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motivation issues

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I've been suffering from depression for years and it was relatively under control when I took effexor xr, but I stopped taking it because of the side effects and everything. Now I'm on a low dose of prozac which I originally started taking for anxiety, but my depression has come back much worse than before. I'm a college student and I'm supposed to be graduating this semester, but for the past few semesters I haven't felt motivated enough to even go to class. I've been failing classes and getting behind but I just don't care. It seems like all I want to do is sleep and sometimes I think it would be better if I wasn't alive. I have plenty of reasons to be happy but I'm not. Now that all of my friends are graduating I'm starting to realize that for about 2 years I have been somewhat of a hermit and I feel like I've been totally waisting my life because I barely remember anything that's happened. I think I don't remember because basically all I did was sleep and stay in my room. I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and if so, what did you do about it?
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replied May 3rd, 2008
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That was my first year of University to a T. Seriously. I don't remember much because I just barricaded myself in my room and did absolutely nothing.... My marks suffered greatly and so did my chances at maintaining any relationships (whether it be romantic or friendly).

I finally hit bottom and realised that I was in serious trouble. Not so much academically or socially, but physically and mentally. I couldn't function any longer, so I decided to go to my school's counselling service and talk to someone. Even just talking to someone helps. They put things into perspective and recommend ways to reconfigure your life and your house and your eating habits to make your body and mind feel so much better. Though they were small changes (and therefore small effects) they eventually helped build the road I would travel to recovery from depression.

I would definitely recommend seeing someone and just talking about what's goin on. If you've done it already, fantastic. Take what they say seriously. Also, for many people, it takes trying many different medications before you find one that's right for you. Be patient, because you will eventually find the winning combination of medication and therapy that will help you recover. You'll see the world so much differently and realise how wise and awesome you are. It's such a liberating feeling when you've conquered it. That day will come!
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replied May 4th, 2008
Thanks, I'm glad there is someone out there who has felt the same. I am afraid to try new medicines because of all the hell I went through with effexor, plus my short term memory has become terrible and I blame that on anti-depressants. I do think I need to try something different or maybe a higher dosage of prozac but I really wish more was known about the long term effects of some of the newer drugs out there. I have talked to a school counselor and I like him but for some reason I feel like he is judging me, and I also feel like he only wants to know about one issue at a time when I really need to get them all out there in the beginning. I'll definitely look for someone to go to over the summer when I'm at home because I need to get this sorted out. Right now I'm so anxious because there is only one week of school left and I haven't been motivated enough to study for finals, plus I haven't been in class so I'm way behind. I feel a termendous amount of guilt for what I've been doing but that still isn't enough to motivate me and I just dont have a clue what I need to get back on track.
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replied May 4th, 2008
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School can ALWAYS be re-done. I know that sounds huge and inconvenient, but it's true. Right now, as we speak, I'm on a hiatus from school because it just didn't fit in to my plans to stay in 'remission' from depression. Sometimes you have to weigh the effects school and the stress associated with it will have on you versus your own personal mental and physical health. Do NOT feel guilty, because the lack of motivation you feel is NOT your fault. It's a chemical imbalance coupled with built up and learned means of coping with whatever comes your way. You have to both be medicated to help the chemical imbalance and re-educate yourself on how to deal with obstacles and life situations.

As for Effexor... I went on it. Luckily it was the first medicaiton I went on and, though in the beginning the side effects were pretty extreme (I felt like I had been castrated for weeks and I was always slightly on edge) It worked wonders for me. It took about three months. I just had to be patient. I seriously recommend trying another medication to see if it works. Just remember to be patient and be optimistic that you will recover. The optimism alone is such a great boost.

I wish you the best of luck with everything!
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replied May 5th, 2008
Thanks, I'm definitely considering finding a new medication. The prozac has been wonderful for my anxiety but feeling like a zombie is not the effect I was going for. I'm also considering taking a break from school but I'm so close to finishing that I don't know if I should. I was going to take a class over the summer but I think it might be better if I just go home to my parents' house and relax. This is a hard decision but thinking about relaxing and recovering sounds like such a relief. I only have 2 finals and a project due but I feel like there is no way I am ever going to get through this week, and I am so tempted to just take some pills and sleep until it's over...but I wont.
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replied May 6th, 2008
Well I ended up staying up studying really late last night and I got so freaked out a few hours before my final that I eventually decided not to take it. So I missed a final...I dont know if my professor is going to let me take it or what, he has been so helpful with me all semester but I'm sure that missing the final was probably the worst thing I could have done. I sent him an email telling him what happened and he hasn't emailed me back, and the anxiety I'm feeling about what he is going to say is driving me crazy. I guess failing another class isn't the worst thing that could happen but why was I able to convince myself that it would be better to miss a final than to just suck it up and go? I can't seem to make good decisions anymore about anything and I was never like this before. It would have been better for me to just take it even if I was having a nervous break down in the middle of class. Not doing projects and missing finals is totally not me at all...I really hope I can get my self esteem back because all of this has made me completely despise who I am.
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replied May 3rd, 2009
I know no one has responded on this in almost a year but I read through these and it's like I wrote them. I have 20 days left of my senior year until I graduate college and I am so behind in one of my classes I don't know what to do. I have been on prozac since my freshman year and although it has helped to a degree most of the time I can't bring myself to function. All I want to do is hole up in my room and let everything else go on around me. I feel like I am letting everyone in my life down and it's such a terrible feeling. I'm SO angry at myself. I know I should have been talking to someone for awhile but I could never bring myself to actually do it. And now with only 20 days left I feel like it's not even worth it. I am so close to finishing, I don't know why I put myself through such hell every semester. It's completely my fault, I just cannot find the motivation. If you read this, please let me know how things worked out for you and how you survived it.
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replied November 9th, 2009
Motivation
ALWAYS talk to someone. Even outside of school work people still experience things like this. I'm having performance and motivation issues at work and I've only been off my anti-depressants for less than a month. You have to change your habits. Exercise daily (doesn't need to kill you, just talk a walk up the street and back), eat better (you are not a kid, you know what's good for you), believe in yourself 100% (tell yourself you do even if you are having problems with it), And that no matter what in the end you will be SATISFIED with yourself. The End.
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