My brother just went to college and now it's just me and my mother. 'Pop bailed out long before i could remember anything, he's a lost cause at this point, and I accept that. . . but, my mother is all I've got now, and . . . I'm just. . . not happy.
I'm not saying I'm not happy I have /someone/ there for me, but, yesterday and today she told me I'm a failure of a daughter, she screwed up with me somewhere along the way, she's disappointed in me, she hates me, ect. But the last thing she said before she kicked me out of the car and into our apartment just today was "Life could have been good for us, just you and me, . . . but now, . . . that just isn't gonna happen.". And I don't know /how/ i could be happy with that.
It's not like it was much of a surprise to hear that coming from her mouth, though, she's already said things like that several times throughout the process of this past year.
Plus, I kind of expect her to say things like that because she's been very. . . insensitive since she had her nervous-breakdown two years ago and lost her job. She could start off by being upset with my spilling a drink and then she'll go into something like that. And who could forget the fact that I'm not much like girls at my school; I like drawing and I'm interested in artists and animators on a website called 'Deviantart'. I tend to focus on my drawing throughout the day rather than some other things, so she calls me "weird" and asks me "why can't you just be normal?".
She tells me I have no idea how much she does for me and life is so easy for me because of her, I digress, but i let her say what she wants without an interruption as i sink back into my seat and take it. To be honest, I'm extremely depressed about several other things, but I smile and try to act like my normal self to try and keep her happy, as well.
I get extremely worried about my friends if they ever have an issue, and push my own problems to the side. Not to mention how hard I take it when a close friend gets upset with me.
My friends usually go to me for advise, and no, I don't mind it at all, it's an honor that they're trusting me with such secretive things, but . . . when everyone's issues pile up along with my own, I'm on the verge of snapping.
I don't know, I try not to get into it, really, but my mother has been so cold to me, recently, keeping herself distant while she goes out drinking and 'runs errands'.
I don't know what to do at this point, school starts soon and I won't be able to focus with all of this, I'm sure. I just want some sanity.
Include yourself as one of the many whom you nurture. I found myself asking "Where are you, in all of this?". It's one thing to be a great listener and another to neglect your needs during another person's rants. Saying "Enough!" and leaving the room is better than sitting quietly in your seat whilst someone verbally tears you apart. Nervous breakdown or not if what she is saying to you is wrong or damaging to your self esteem then be assertive for your own sake or she will continue to do that to you knowingly or not. In your case the passive approach is not yielding beneficial results.