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Mother paranoid schizophrenia

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(Warning, very long but it explains what I've dealt with all these years)

I've known about my mom's illness just about my whole life, but never known quite exactly how to deal with it... I was an only child and always felt alone and didn't have anyone to truly confide in. There are so many things I could include here about my childhood, but that would be a story all on its own. Among other beliefs, the main one is that the government is after her, and has been since long before I was even born. Between my dad and I, we never mentioned it as though it were a forbidden subject when I was younger.

Unfortunately, the older I got, the more she's decided that I'm in on it too. I don't remember the age she began directly involving me in it, but when I asked why she believes those things, I couldn't get any other answer then "you already know anyway, I know who you talk to!" and insist that none of the things "they" told me were true, and would have promise that I didn't believe "them," whoever they are. All she would tell is that when they get her, they're going to shave her head and turn her into a science experiment.

By the time I turned 16 or so, my mom slowly started acting more and more hateful towards me. She would watch me when I'd so much as go grab the mail outside, and if I waved and said hello to a neighbor, I dreaded going back in the house because I knew it would be an hour of being interrogated about what I said to them, and ridiculous accusations made at me. She listened to my phone conversations, and the second I put the phone down, it was "when you said [insert line here] you meant that about ME, didn't you??" She tried to stalk my internet conversations, and thought I didn't want her to look at my stuff because I was talking to the government about plotting against her. I couldn't have friends over because she'd ate hateful to them to.

Eventually she accused me of hating her guts, frequently called me a !**@!, and so on. I felt like she viewed me as the epitome of all evil. There was a point where I was in tears over it almost every day. At one point, out of desperation I told her she made me want to kill myself, and no joke, she laughed at me and mocked my crying. She would act horrible to me up until the point my dad got home from work, then she'd perk right up and act normal to him, but literally cast angry glares at me all night.

I finally got to the point where I could no longer keep it a secret from my dad. When he came home from work I would tell him what she said to me that day and how she treated me, then she would scream that it was all lies. My parents got in several huge fights over this, some of which even got the attention of the police. My dad threatened to leave several times but then a few hours it would all go back to normal again (between them, anyway). There was also a point where my mom started accusing my dad of cheating on her with a 16 year old girl. She was convinced that porn spam emails in his inbox were from real girls. This of course started more fights. My dad threatened suicide several times, saying he couldn't take it anymore, which always terrified me.

I suggested to my dad that my mom obviously needed medical attention, and he agreed but she is so convinced that her delusions are real that any hint of calling her crazy enrages her. My mom absolutely refused to take medication. I became afraid that she may try to kill me, and even my dad didn't think it was too far-fetched to worry about the possibility. I considered her dangerous; I was afraid to be alone with her in the house. When my parents would fight, my dad would try to leave the house and she'd literally try to lock him in rooms or she'd hold onto him, dragging herself on the floor behind him. My dad called 911 several times and they would just tell him that unless she is making physical threats, they can't do anything. One night they did send people out, and she was put into involuntary care for 72 hours. She wouldn't speak to any of the people observing her, and when she was released she wouldn't speak to me anymore either. She said I could do whatever I wanted as long as I "let her live," and any time I tried to speak to her she'd act terrified of me. This didn't really last for long; after a few months the same old accusations started up again.

I finally moved in with a friend out of town when I was 18. This actually seemed to make my mom appear much happier, and she started returning to the mom I remember as a child. I now live with my boyfriend only an hour away from home. My situation has greatly improved over the past couple years, but I still worry for my parents.

Unfortunately, my mom seems to be having another episode that has worsened in the past few months. She is getting back to the point where she won't talk to me anymore. When we visit she makes this pouty face the whole time, looking miserable, and won't say a word to me. We just got in a fight over it on the phone and tomorrow we are going over for our Christmas present exchange and I know it will be awkward and full of her angrily glaring at me all day. I don't know how I will pull through the day without saying something to my dad about how she's been acting again.

