My mother died on December 14 of cancer, she was 64, I am 40. The dying process which took about a week was so horrifying, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. From no pulse in her feet, not taking in food or drink, feet turning blue, bodily fluids seaping, a broken bone. Just everything replays in my head and I feel so horrible she went through that. I wish it would have been quick. She was such a good, loving person, she didn't deserve that. And now, aside from grieving her, accepting she's gone, I have to get over that last horrifying week. I don't even know how to go about it. Maybe a counselor? A website with good advice? A book? Any ideas?
I just lost my mom August 21st of liver disease. I watched her deteriorate before my eyes as you spoke of your mom. We had to make the decision to take her off of life support. My heart goes out to you. I joined a grief support group I found one near me on a website called griefshare.com. I have also been doing one on one counseling. I am on this site all the time if you need someone to chat with. Praying for you!
Are you finding any comfort in the grief share group and counseling? I am wondering if it's an avenue I should consider. Ironically, a grief counselor from the hospice center left me a message wanting to know if anyone needed any service. Not sure if one of my family members left her my name/number or what.
I am sorry for your loss. In dealing with grief, it is important to remember the person's life and not their death. I know this is hard because as you said, she died in a matter that has left you disturbed, but a time will come that this last image of her will become something that will be overshadowed by your memories of her as a healthy woman that gave you life and care. Books and therapist will assist you in your recovery however, time is the true healer of all things. A time will come that when you think of your mother, you will not find yourself consumed by the nightmare that was her death, but the amazing memory of her life. This will take time but don't despair.
I just lost my mother February 1st. I too watched her suffer, and this is my lasting memory of her while she was conscious. My mother had cancer but her death took us by surprise. She didn't know it was coming. I am full of guilt, and need to know she forgives me. I need to know she is at peace.
I fully understand your pain.............