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my best friend wont listen to me

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I am 18 years old and my best friend is 17. She found out that she was preg at the end of december of 08. Since then she's done all kinds of drugs, and drank about every other weekend or so. no matter how hard i try to get her to stop, or to at least let me take her to the doctor she refuses. she's starting to show now and informed me today that the baby had been kicking for the last 3 weeks.. I talked to my mom about it. and my mom thins that i should adopt the baby. I really want to cause when i was 14 i was told that it would be extremely hard for me to get preg cause i have ovarian cysts. I explained to my friend that i would adopt it if she went to the doctor, and cleaned up her act. but tonight another friend told me that she was going over to her and her boyfriends house and bringing X. Now i don't know if she's going to take any or not. but i'm to the poing now that if she doesn't give this kid up for adoption, let me have it, or straighten her act up im calling DHS and telling them everything.. I really dont want to do that but if she's going to put me in a situation where i have to cause its best for the baby then ill have no problem with her being mad at me for a long time. When i brought up the topic of me adopting the kid she sounded relieved. and guarded at the same time. she sounded relieved cause i offered to give up my life so she can go to art school. and her kid would have a better life, and deep down i think she knows it. but its also up to her boyfriend who is a complete dick. he wont let her go to the doctor cause he doesn't want some other guy's hands down there. someone please help me i dont know what to do anymore. if im making the right choice to adopt this kid. going to DHS if i have to... i just dont know anymore HELP!!!!!
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replied May 24th, 2009
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I think its very important that somone told what she is doing. If she is feeling the baby kick already she is atleast 14 weeks... that mabey even a little early for fetul movement. If I were you I would call DHS. A girl from here where I am did the same... drugs, no going to the Dr. She didnt go untill she was in labor, she said that she didnt need to because she has already gone trough it all ready with her first baby. Well after the baby was born she was handed directy over to child protective services. Ashley's parental rights were terminated. They even took her 1st baby that at the time was a little over a year. Now she is pregnant with another, that will also be given up for adoption because she isnt to have any of her children. so now she has 2 girls in a home together and a new baby on the way that she will never be able to have, because she did the things your friend is doing. Dose she not relize that she can/will get in trouble for this? And as for her boyfriend... WOW what a jerk! She could get very sick or lose the baby or even die if she isnt seen by a Dr. thats deff. something he needs to get over...and soon!
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replied May 24th, 2009
Yes - Call DHS, tell a teacher, tell her Mom. Doing drugs and drinking could make the baby very sick. If she continues, the baby could grow up with lots of problems and be very difficult for her, you or anyone else to look after.

Be her friend, go with her to the doctor. She is probably scared and in denial. She needs your support. Talk to her calmly and call the doctor together.

Now is not the time for you to be worrying about adopting a baby. You can get pregnant with ovarian cysts and you are very young to take on this responsibility now. Once she has seen a doctor, they can help her to decide what the best thing to do is when the baby is born.
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replied May 24th, 2009
growing up
My birth mother was living on the streets getting by on prostitution, drugs and alcohol. She had me at 13. No lies i can give u the documents. But I turned out alright, got adopted to a family who abused me mentally, emotionally and mildly sexually for the next 16 years until i moved out. I have faith in the kid. There are extremely high chances of it being born under unfavourable conditions and it is up to you to decide if you are willing to take the chance. You are still very young and education is important in this stage of your life. You will struggle a great deal if you take this card up. I wont even get into what a great deal I can think of is happening for your friend. It sounds to me like shes doing all she can to destroy the baby. Or at least to find a reason enough when it's deformed to not love it. In either case, its one of those really selfish things to do but not selfish at the same time, know what i mean? Its just mistake. Is abortion available? Its noones fault, but someone can make the situation alot better. The one in most of that power, is her. The one whos second in power is you. Because you could accept the baby, or you could influence her as deeply as your own life exists. Hope that helps Smile
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replied May 26th, 2009
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this girl needs to be reported. She is not taking this seriously, plus shes doing drugs. She needs to get to a doctor, she could get a female doctor, even , but she needs to. She is threatening this childs life and someone needs to step up and make her realize what she is doing to her child. Especially if you want to adopt it, which i dunno if at 18 you can do, but yeah report her because obviously she needs help and shes not going to help herself.
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replied May 26th, 2009
Especially eHealthy
As an 18 year old girl, it is unlikely you would be considered as a viable adoptive parent. However, the good news is that nearly EVERYONE has ovarian cysts at some point in their life and having them does not mean you cannot conceive a child! So there is the good news. Smile

I'll go along with what everyone else here has said, you need to tell your friend's parents she is pregnant. If she has known since December, then she is at the very least 6 months pregnant - which would be about right, considering the fetal movement.

Sounds to me like she might try to get rid of the baby anyway she can. Doing drugs, pre-term labor, etc.

More than likely, you could report her to CPS, and they'd not do very much. Please do, though. And also her parents. Whoever is supporting her needs to be involved.

Adopting a drug addicted baby is probably not something you should consider at this point. There are plenty of families who are more suited both emotionally and financially for this kind of task.

Good luck!
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replied June 2nd, 2009
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Am I understanding that your friend hasnt sought medical attention? If you want to be any help right to her at all then report it. Right now it sounds like she needs someone to intercede and well as tough as it might be that person is you or your mom. It is very mature and kind of you to want to adopt her child. Sweetheart this isnt a problem you alone can fix. When anyone is abusing drugs its time to get professional help. As far as your situation in having children? It was correctly stated that all women at some point have ovarian cyst. Some individuals just have problems with pain, cramping, and the cyst growing to big to where they have to be surgically removed. When you are ready for motherhood I am sure a OB/GYN can help you out.
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