Emotionally, I can't take it, but I don't want to openly get in a fight with her in front of my dad and start them fighting again as well. I wish she would come to her senses and realize the extent of her damage to others. For 25+ years she has refused to let others help her, or help herself, because the delusions she has are so heavily engrained into her mind. I honestly think she can't be helped, but I want so badly for a normal relationship between my mother and I, or at least a better way to deal with this. I don't want to imagine the rest of my life being in an endless war with her. Basically, I would just love to have other peoples' opinions on this situation, and maybe if someone else has a similar personal story, how have you dealt with it?
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First Helper FlavioSousa
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replied December 24th, 2009
I am new at this. My husband has just rencently started taking his medicaiton (at the beginning of July) to control his symptoms. It has helped tremendously! Anyway, I have tried finding ways for him to cope with his illness, and I thought maybe I could look for blogs, not knowing that forums for schitzophrenics even existed. Well, I found this site and showed it to my husband. He said it was very comforting to know that there are other people out there with this condition that feel the same way he does. He has never liked traveling from the town his parents live at to the town my parents live at because he's afraid they are going to judge him, the roads will be bad, he's afraid of my parents tiny papillion, ect. He is just plain afraid to do, go, or try new things because of what might happen. After reading the different things people had to say, he is finally spending time with my family- it makes me happy that it's for the holidays too. So maybe have you or your dad show her this site, show it's ok, you still love her, but she is really sick and needs help.
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replied December 24th, 2009
I can completely relate.
My mom was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in the 1973 I think it was. Anyhow..she had a nervous breakdown and
was then diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and put on medication. The medicine helps alot but she still has
hallucinations, hears voices and constantly talks and thinks about strange things that don't make sense.
She looks at life with the idea that people are either evil or their good. If you do something she doesn't agree with,
you're evil. She thinks that EVERYONE has some plan to "mess her up" or "trick her". She's always talking about "they"
and if you ask her who they are she says "the evil ones".
It's hard. It's so very difficult. Obviously all you want for your mother is for her to be able to enjoy a happy and
fulfilling life and enjoy a relationship with you.
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I think the most important thing to do is talk to a doctor, get advice from a professional. A psychiatrist or something. There are support groups also. http://www.nami.org/ might be a helpful site for you. I've just now in the past week or so, been talking more openly with my mom about how I think her medicine isn't working as well as one of the newer kinds would and I brought up schizophrenia and she denied having it. I read her the symptoms and she did agree that she has all of them. We're making progress. I hope that you are able to get your mom healthy. Best wishes:)
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replied January 24th, 2010
I have a story pretty similar to the original poster. My mother has dealt with paranoid schizophrenia for at least 18 years, and it seems like she's relapsing again too, which is why I'm looking at these forums.

It's been the same pattern for many years. She'll be on medication, but at some point stop taking the medication and things will get worse and worse. Then some triggering event will get her arrested or committed for a time.

I don't know if she's ever fully dealt with the path of destruction she's created in the last 18 years. She's been unable to hold a good job or have a relationship after my parents divorced, has been arrested, in homeless shelters, etc. Some of our family don't speak to her and have shut her out completely.

I used to listen to her for hours tell stories about poisonings, government plots, etc and then try to explain why I think she should be back on medication, about what her symptoms were. Unfortunately, it never did anything, but it seems like some people have been somewhat successful in doing that.

It can be absolutely exhausting to deal with sometimes. It's easy to fly off the handle at people with paranoid schizophrenia, but getting angry doesn't do anything, at least in my experience. It doesn't help that my mother pushes away everyone who tries to help her out and treats family extremely rudely.

But I think people in that situation need all the help they get - they're frightened, they see and hear awful things happening around them (in their minds). At the same time, you need to keep your own mental health in mind, and remember that you can't single handedly solve someone's problem.

I should take my own advice, I guess. These days, I will speak to my mom on the phone about how she's doing, try to keep it to reality, but I just refuse to listen to her stories now. I never saw anything come of engaging with her stories or ideas. I don't even know if it helps for her to tell someone what she sees.

It's easier now because I live in another state and don't have to deal with her directly anymore. I guess for me, having the support, or even just sympathy, of family members and friends is really important. I took books out of the library about schizophrenia which were helpful.

