This is my second major relationship I've been in. The first one before was ages 16-19 then off an on for awhile. I mourned that relationship loss incredibly. I was single for years after that and used alcohol to cope. It worked but I remained single and girls seemed to sense my desperation.. Then out of sheer luck, I met a girl at a party who was mistreated by her boyfriend I sort of swooped her up. I was 23 at the time and she was 19. Well this began a really hard relationship to understand. It was a very tumultuous one. We argued daily and we cheated on each other a few times but we still came to a point of loving each other dearly. It was almost like we we're best friends.

After time though, this arguing and her childish behavior started to get at me, even though it was clear in my heart I loved her. But I wondered what else was out there. Maybe I could find someone more compatible.. So I tried.
What happened was she seen my conversations I've had with another girl and she decided it was enough and she left me. Over the christmas holidays we seen each other and hung out like everything was fine, but when I returned to where I work (she lives back home which is 6 hours away and I live in a city where I work) she told me there was no hope between us.

She said the cheating was too much and she could never forgive me. She also told me that she fell out of love with me months ago and said she was blindly trying to save this doomed relationship. I think I made such a HUGE mistake by denying my love for her and I live with so much regret since she left me the pain is unbearable.

I feel like I lost a soulmate, my best friend, my other half. And now she is having sex with other men and continues to remain strong on the fact that she will never EVER come back to me again. She also tells me that I am heartless and don't deserve another chance at love, and this is incredibly painful to hear her say.