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Mother in Law abuse

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April 15th, 2009
I am in a relationship that involves an abusive mother in law. From the exact day we got married has told me how fat I am (it started when I weighed 120 lbs. I now weigh 270 lbs), that my husband doesn't like me, actually paid for our divorce to get him back to her (he came back and we are married again), tells me I am a bad mother, says I am too religious, tells me how awful my family is, tells me she wants her son back, introduces him to other women right in front of me and the kids and doesn't even acknowledge me or the kids, told me two days before I had our fourth child that I was huge and said,"I forgot you were pregnant", has told me every pregnancy that I am burdening my husband (it does take two to get pregnant), blames me for my husband current job lay off (wouldn't be from the bad economy or anything), takes us out to dinner and takes two bites of her meal and tells me, "I can't believe you ate your entire meal, I am so full", took our son to Disneyland and fed him popcorn and water the entire two days while he was there and told me he needed to lose weight, bath that same son in dog water and told him it wouldn't hurt him, and the list goes on. The entire family hates me and I have literally only been around them about 5 times in the last 13 years of our marriage. One daughter in law actually asked her husband, "It is me or your mother" and he chose his mother. They are divorced now and my husbands brother has full cutody of the two kids. The brother in law in the family said just deal with it if you want to keep your kids. She thinks we are awful because we love to camp and fish and thinks my family is trailer trash because they are from Idaho. She is from California. She was born in Idaho, go figure. I need help! I feel no self worth and my husband says he supports me and has even written letters to the family and we confronted her about this a year ago. She denies everything and the family thinks I wrote the letter because my husband wouldn't treat his mother that way. They happened to just drop by our house in Utah all the way from California and never spoke to me. Just asked my husband if he is well and why he is out of work. Never asked how the kids are doing or I am doing. She did notice that I am pregnant and I told her yes. She asked me if I was done burdening her son and my husband just sat there. I want to leave, but my husband is a good and wonderful person. I love him dearly and I don't want the kids to ever have another dad or mother in their lives. They need their dad. What do I do? Please help!
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deteragram
replied April 15th, 2009
Supporter
I'm sorry to say it but I think the problem is not your mother-in-law but your husband. Unless HE tells her that she will treat you with respect or not see him or her grandkids you will have to tolerate her behavior.
You can't change her. You can only change how you react to her. I would advise you to stay away from her as much as possible and learn to grit your teeth and bear it. She is horrible and the situation is not fair but it's obvious that you would rather be with your husband and tolerate her rather than give him an ultimatum.
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Users who thank deteragram for this post: blueyedkern 
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starship33
replied May 4th, 2009
Supporter
that's not a good reason to leave your husband. but he really does need a back bone. is he a moma's boy? do he tell his family ya'll problems?
my ex was a moma's boy but his mom love me until we started having problems, then she wanted to fly across the world to break us up b/c her baby was hurt. instead of letting him be a man & deal with his own problems which he happened to create for himself.
but my ex got the whole world to hate me b/c instead of working on our problems, we twisted the story around and he cried to the whole world. i inturn was in battle with his mother, bi-polar sister, ex girlfriend, his young immature friends, and all his other family was in our business.
do let nobody talk to you that way. if your husband dont stand up for you, you can be polite and speak up for your self. when you don't say anything.....they will never give you respect. you have nothing to loose if they don't like you.
but understand "forget them" they don't live with you, or even in the same state. i wouldn't even let them in my house if they cant even give me respect. and he had to write his mom a letter "whats up with that"?
P.S after i cussed my ex mother out, she started to give me respect.
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blueyedkern
replied May 14th, 2009
Thank You
My husband about two weeks ago told his family that we were no longer communicating with them if they can't say they are sorry and stop hurting me. His father said they have not reason to say sorry and that no one wants to talk to me anyway. They asked if he was o.k. and he said he couldn't be happier. His mother emailed him and told him he would be held responsible for this behavior, not her. He told her that it was irrepairable and communication was no longer needed. THe entire family is not communicating now. I feel relieved and feel like it may be over. I hope so. Now, how do I start to heal?
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deteragram
replied May 14th, 2009
Supporter
I'm sorry that things got to that point. But if things had to go that way for you to have some peace and security with your husband and kids, so be it. Perhaps his family will come around after they have had time to get over their hurt feelings. I'm glad that he stood up to them.
Now, you should not be focusing on healing but on living! Your husband finally put his foot down and has alienated himself from his family for you, something that I'm sure was really difficult for him. You need to let him know what a hero he is to you, how proud you are of him for standing up to them, show him in a million different ways how much you love and appreciate him. Focus on being happy and free from all that drama and it will soon be a distant memory. Do not dwell on it or be a victim. If you do that, your hubby will wonder what it takes to please you. (You were unhappy before he stood up for you, you're still unhappy and trying to 'heal' now that he has put his foot down...) You do not want to go down that path.
Enjoy your husband and family and put this where it belongs- in the past.
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ArmyVet
replied April 3rd, 2012
In-law abuse
You're not alone. There are many women being treated invisible. I was one of them. I wrote my story.
"She's not my mother-in-law: She's my husband's mother"
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abusedtolong
replied December 27th, 2012
My Motherinlaw Story!!! One of the very first Christmas dinners I went to @ her house she said in the kitchen in front of everybody: " Well, when my 3 daughters married I gained 3 sons, when my son married, I lost a son." She verbally attacks only when the kids are not there, then lies to them telling them she never said that...... After 31 years of abuse, I left. This woman goes to church. She proclaims to be God fearing. She is NEEDY,MANIPULATION, WINEY, HAS HEADACHES EVERYDAY, GETS MONEY FROM ALL HER KIDS EVERY MONTH BECAUSE SHE COMPLAINS constantly that she doesn't have enough money yet she sits on money in her savings, has CD's. She controls all of her kids lives, and when my X and I got back together, she started in on me as soon as she saw me. THIS IS ABOUT JEALOUSY. It is sick, twisted, she has no one in her life, no friends, only family that she can pray on, manipulate, she never gives of herself, she is cold, calculating, and a TAKER!!!! She then also after she gets money from each kid, buys them Christmas presents with there own money!!!! She gets sympathy from extended family because they see her as SWEET, AND POOR ME... How long does this get to go on. Why has no one ever put her in her place. I bite my tounge, I count to 10, I take it and take it, then once in awhile when she catches me off guard, I may something then everyones mad at me.......This is a 12 days of Doctor Phil show I could go on and on. She is even mean to my son, he has done nothing and feels sorry for her cause she is old. She has managed to ruien lives, holidays, unless they are all done around her only. CONTROL...............I have taken the abuse because I care so much for her son. I am a Christian, and have become someone who I don't like when I am around her. I loose my footing if I don't keep my guard up.... I would have her arrested and be the judge and jury if I could,to cause another person so much harm because you are so little,she can't stand it that I don't fall into her manipulative traps. Thank You for letting me write.
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Beg4
replied February 22nd, 2013
Supporting Each Other
I am also having problems with my mother in law and was wondering if anyone would be interested in a support friendship. Being only 19 and in college I am very isolated in the situation and could use a support group.
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