Good luck with your mother, it's good that you're taking the steps to do something about it.
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replied January 27th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
You don't seem to know whats wrong with your family members, you should probably find out.

you don't seem to have any clue what it is.

Out of sight, out of mind.
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replied June 16th, 2010
What is wrong with my mom? schizophrenic
i am 16 and my mom believes she is a messenger from god and the world is testing her. She thinks that rich people are running some kind of test on her to see if shes strong. She believes everyone is in on it. Shes scared of me and my family. She has had stuff like this go on for a while every 2 years she goes through a time where she thinks Different she gets paranoid and religious and thinks the world will end or something. when i was 6 my mom had to be admitted to a hospital for around 4 days. I don't know what to do and i don't know if she might hurt herself. I'm at a loss. I am very confused. i don't think she would take medicine because she believes that she right. She tells me that eventually everyone will realize shes right. It makes me very worried that I might become crazy when i get older.
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replied June 29th, 2011
There is a mental health crisis hotline in your county contact them talk to them about what is happening and psychologists will come out and evaluate you're mother if need be. Trust me i'm 23 and my mom has paranoid schizophrenia and she relapses sometimes and this is the step that I have to take to get her back on the right path.
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replied June 16th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
They give me the religious delusions also, but they make it very apparent that it is them making me think this, they always joke with me about being jesus, this for some reason is a very common "delusion" among these people that no one knows what is happening to them, they grab your mind and boom all of a sudden your jesus or a prophet or whatever, Mind control, government delusions for some reason is very common also, I have know Idea why, although I do know that the largest paranormal library here is directly next to the pentagon, but who cares.

What a mystery huh?

I would much like to here what your parents have seen if you don't mind telling.
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replied September 22nd, 2010
I too have problems with my paranoid schizophrenic mother. After many years of estrangement she has come back into my life and is total burden to me. She refuses to take her medicine. She believes that imposters can take control of a person, and they aren't the real person. Her illness is so severe that I had to spend my teenage years with aunts and uncles. She, in her mind thinks I am a 13 year old girl who she can boss around to get things for her. She bought a wheeelchair and put herself into it and plays "old lady, pity me" with the neighbors. I can't have her committed to the hospital because she is not a danger to herself and others. So away she goes, talking to herself loudly and banging things around in her apartment. She gets her jollies making people do things for her. I can't stand the b**** and I hate her and am resentful towards her for always being on another planet when I needed her. We will never be close, and I honestly am praying for her to die. I just want her out of my hair.One of the I have bipolar disorder and that in itself is hard to deal with.
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replied September 30th, 2010
I have a person in my family that should be on medication but refuse to take it. He used to write to us and write about killing people. It’s hard to convince a person that is not stable to take their medication.
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replied October 15th, 2010
Mother with Paranoid Schizophrenia.
I never knew this existed but I am desperate to understand more about this illness. I grew up with my brother with our Mum whom seperated from Dad when I was 2 years old, my first memory is of Mum screaming at Dad. I can't remember too much before I was 8 so imagine it was relatively normal but do remember Mum having fights and arguements alot, whether with the social, neighbours, shop keeper, It was just normal. Then when I was 8, a neighbour who had befriended Mum started babysitting just me and I was sexually abused for 2 years, We moved to a new area and there I told Mum what happened and she was supportive right until the Police and social workers became involved, then I was repeatidly told I ruined her life, that the man and every abuser was innocent until proven guilty shouted in my face. My brother and I went through hell and never knew why. Mum had completely alienated her family so we had no visitors to help. Dad came occasionally but didn't help so it carried on. Then when I was 13, Mum was repeatidly arrested for fights with neighbours, then she had the breakdown saying she wanted to die, a doctor came and told her to snap out of it and for some reason she was left with us and I fed my brother and I Macoroni cheese for a week. Funny thats all I remember of that time. I finally left home at 18 when pregnant to move in with my partner and to stop me deserting her and joining everybody else (her words) she gave me a parting gift of a kick in the side at 6 months pregnant. I never looked back. Still see her sometimes but she's refusing meds as says the docs are trying to mash her brains, shouts, talks about sex constantly and even flirts with my husband whom has been a saint! She's been admitted a couple of times but always released and has got lost in the system, She's even admitted to me, my brother and her care worker that she stood over our beds as children ready to kill us. I am so angry with family for not helping us, the social care services and the police. This country is a joke where this area is concerned and I have no doubt that I will be planning a funeral very soon unless she is taken in as last week OD'd again but found in time. Sorry so long had a lot on my chest and had to get it out. Is very comforting to see I was/am not the only one but truely wish their were more services for people like my Mother and me and my brother.
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replied October 16th, 2010
My mom, I think she has schizophrenia now. It has been a few years since she became really delusional. My dad tried about three times writing a letter to try and get her into a hospital, and they didn't approve each time. So there's no way to get help for her other than hope she recovers. It has been a stress for all of us, my brother is seventeen and he doesn't have a mother to look up to. I mean, she's here, but she's not here for us very much. Not her old self, she used to be a different person. It hurts me emotionally. Though, the other day she asked me how I was doing in college and it felt like a miracle that she actually wanted to know.

