I'm not really sure where to start, but over the last few days I've started reading about bipolar disorder. I really feel that I have it...I just believe it. you know, when something feels right!?
So anyway, I've suffered with depression since I was 12 and had a major anxiety attack at 17, towards the birth of my son. I am now 19 and 'over' the anxiety. Lately I have noticed my moods varying quickly between feeling utterly hopeless, where I think about harming myself or suicide and feeling rather optimistic for the future. I have also been aware of feeling both of these feelings at the same time and I've also felt very dettached from any previous feeling I have had - numb. I have times when I will begin sobbing and I will suddenly stop, like those feelings don't exists at all.
I have days where I am very hyperactive, where I laugh and joke and act very confident and other days I will want to be left alone and do nothing and feel awful about myself.
I don't know if these are normal behaviours or if they could be due to bipolar disorder. All I know is, when I am going through these moods and the thoughts are rushing around, I don;t feel I have control over myself and I don;t feel like I am me.
I don't have any bipolar disorder diagnosis in my family but My mother suffers from depression and anxiety, as does my dad.
I know I have said quite a bit already, but I don't feel I've managed to explain it very well. Anyway...any thoughts would be appreciated.