Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

My bf is Bipolar and Deployed....

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I'm really looking for some insight from anyone that can help me. I met my boyfriend on a dating site back in September. We started talking 3 days before he went back to Afghanistan (he was home on R&R) so we were never able to meet in person before he left. After talking for a few weeks we decided to attempt a relationship. We've been together since October 4th. At first everything was great. He was so sweet and funny and everything I could have ever asked for in a guy. But soon things started to fall apart. He told me that he suffered from depression and was on Zoloft and a few other meds (he never told me what the other meds were...) and OD'd on the Zoloft one night "accidentally" but went to the medic on base and got liquid charcoal and threw all the pills back up. He then started accusing me constantly of cheating on him which I didn't think anything of it because his ex wife had cheated on him and that's why they divorced. Soon, he was accusing me of cheating all the time (I'm not....and would never)

We both have been through a lot a crap in relationships before and both have trust issues so I just attributed that to his trust issues. Then one night about 3 or 4 weeks ago he and I were talking online and out of no where he had told me that someone had hacked into his bank account and stole $200,000 from his checking account, savings account and stocks. He was completely freaking out about it but then said that he could just contact his mom and have her access his "reserve account" in the Caymans which was approx $2 million. He's told me several times before that his family was well off and his parents were antique map dealers. I had no reason to doubt him so I went along with everything he said. About a day or 2 later I asked him if he had contacted his bank and he was completely indifferent about his loss of $200,000. At this point I began to wonder if maybe this was something that he had told me just to impress me or something. Again, I didn't think too much of it, until about 2 weeks ago.

We had a huge fight and he finally told me that he was bipolar. I also am bipolar though my diagnosis is less severe (my diagnosis is Cyclothymia I think it's called??). A few days after that my bf and I were talking on yahoo messenger and he told me that he had tried to kill himself and was completely indifferent about it. He stopped taking his medication and refused to take it or talk to anyone. I was so upset about everything and scared for his safety so I contacted Military One Source to see if they could do anything but since I'm not family there wasn't much they could do. I then found his mom on facebook and contacted her. This past week we spoke several times and when I had mentioned his bank account being hacked, she said she had no idea what I was talking about and that he didn't have that kind of money.

I then started piecing things together and began to realize other things that my boyfriend had told me that were also possible delusions. On several occasions he's "name dropped" and told me of several celebrities that he knows or has met. He has started taking his medication again but only because his command is forcing him to (not sure if this is at all related to my call to Military One...) and seems a bit better. So my question is with my mild case of bipolar I don't have delusions and now that I know what he suffers from I'm really curious if anyone knows if he's consciously aware that what he says is not true/real or does he REALLY believe he's got a bank account in the Caymans and knows many celebrities? I'm doing all I can for him because he's such a wonderful guy and I care about him so much. I'm reading all I can online and as many books as I can get my hands on to understand this better. I plan on sticking by him through all of this and all I want is to understand what he's going through. Sometimes hes willing to talk to me and other times he won't tell me anything so instead of pushing, I've taken a new approach and told him that I love him and am here for him and if he wants to talk I'm here to listen. I would really appreciate any advice on how I can help him/be there for him...and my apologies for this being so long!!
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replied February 27th, 2012
I'm also in the military(marines). For us bipolar disorder can be a deal breaker(medical discharge) as I am seeing a therapist for my relationship. We touched on the subject and I was eventually diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend is bipolar I though, but I was enlightened. Truth is we don't make alot of money obviously, but being deployed and not married it's definitely nothing to brag about when you look at the bank. As far as medications? Usually that's all monitored by the Doc everyday. So for him to overdose is a little far fetched on his part... Maybe it's different for him, but for him to come up with an elaborate explanation like that is pretty intricate. As far as the him thinking your cheating? It's a hard one to get over escpecially after his marriage Falling apart. Alot of guys come back divorced, and it hurts. I came from a 3 year engagement where I found out she was cheating on me and I can honestly tell you I have trust issues...

My best advice is to tread lightly obviously, but see if you can verify with anyone he works what's going on. He gets free calling cards to call home so see if it's possible that you speak to his boss one day. It's sounds a little intrusive, but of your willing to make it work try to have some things clarified in that respect.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you, and he'll be fine out there.
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