space and we were constantly in each other's way. Add to this the fact that I was having trouble sleeping with another person on such a small bed, and so I was snappier than usual because I went for months without getting good sleep. We started fighting about little things- doing the dishes, making sure the room was clean so that two people could actually be in it- but our fights would consist of me ranting for awhile, him stewing in silence which would make me angrier, and then us giving each other the silent treatment for about 5 minutes before realizing that we were being silly. Now, I grew up in a large family, and fighting is part of my everyday life, but he was an only child whose parents never fought in front of him. After we'd fight, we'd make up, and everything would be back to being wonderful.

I was too close to the situation, I think. I didn't realize how much crabbier I was being, and neither of us realized how much we should have taken some time and personal space. And he didn't talk to me about it until it was too late.

I came home to Texas for a month for the summer, and the day I left he took me to the airport and we couldn't let go of each other, we kept running back for one more kiss. Then, a week later, he told me that, after a fight we'd had in May, something had snapped and he just didn't love me anymore. He had tried, but it wasn't working.

And so he broke up with me. I was devastated. I am devastated. I keep going over the times he said I love you after that fight, all the sweet things he did in the days following, when he said he didn't love me anymore but faked it so well that I didn't even realize. How did he expect things to be better if he didn't talk to me about it? I miss him so much. I feel like I've lost my best friend and my soul mate, and I want him back so badly. And after the break up, he's done everything to make it harder for me. He's shipping my stuff back to Texas, so I have to pay to ship it back myself, he's blocked me on facebook, and I feel like he just doesn't care about me anymore. We were supposed to move in together this year, and now I'm stuck trying to find a place on my own, which makes it so much worse. I can't stop crying, and I can't stop hoping I'll get him back.

My heart is broken. No, he wasn't perfect, he had his faults, but I loved him for them, and he was absolutely wonderful. And now I've lost him, I've lost the closest friend I had at school, and I can't focus on anything except how much I miss him. I haven't talked to him in forever- I'm trying to respect his wishes- but it seems like he truly doesn't care what happens to me now, and that hurts more than anything, because I still love him with all of my heart. I dream about him every night and dread when I wake up in the mornings. How does this get better? Is there any way to get him back? Is it possible he still loves me, but because he's inexperienced in relationships the fighting sort of covered up the love? I feel so lost and confused.
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First Helper pouffychickidee
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Users who thank ooshiegirl for this post: Anchilla 

replied August 4th, 2010
Hi there
I understand what you are going through. Just like you, I want my ex-bf back so badly. I am still waiting for him. He broke up with me just a month ago. I was hurt and didnt want to accept the fact that we are no longer together. I called him, texted him many times, but he barely repplied to me. That made me so mad. Now I learn that I should give him time.
Only time can tell whether he still loves you and wants you back or not. Meanwhile try to focus on your life. No one love you more than yourself. My mom always tells me this. You have to be strong. Men like strong women so dunt appear to be weak in front of him. If you want to know whether he still cares about you or not, you can play a little game. Tell him that you plan to visit the city where he lives with a friend for few days. If he still has your stuffs then tell him you'll get it so he doesnt have to send it to you. Or just make some excuse to see him. Whatever it is, not because you miss him and so want to see him. See how he responds. If he concern he'll ask who ur going with, where ur gona stay etc, it shows that he still cares. If he wont make any comment and want to see you, he might not love you anymore. remember, relationship is a two-way relationship. If he doesnt want, well accept the fact and move on. Dunt let relationship ruin other parts of your life. One day you will regret it. There are more important things in life than romantic relationship. At our age, school is more important. Dunt be sad for too long.
I hope this helps!
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replied September 10th, 2010
Experienced User
Playing games is ill-advised. Realtionships are not games. Right now the ball is in his court....so-to-say. If he doesn't want to talk to you.....you can't force him to do such. He would have to come back to you....so....sit tight and relax. Stop communicating with him.....let him start the communications.....and only communicate when he does (don't fire off 5 texts to his 1). Treat this situation like an adult....not a crazed little child and you two may just get back together.
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Users who thank hotandsunny for this post: Anchilla 

replied January 23rd, 2011
I am going almost threw the same thing with my boyfriend now, we havent broken up yet but i can feel it is close. It hurts to just be close to him. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me, that i am the one and he really is trying to hold on to me, but he keeps telling me he wants to move in together and then a while later he changes his mind and sets it out longer and longer. He is in the army as an officer, he is a captain and waiting to be promoted to major, I know he's job comes first but he sometimes makes me feel like he doesnt love me enough to live with me. He really loves my son and i know he really does love me but he sometimes really hurts me 2. I dont want to let him go coz i dont want to hurt anymore and im affraid he's my only chance of happiness. He stood by me through my divorce and helped me to get over that hurt, but really the hurt has never stopped. I love him with all my heart but im affraid if i dont end it now then he will end it in the future or mess about like my ex husband did and id have to go through all that hurt again.
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replied January 24th, 2011
Experienced User
Anchilla - you are the only one who can make the decision. I was also faced with an all-too similar situation. The person told me the same exact words only to reverse her mind. I eventually ended the relationship....the only way to end it was to cut her out of my life completely. Did it hurt? Yes.....probably the worse pain/hurt/heartache I have ever gone through however in retrospect it was the best decision I could have made. From my experience, they will continue to hurt those who love them unless they get the necessary help and even then so do not live a normal life thus I chose to end the nightmare I found myself in and move on.
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replied January 24th, 2011
I just want this hurt to stop, I want to have a faith that this will get better and that things will be ok if im patient but i cant wait for him forever. Its bad when my mother looks at me and cries coz she knows her daughter is hurting, even she said to move on but im so affraid of the pain. I dont want to imagine my life without him but i cant see him in my future either.
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replied January 24th, 2011
Experienced User
If you can't see a future then you have already made your choice hon....

