For the past 3 months after finding out that my boyfriends baby mama didn’t want him to go visit his daughter because she still had feelings for him(not because her current boyfriend would be mad...she had made that lie up.)i asked him how his lil girl was doing. He says he hasn’t heard from them in 3 months. No phone calls to keep him posted, no pictures...nothing. i asked him if he knew why and he said “oh i didn’t tell you? last time i talked to her was when the whole drama happened in may. She said she was having problems with her boyfriend and didn’t want me to go cause she didn’t want anything to happen. That it was her not me. that she didn’t want to confuse the child on who was her father.”
That pissed me off so much. So from a female point of view...she prefers the other guy to “act” like a father to her kid, than the real biological father? Just because hes so far away. so i said “oh so she finally gave up?” he looked at me and looked confused so i told him. that in june after she had made up that stupid my-boyfriend-will-get-mad-if-you-visit- excuse. He was still feeling a lil bumbed out about the whole situation and we had a night in, watching movies, drinking, spending time together alone. And he told me “the real reason why she didn’t want me to go was because she still had feeling for me, that she would be crushed watching him leave again. She said she was angry that i had fallen in love with you and that we were living together, that it should have been her not you that i was with.” I was stunned out of my mind! When i found that txt i never brought it up cause it didn’t matter, he was with me so why should i make a big deal out of it rite? But suddenly hes telling me about it!
He says he cant remember much of what he said. But i told him calmly. “i know your not a spiteful person, and i know you wouldn’t make something up as serious as what you just told me just to make me mad or jealous, so i know its true. And i don’t care if she does still feel for you, why? Because you love me and shes just going to have to get over that. But please respect my decision when i tell you that she disgusts me, for putting us thru this drama, for her using your daughter just to try to get to you ( when shes angry she.ll make stupid remarks on how he would be a better father if he were there with her and the kid, etc hurtful things).”
He didn’t say anything, he just nodded. I told him i wasn’t too shocked because from the moment we met and started making things serious, it felt to me she was trying to pry into our business. And i confessed to him that in the beginning i was scared that just of the simple fact that she had his kid that he might go back to her. He just hugged me and shook his head hard, saying he would never go back to her. He did say something that the way i understood it was we would never be in a situation were our kids would be confused on who their real father is, cause their real father would be there with them. Sorta made me smile but i felt a lil sad for his daughter cause it reminds me of me when i was little. My father passed away when i was 3 and my step dad has been the only father ive ever known. And my boyfriend tried explaining how he thinks i would feel if my father was alive and trying to make up for those years. Id be angry and i wouldn’t recognize him as my father..simple as that. So in a way i was telling him “if your ex feels the need to distance your daughter from you, when your kid is older and asking her why she hasn’t heard from her real dad. Shes gonna have to step up and tell her the truth. That she distanced you from her. And then all hell is gonna break lose, and since its her fault shes gonna have to deal with it and explain it to her. But...she wants things this way then so be it. Sorry its so long but i really needed to get that out and possibly get some input.
