I think I might have borderline personality disorder. I feel really terrible sometimes, and I idolize my best friend. I rely so much on her, it‘s like she is just always supposed to be there, but our life‘s are so different. So when she‘s really busy I feel so worthless, lonely and angry at her. At other times I am so happy because of what seems like to be no reason what-so-ever. In other words, I have pretty bad mood swings.
I get these "anger episodes", kinda. I get really angry very fast. Sometimes it's just about a movie or something.
I've thought about committing suicide, but there's always someone who talks me out of it.
I cry a lot, because I feel so alone and empty.
Nothing's ever good enough for me.

I know what BPD is about, and a lot of the symptoms match how I am. This, what I‘m writing here is not all of it. And yea, I've thought about whether I could have it for a very long time.
And if it's not BPD I'm pretty sure that there is something else wrong.

I‘m afraid to talk to anyone. I can‘t ask my mom or someone related to me, because our family is not that close. I feel like I would be going behind someone‘s back instead of just facing the problem by calling a helpline, i don't really trust phones either (so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it). The only thing I‘m comfortable with is talking online to my friends, because it‘s like I‘m „hiding“ behind the computer or something. But we‘re all so young and we just don‘t really know what I can do. I don‘t know what I can do.

I want help, that‘s not it. I‘m just afraid to ask for it. I don‘t know what to do.