Chris
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replied January 29th, 2011
Stop thinking about what he said before... THAT WAS BEFORE, listen up, it didn't work, it didn't MOVE ON! He moved on,why not you? he doesn't cry, why you? just take this experience and learn from it! time heals any broken heart. He sees a future WITHOUT YOU, so move on, if he didn't want to stay with you HIS LOST! not yours!, basically your relationship went to fast, not enough personal space, he doesn't want you anymore, you learn from it, move on, take care of yourself and find somebody else and next time you will know better, you are not the only one with a broken heart, two years ago I founded my ex(in the time boyfriend) on valentines day cheating on me, I NEVER SUSPECTED ANYTHING since our relationship was like you except the fighting, it was a shock, I cried for 2 weeks, till I finally snapped and though wait a sec, I founded them... he stills sees her and sleep with her, he doesn't care, he is not worth it, my life change I took care of myself, and no I am with an amazing man, so yah move on, life is short, and your still young, not the end of the world.
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replied January 29th, 2011
Experienced User
When I retrospect back, in regards to my relationship, I always ask myself why did I allow myself to be treated so poorly by an out of control sick individual. She also was sleeping with someone else and lied about the entire state of affairs. If someone loves another it doesn't provide an excuse for treating that person poorly. There is no excuse for poor treatment of another regardless of the person's disposition. A surprise you'll have to be on the lookout for is their return. They seem to always come back because you are a safe haven for them thus I put a stop to that behavior upon our last breakup (she dumped me over 19 times). I eventually moved on and you know what....life is back to normal without all the drama, issues and problems she brought into my life. Do you want to live life with all the drama, issues and problems they can bring into your life? I don't! Does it hurt? Yes it's going to hurt and hurt more than anything you have ever experienced if you truly love that person however you will eventually move on and find someone who is normal who can have a loving relationship. It takes time but you'll pull through this and you'll be stronger/smarter from the experience.

Chris
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replied July 12th, 2011
hi guys,
my boyfriend just broke up with me last night,out of the blue wasnt expecting it at all considering he told me similar things to what you guys were saying, that we would move out in january, kids etc.. and just told me he didnt see how it was gonna work and that his heart wasnt in it anymore.someone tell me what this means?? only 3 weeks ago when i told him i wasnt happy he said he cant imagine not being with me and he promised he would make it work. the night before he dumped me he told me he loved me so much and that he doesnt want to break up. I attempted on two occasions to break it off before he did and he said its not what he wanted.Only a few days ago he was pushing me to book a 2 week holiday together I dont understand? what changed in that short time? As i walked away in anger last night he text me saying "please dont be like this im sorry i love you, please talk to me". i rang him back soon after and told him how much of a waste of time he was, how dare he tell me he loves me after dumping me and i hope hes happy and hung up. I never realised i was like this but i love him so much and it hurts twice as bad to kno he doesnt want to be with me. As much as he hurt me all i want is for him to get in touch and tell me the real reason he broke it off after convincing me we would get through anything and to tell me he made a mistake, i cant help this feeling and am terrified im going to sit by my phone waiting for him to contact me but i could be waiting forever. He obviously didnt love me as much as he said he did and is probably not hurting in any similar way to the way i am. can anybody give me their view, some words of wisdom perhaps or just take this pain away!
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replied July 12th, 2011
hi guys,
my boyfriend just broke up with me last night,out of the blue wasnt expecting it at all considering he told me similar things to what you guys were saying, that we would move out in january, kids etc.. and just told me he didnt see how it was gonna work and that his heart wasnt in it anymore.someone tell me what this means?? only 3 weeks ago when i told him i wasnt happy he said he cant imagine not being with me and he promised he would make it work. the night before he dumped me he told me he loved me so much and that he doesnt want to break up. I attempted on two occasions to break it off before he did and he said its not what he wanted.Only a few days ago he was pushing me to book a 2 week holiday together I dont understand? what changed in that short time? As i walked away in anger last night he text me saying "please dont be like this im sorry i love you, please talk to me". i rang him back soon after and told him how much of a waste of time he was, how dare he tell me he loves me after dumping me and i hope hes happy and hung up. I never realised i was like this but i love him so much and it hurts twice as bad to kno he doesnt want to be with me. As much as he hurt me all i want is for him to get in touch and tell me the real reason he broke it off after convincing me we would get through anything and to tell me he made a mistake, i cant help this feeling and am terrified im going to sit by my phone waiting for him to contact me but i could be waiting forever. He obviously didnt love me as much as he said he did and is probably not hurting in any similar way to the way i am. can anybody give me their view, some words of wisdom perhaps or just take this pain away!
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replied July 16th, 2011
Just fresh from break up here. Well, i can't officially say "break-up" because he has no guts to say it directly to me. Though I love the man, I need to move on and be strong. In the middle of the problem, instead of fixing the things, he found someone else to replace me in just a matter of days. After 3 years in a relationship - he threw it just like that
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replied February 13th, 2012
Okay, here is the thing almost everyone has been through a break up at some point. They suck. You have to ask yourself though is being sad and all down the answer or is continuing to move forward and finding happiness? Is your guy a stick or a boomerang? If he is a boomerang he'll come back to you. But in the meantime get yourself together and learn from the experience. go ahead and have a good cry, maybe even several but then clean yourself up and go out with friends. Why wait by yourself? All relationships are different and only time can tell if two people are truly meant or each other.
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replied March 22nd, 2012
hey,cheer up. Don't try to remember those things again. Enjoy your life.
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replied March 22nd, 2012
hey,cheer up. Don't try to remember those things again. Enjoy your life.
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replied September 24th, 2012
Experienced User
Calm down, move forward, Time will cure everything. Good luck.
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replied April 18th, 2013
My situation is similar, though while he wasn't perfect, I think for the first time in my life the break up was my fault. When someone is obviously treating you bad, as had happened to me before, it's not as hard to walk away because you know from a rational point of view that it's definitely for the best. but it's a lot harder to move on when you know you're the one to blame. I struggle with depression, and he's know this since the first time he laid eyes on me ten years ago and always was there for me, and now he's gone. How can I accept this and move on knowing it was my fault and that I might have pushed away the one person I believed loved me so much, possibly forever?

