Please keep note that this situation has happened multiple times. And it just happened 40 minutes ago, i just decided i needed advice on this. please read and help.
I was just going to the kitchen since my mom called me down and she told me to eat something small. I told her i was feeling nauseous and i was not going to eat. Then she said, "you see! your just like your father. even your stomach, just because you ate something before you get nauseous. weak just like your father." She knows i get upset when she says that because this is not the first time she is telling me this. Please keep note that i can not stand my father because he is always verbally abusing my mother and always picking up a fight. They always fight and i can see that my mom hates how he is. They can not go 1 week without fighting or arguing. I also hate him because whenever i am home alone with just me, him and my toddler sister, he does not let me even feed her but all he does is lay in the room on the bed with a tv show and makes my sister watch it while he relaxes for hours. I also hate him because even if i am on the phone with a friend arguing about a situation or crying with a bestfriend on the phone to let my feelings out, he likes to bang as hard as he can on my locked door and scream and he threatens me to open the door and yells at me for crying and constantly is flinching towards me screaming while my baby sister is crying because she is scared. ( first off, its a girls business why she is upset and needs to talk to her own bff) i also hate him because he cheated on my mom. Ever since then they have been fighting and yelling through the nights. i am the middle child. i am the only one by the door in my bedroom listening untill they stop, i dont care if they argued for 5 hours i am the only child that looks over my mom. i dont want him to touch her or hit her or get all up in her face like he did before. my mom does not understand how he treats me when i am at home. nobody in this house understands because my older sister is never home (work school etc) and my mom works all day. my little sister cant even talk so she cant understand me. my dad doesnt care. I really can not stand him. i am nice to him still. i still respect. i dont love him to be honest. this may sound harsh but it is true. he does not even work. he drinks alcohol at night. he complains 24/7 and he has an anger issue. hes physical. he doesnt care about anyone and i can tell. i am the one that is always home. i see EVERYTHING.
Now, when i tell my mom about what he does to me that day ( phone with bff incident) she puts it allll back on me. saying its my fault i am reacting like this. its my fault i cant take this. im weak.im weak. im not strong. im still being a baby. uhmm... does she not know how he almost ripped through my door just because i was on the phone with a best friend upset over a situation that is my own business and my own problem? my friend was still on the phone when this happened, she was confused and she even said why he did that all of the sudden. I tell her that my dad is crazy and psycho, not to me mean but to be serious.. and she agrees.
I hope you understand by now how i do not like him and i how i do not like being compared to him. I am NOTHING like him. My mom yet keeps saying i am. She says im just like him when i dont feel like eating? She says im just like him because i started crying after she constantly kept saying "yeah you are, you are like him! why are you crying now? cuz your weak like him" . i dont understand. i even ran down to my sisters room to tell her because i honestly could not take my mom looking at me like she looks at my dad and yelling and screaming at me like she does to my dad. i defended her all these years with her battles and arguments with my dad. i protected her when he layed a hand on her. i went in front of her. i love her. yet she still likes to tell me im just like him. why. when i went to my sisters room ,she did not even help. she told me to shuttup and then her and my mom were yelling at me because i was sobbing and shaking. saying i cant take things and bring it out the other side. saying how i take things seriously and cant take a bad thing said about me. i CAN take things, i ALWAYS hear bad stuff about me in school and i ALWAYS ignore them and keep my head up. i was bullied so much in elementary school yet i really did not care. i am not this sensitive outside my home. just when my mom compares me with my dad. just when my mom says im like him. that means im crazy like him? just for crying after she said that? ofcourse i will cry, i can not help it. she knows i DESPISE my father. she knows. why is she always saying im like him when i feel sick, when i feel upset about something, when me and my sister are in come normal "everyday sibling" arguements. Her and my sister never ever stop nagging and yelling at me for being weak/stupid/crazy/etc. what did i do!?!?!?!
i really cant stand this anymore. this is not the 1st time this all happened.
i dont know what to ask you people. i just need advice on what to do.
i really dont know what to do anymore. this whole house hates me. but what did i do?
i wish i could have wrote more things on this because i left out a lot, but that would take up this whole website.