I tried talking to my friends and few adults, most of them told me to drop her, or have no clue what to do in my situation. So after all my options I am resorting to a more open way of getting more information about this situation. So please bare with me.
I met this girl at my job around June of last year. She was a transfer employee from a different store which I would come to find out I would end up working with her same time 5 days a week. the first couple weeks we started to feel each other out getting to know each other. We were not sure how we would act, because in a restaurant business we get a lot of pricks and weirdos going in and out. By end of July I started to develop feelings for her. She is very pretty, and she is really cool to be around. One of my friends that I work with told her I developed a crush for her. I didn't want to say anything, because I knew she had a boyfriend. Well after that I noticed she started to touch me more like pat me on the head or rub on me. So I did what anyone would typically due. I asked for her number and seen if she wanted to hang out. Of course I didn't expect her to say yes. Usually I would get the "I cant my boyfriend wouldn't like that". But... She did say yes and we ended up getting ice cream. At that time she thought it was just friendly, but later when she came over to my place to hang out I noticed she wanted to get more flirty. eventually coming to terms that she wanted me to kiss her, but I refused because of her having a boyfriend. By end of August I finally kissed her. I felt super bad and I expressed to her that its not right, and I felt that she would never leave her boyfriend. She is very dependent on him. Shes only 20 and she is in debt from school loans and car payments, she lives with him for free. Anyways, She kept telling me that she doesn't know if she is going to stay with him over and over. Eventually our feelings increased and we slept together. We talked over and over and she kept saying "I don't know, I don't know". She explained to me that I was her only friend near by that cares and can talk to. She told me her whole life and every detail. I even opened up and told her almost everything about me. We became so close and would vent to each other and talk to each other when something was wrong. She said she really liked me, but this continues all the way through December and she never left her boyfriend.
The last time we slept together was new years eve. After that things seemed to go downhill. One day she made a post talking about how she wants to be a better person. I knew soon as I seen it. It was directed at me. Following two weeks she avoided me and would pick things to argue with me about. I just let it go, assuming she was dealing with some problems. Which at the time she was. This was happening in January. Towards the end of the month she apologized and told me she was dealing with some issues, I told her that I would be there for her no matter what. I liked her I really did. End of January she found out she was Pregnant. She came to me first and only told two other people. She hid it from her bf which had me all up in defensive mode. I wrote her a note, one night because I had so much to say to her that I wouldn't be able to remember it all, But basically I told her I would be with her no matter what and I loved her. She hugged me and seemed really happy to hear it. Later that week she got a abortion. I tried to be optimistic and comforting as much as I could, I even reminded her that if she needed anything I would do it for her. I just wished her the best. She was really upset about it all because she never wanted to be in that situation. I came to find out her Boyfriend never uses a condom, and she won't pressure the situation. So I tried to encourage her to make him use one. She always told me my opinion mattered... but she never really listened. two weeks later she got pregnant again.. We were all happy and caring for each other and we were good, We haven't slept together or kissed since new years eve. 6 weeks later I noticed her avoiding me again and being difficult,I would even slip in at work saying I love you and she would go on to say Love is a big word. I assumed it happened again but didn't say anything. Two weeks later, she texted me.. she was 8 weeks in.. I was furious, because I love her so much, and I found out so much things about her boyfriend it disgusted me. I didn't know how to handle it she trusted me to not saying to anyone, but I just couldn't handle it. So I went to my best friend that I known for over 10 years.. and word got out. she came over next day banging on my door and yelling at me. she told me to get her out of the back of her head and leave her alone for couple weeks until she decide what to do. 2 weeks went by and we didn't talk.. it drove me up a wall not being able to talk to her. She went through the abortion again. When we came back to work, she was happy to see me and asked if I still wanted to be friends. She told me she was angry and didn't mean a lot of things. BUT.. Things did change. I apologized for my mistake and I know it could never be taken back. I talked to her and told her that I still care for her. She told me she still cares for me and likes me even though she shouldn't because of her bf. She is the best thing that happened to me in a a long time. I don't want to let her go and want to keep fighting for her but everyone tells me to give up.
She has told me she cares for me and never wants to see me hurt, and constantly apologizes to me for hurting me. That I am the closest friend to her. At one point she was joking and said its the thrill of the chase, and I told her there is no chase cause you won't leave your boyfriend. She went on to say "no one knows how I feel but me." That just put my head into a spin. She has feelings for me still yet Nothing will come of it, and It hurts me to see her with her current boyfriend.
The guy is 26 years old, he to me is a druggie. she argues otherwise but when you do different kind of things every-week, your a druggie. Hes 26 years old he should be having most of his life together.. Well with all this I don't want to stop trying but I feel like I will never win. She told me that if something ever happened she would come to me. Which keeps me at peace with her caring.
This week she told me she feels great and hasn't felt this way in a long time. I can't believe it but I have to be happy for her. She found an apartment with her Boyfriend which will being moving in next month. She told me she doesn't even know she can't afford it. I just don't understand what she sees in him. She keeps telling me its not that hes better its just he showed up first. The guy is a douche and even though he buys her stuff and doesn't treat her well. it just drives me crazy. I love this girl and she likes me.. but I feel like its all falling apart and she will never be with me.
My job seen me and her as a distraction so they changed my scheduled, she feels really bad about it and puts the blame on herself. I know She still cars for me a lot, but she doesn't want to ruin what she has. I am glad she is happy but I just wish I knew what to do with myself. I want to be there for her and I told her how I feel, I just will never understand what she sees in him, or what I am missing.
We still talk, but not as much as we use to. Use to be every day, now if were lucky its twice a week texting. We still see each other at work couple hours a day and talk and she still hangs around me at work. I know something is still there, I just wish I could make something of it. I don't know what to do, I really want to be with this girl and I know I can give her a good life, and treat her better. I just don't think she will ever give me the chance. Shes been through a lot and I think she just is too dependent on him.
I get so frustrated when she talks about him, I try to hide it but she can pick up on it. Also I get so mad about it sometimes I get into wishing that their apartment plans will fall apart causing them to fall apart. I just don't know how to handle this or what to do. I tried to be everything to her, and would never try to hurt her. She is a really great girl, shes open to me and caring and she listens to me like no one else does, she tries to be there for me, but with everything being so upside down lately she also been distancing because of her relationship..
You are a very loving, kind, and compassionate person. You would make an awesome boyfriend/husband just not for this girl. Wake up, grow up and get out off this merry-go-round this girl has you on. She has no plans on leaving her boyfriend for you or anyone else. Why would you continue to hang around a girl who use abortion (murder) as a form of birth control? She lies, cheats and use you like like yesterdays newspaper. You can do better, deserve better and you should drop her like a bad habit and make way for the girl out there who would love to have you as their boyfriend/husband. If you continue to hangout with this girl, her boyfriend will find out and he could very well hurt you and her. She isn't worth you losing your life or going to jail, if you continue this kind of behavior, it will only end not in your best interest. You are to good of a guy to be played like a cheap banjo. Please leave her asap! She has some major issues, biopolar or just plain evil.