Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

My boyfriend and bipolar.

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Hi,
I have recently read forums on people who are dealing with a partner with bipolar and it has really hit home. I am asking for just some advice as I am some what stuck in a situation.
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years this summer. The first 8 months, were perfect, I was the luckiest girl in the world, everybody was jealous. I had never EVER been so happy. We were together constantly, we were each other's best friend. He left his mates behind (which his mum was so grateful for.. we were 18 at the time, now coming on 21) there had always been something funny about him, outspoken, always full of joy etc .. Then he got back into contact with them.. I knew he smoked weed before, but he started again when he got back into contact with these losers. Started having a go at me for no reason, telling me I was going on and on, constantly just pushing me away.. then one week, he ended it, told me he needed to be alone. Needless to say, he was back in a week saying he made a massive mistake. Few months down the line, it went back to how it was, he was always having a go at me, rather going to smoke weed with his friends, etc. You see, my boyfriend had a horrible upbrining, he had a abusive father, he never talks about it, but he went through hell, his mum has told me everything, he told his friend, he kept having flash backs from it... weed seems to help him forget that. But what made me wonder, was his moods, one minute he'd be so nice to me, the next, he'd snap and it was as if he hated my guts. He'd lie about the most obvious things and be conviced that i wouldnt tell the difference even thou the proof was right infront of him. Last summer, we broke up, I ended it, but he went along with it.. 4 months apart it was, he was constantly trying to do everything to make my life a living hell..publishing things on social networks etc.. even got arrested by his own mother because he recked his room, smashed things, drew red crosses all over his wall..was so high all the time.. then after 4 months we spoke, we got back together, he tells me he didn't want to be weak by coming back etc.. its not perfect, he cant come round mine, ive only just started going round his, etc.. then 3 months down the line, he ended it again, tells me he didn't want a relationship anymore..3 weeks later after tearful emails, status's between us both, we got back together (not forgetting him being so horrible in the process, then telling me he was giving weed up which made him snappy, told me and his mum, he was giving it up for good, he realises his mates were bringing him down etc) .. anyways its been great, ok we've had a few arguments but we've got on so well, until his mate comes back on the scene. i know hes still smoking weed, but his switching moods are occuring.. he loves winding me up, he does what he wants but if its me, he goes mental.. one minute hes loving me so much, the next hes so angry at me and hes smacking his own head and going bright red telling me to get out.. it broke my heart, i left. Then he apolgised, and since, hes been annoying me, to get a reaction, anything, he;ll be moody then he'll be nice.. he'll say something, and he won't stick to it. im convinced he was biopolar, but of course hes not going to admit it. I just don't know what to do, I love him more than anything, why do you think ive stuck around after everything? .. but if he won't admit it, what can I do? again i know hes back on the weed, which isn't helping.. Im so scared he'll end up leaving again, he;s 20 and he acts like a 2 year old, he has a increased sex drive which i've read up is another symtom of bipolar, his mum is even sure there is something not right. I just need some helpful words as im scared.. i try my hardest, i really do and most the time it is ok, its just when he snaps, and im scared it'll go back to how it was..thank you.
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replied May 12th, 2012
I have bipolar type 2. There are a couple things you need to know. 1. You cannot make someone accept they are bipolar. They have to be open to wanting to know what is going on so they can get better. 2. When a person is bipolar, they need to avoid drugs of any kind because they trigger episodes. You need to protect yourself and not try to save him. This is not your fault and there is no solution to making it better other than him hitting bottom in a safe environment where the help will come to him. I know it breaks your heart and you sound like a wonderful gal, you need to break it off and let him work through it all. Let him know you are there for him if he needs you and put it in his hands. It's your life too and you are not a door mat. Bi-polar folks are very selfish when they experience mania. It could be he isn't bi-polar at all and it's something else. He needs to see a professional when he's ready. Plus, the more your boyfriend knows you want to help him, the more he will resist and act out. Good Luck!!
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replied May 18th, 2012
So he has not been diagnosied with BP its only an assumption because he is moody when using drugs?
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replied July 15th, 2012
Good point..that would be for a medical professional to figure out. Drugs make people moody. BP is very definitely not the same as moody from drugs.
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