My mom started having false memories, she would say that the car my dad gave her for her birthday was a HS reunion gift, that she cheerleaded for the Dallas cowboys. A lot of random and sometimes even humorous stuff. Then she called the police on us at 3 am, and they came and she clearly had no idea what she was doing. The police were even understanding and talked to my dad privately. They all know there's nothing we can do because everyone has tried. There are no laws helping us get her help.

The best we could hope for is some stuck up lawyer to approve the letter my dad would write, and he's written three now over period of time...then she'd go to court, then she'd have an evaluation. Isn't that just nuts? I have a neighbor who yells profanities all day and blasts her music. She needs help too. Sometimes I wonder if there's something in the well water.
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replied January 25th, 2011
My mothers is diagnosed Parinoid schizophrenic as well. She knows that she is mentally ill, however still cannot seem to control her spells even with medications. I believe that it was brought on by the stressful event of coming to america and marrying an abusive man. After their divorce from a 10 year marraige (I was 3 years old)she was a single mom, a south korean woman alone in the U.S., raising myself and my two older brothers. My Dad lost custody of us and was allowed only supervised visits because he was accused of sexually abusing me. There was physical evidence that I was sexually abused, but my oldest brother stated to me when we were older that he didn't know if dad actually did it, because he remembered that a babysitter abused him when we were being watched. (this was the first news I had recieved that he was abused). The legal papers of my own account, (which my mother made sure I had) stated that I, as a 2 year old, said that my dad had done it. however, I now as an adult, have witnessed her call the police on people for "cutting up bodies and storing them in trash bags on their back porch" and thinking that someone is stealing her electricity in her apartment (in an apartment complex), which in her words "is possible by digging into the ground and somehow attaching wires." because of these thought processes, I then didn't know what to make of the accusations toward my dad as a child. He, after all, was never convicted of anything. Yet even still, my trust is forever jaded when it comes to him.

However, besides all that, I might as well have had the words "Sexual abuse" tattood on my forhead because my mother wouldn't ever stop talking about the subject and gave me complexs about my sexuality because of it. I remember her saying "don't give your father your senior picture, because he might masterbate to it." Growing up with these comments tanted my self image and gave me mountains to climb and spiritual journeys to undertake to find my worth. I seeked refuge outside of my family to somehow, somewhere, find a better life for myself. I envied my friends and their families. I wanted to be them.

Now, I have my own family. I'm married to a wonderful man with two happy boys, even dispite the trials of coming from a low income, single parent, manority, and mentally ill burdened family, with a Dad that is (maybe unfairly) untrusted. My greatest accomplishments include graduating from High School, a major feat for me,having a healthy family, and now currently being a student at a University to gain a degree.

My mother is still in my life and believes that my husband is abusive, has called CSD on our family, and that was where I draw the line. I love her, and I appreciate her making home made chicken soup for me when I was sick. I appreciate her cutting roses from her garden and leaving them in my room. But I search for the boundries to protect the family I have. I cannot live through anymore dramatic events like the ones she brings,nor do I want my children to experience anything like what I had to.

