Everyone says, see a lawyer, you are being taken advantage of, and they probably are right, but I go back and forth between that opinion and a very strong emotion of wanting to give her everything and take care of her.
My question is to myself, why do I have such strong feelings to care for her? What experience in my early life impacted me so much that despite plenty of evidence that I am being 'screwed over', I still consider letting her go ahead, offering myself to her for abuse, hoping she will repent and show love to me out of her heart?
Just sayin' I am now starting to be aware of this back and forth in myself and I am striving to do the right thing.
For perspective- short story--
October 2010 we got married.
December 2010 I cashed out my retirement and purchased a 235,000 home for us
July 2011 I looked on Craig's list at some "massage" places in a town I was going on a business trip to. (I did not go to them, just looked, why? I'm not sure)
August 2011, she sees the searches and says we need to separate.
Unknown to me she has a separation agreement drawn up giving her 11,000 off the top of the sale of the house and half the balance, plus leaving me with the tax bill due on the retirement money ($35,000), plus a few other unfair things, plus $1000 a month until July 2013, plus keep my life insurance ($100,000) in force forever with her as beneficiary, plus maintain her on my health insurance at work, plus I bought her a $20,000 Lexus SUV (used) and when we separated she 'loaned' me $6000 for a car and had me sign a promissory note paying her an additional $ 750 a month. She is living in the house, I am living in a rented room. She is the realor listing the home for sale and will also get a 3% commission on the house when it sells.
Given all that, why do I occasionally get such strong feelings to help her, take care of her, etc. I know that is sick but I do have those type of feelings (not right now) but I want to understand what makes me tick.
My first marriage I let my wife purchase anything she wanted and ran up big debts, suffered her abusive comments...it seems like a pattern.
By the way, wife #1 committed suicide May 2009.
Before you tell me to see a therapist, I am. He alerted me to watch, be aware of my feelings and try and determine what reason in my past might be contributing to my irrational feelings. Me writing this is part of that process, I am "on the trail" and hopefully going to be able to learn an important lesson about myself.
Sometimes tuition for the school of life is very high. I value this experience and am intent of self discovery through it.
PS- I will go at least talk to a lawyer and see if there is anything I can do to change the situation. I am now in SC, the home is in NC and that's where the separation agreement was drawn up. From searching online it looks like a done deal.
Hi B. and welcome to ehealth: I just read your post...I guess my best advice would be to stay single...or should I say, stay happy....Yes, tuition for the school of life is very high...We have no instructions nor "overs"....Life can be hard...
Personally, I think your Therapist gave you good advice on writing your thoughts...For some reason that relieves the stress and makes the next day easier...Good luck.... I send you my best wishes...Take care...