I'm scared and so sad. =[
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replied July 23rd, 2013
Hi ooshiegirl

Sorry this is totally random, but i was just reading break-up posts as I have recently gone through the worst break up of my life and it sounded quite a lot like yours.

Met my boyfriend 10 months ago while i was travelling the states. i ended up going home to get a work visa and coming back and moved in with him. we were so in love for the whole relationship and living together worked so well, but all of a sudden two weeks ago he told me he loved me in the morning and came home that night and called it off out of the blue. told me he wasnt feeling it anymore, that he couldnt put his finger on why but he didnt love me anymore. I had no idea he was feeling this way. there was alot of pressure on our relationship as my visa was only a year and we would have probably had to get married to stay together, so i think he started thinking if he would marry me in the next 8 months and decided he wouldnt, and once he knew that he had to end it straight away. it is so hard for me, i thought i was going to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life.
Any way, i just wanted to know if you had any advice since you went through a similar breakup (out of the blue etc). I need to know how to get over him, its nearly been 3 weeks and i cry every night and dread the mornings alone, and dream about him and cant focus on anything else during the day. do you have any advice? did you guys get back together?

thanks so much
Chelsea
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replied May 8th, 2014
I met this man online. Yes, I met him online, and he sent me an e-mail back in January 2014. He said I was beautiful and that he wanted to talk, so we did, and it was great. We could finish each other's sentences, and we has so much in common. Still, he was in the military in Afghanistan, and would be home in June. He broke up with me on Monday with less then five weeks before returning to the states. His excuse was that I could not bare children which I told him in the very beginning, and gave him two opportunities to opt out. He said that we could adopt if he really wanted children, and that it didn't bother him too much. I was always good to him, I would send him packages, and talk to him all the time, but he began to change, and I noticed it immediately, and was stupid to not just end it then. Deep down I knew it would end this way, but I didn't want my fears to con me out of losing a good thing. I should have just took that chance and ended it like my gut feeling told me to. Three months ago I was going to end it because he started to change so much that it was not for the better. He claimed he wanted marry me, move to Texas get a house, start a life. I wanted so much that I believed his lies. It was foolish of me to do so, but when you want happiness so bad, you choose to ignore the "red flags." When he broke it off with me he said that he was so infatuated to have met a perfect woman, and that he would still like to remain friends. Why do they say that? I believe that he either met someone else, or he went back to his ex-girlfriend. After all this time, he doesn't even want to meet me. He asked me to be at the airport. He said he loved, me, and wanted a life with me. Now, he won't answer any of my messages even though he said that he knew I wanted to message him. Yet, he is not logged in. I have done my share of crying, and I do relapse every now and then, but if anyone can be so cold, and unfeeling that he can treat another human being this way. Just discard me as if I am nothing. That's the hurtful part. I think he wants me to agree to be his friend to keep the channels open. Just in-case his plan fails. Yet, I haven't heard from him, and to be honest I don't expect to. I feel that I was just someone to pass the time, although he claims that his feeling, and conversations shared were genuine. What upsets me more is that I knew this would happen, I had all the clues, and I chose to ignore it. What a fool I was to get myself caught up in this situation. How do I make myself forget him?
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