In the end, I created boundries. My brothers have moved out of state, our extended family lives in South Korea... and so I am all she has in her life. Me and the Government social workers. It's a storm to be navigated. I'm however encouraged that I am not alone in the stuggle of having a mentally ill mother. I find myself angry sometimes, bitter sometimes, wishing things to have been different, or be different. Having conversations with her where I wish I could just hear something sensable come from her mouth. But I then remind myself that I can't suspend my emotions on someone mentally not well. I detach myself and I see her for short visits. Everything is controlled in our conversations and I lie to her sometimes because I know that news of the boys having a cough will send her into a sleepless night full of weeping. So I tell her we're healthy.

I miss the mother I thought I had. An image that didn't actually ever exsist. I wish sometimes for a different family, most definitely, but burdens are deffinitally lighter when shared. Thanks for all these comments.
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replied June 29th, 2011
I know how you may feel. It's hard with a mother or any family member with schizophrenia. That sound's just like my mom. She has the same "Paranoid Schizophrenia" But you have to realize all those things that she says is not her its her paranoia talking. My mom has called the police saying a man severed someones head off, stood outside of a bank at 3 in the morning, Ran the neighborhood naked, threw out everything in our front lawn that had the color black on it. So many many things but its a part of her sickness and when she's off her meds. What i'm saying is you cant hide from her you need to be there for her and help her get the help that she needs. I'm 23 and I have sisters sometimes we wish we had a normal life with a perfect family but we don't so we learn to appreciate it. What may be normal to one person may not be normal to another. There have been time's where we had to literally call the police on my mom and baker act her and she cursed our name for days weeks months and years on end and I knew it wasn't her talking. I knew if I stood my ground and supported her through these rough times that she would get back to her self. And she did and she doesn't even remember those bad days it was all a blur to her. It takes time and dedication but you have to be willing to help her as much as you can.
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replied July 16th, 2011
As I read this post my heart started beating pretty fast. It's almost as if you're describing my situation with my Mother sans the Father in the picture. Now I am 33 years old and about to have my second child and she's coming to live with me, he's "visits" usually don't last more that 6 months because her delusions get so bad I think she needs to get away. The main issue I am dealing with, is my anger towards he, and this odd protectiveness I feel towards her. I'm angry at her but I don't want anyone mistreating her..strange? I recently broke down for the first time right before my wedding when I realized that I truly felt as if MY MOM had died when I was 11 (that's as early as i can remember her being sick). II miss my Mom so much, but how do I deal with the one in my home. I hate who I become around her. Thank you for letting me vent.
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replied October 31st, 2011
Looking for schizophrenic paranoid birth mother who would be 78. I was adopted in orange county ny. She was too sick to keep me. I am 1 of 6me children. Any information please email m e
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replied January 7th, 2012
schizophrenic birth mother
I am too adopted and just found out my birth mother had paranoid schizophrenia. R u able to check the birth index in your state? It very well may have her last name and date you were born.. Once you know this- I would register on any adoption sites. Seems they have search angles connected that are willing to help find her birth index and then you can search for her # or address etc..
In my experience, i found some very emotional info. Be open to finding out she may have already passed away.
I just found out mine did and she had no family left to help with funeral arrangements so they turned her over to the government to decided. She was living in Assistant living facility. I just in fact spoke to the person in charge of the home she told me a little about her and she is going to try to gather more info once she gets back in to the office. She was very helpful and told me that she was a very nice woman. I knew she passed away 2 years ago at age 68. Long as you are open to finding out anything even if its upsetting. The whole thing is very unfortunate and sad. In the end we can be thankful for the life they gave us and they cared so much about us to make the right decision to not get us involved because they knew in their hearts they could never give us the life we deserved.
I wish you only the BEST of luck in finding what your heart desires. Get as much medical info you can on her so you can now start filling out those medical forms at the doc office. Hugs! LSmile
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replied March 18th, 2013
Thank you for sharing your experience, Thalia. I also have a sz mother and I know how hard things can get. My mother is a manipulative, violent and detestable human being. I guess she was never a good mother but for the past two or three years things have become unbearable. The worst part, however, is my family's reaction: they prefer to stick their heads in the sand and pretend nothing's happening. My brother doesn't care and my father is an emotional retard that only cares about money.
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