I don't know if this is the right place to post this so I am really sorry if it's not.

Since I was 11 I have had depression. Up to the age14 I had taken 3 or 4 overdoses, self harmed on a daily basis had regular panic attacks and I even had a couple of hallucinations.

I then met my boyfriend and he helped me with everything. I still had some problems, self harmed every now and again and left school at the age of 15 because of confidence issues, but other than that everything was fine.

Because of my confidence issues I couldn't find strength to go to college or get a job so I obviously hadn't gotten better the way I thought I had. When I realised this, I talked about it with my counsellor and he helped me with talking to people and I started applying for jobs, I have been going on courses and feeling much better...almost normal, which I hadn't felt since I was 10 years old.

But a couple of years back I had the birth control implant put in and it stopped my periods, but about 4 or 5 months ago I got a period and it didn't go away for 6 weeks and it was really painful so I went to the doctors and she prescribed me with Microgynon to get rid of my period. This is where it all started. I started feeling terrible again. I couldn't sleep, I cried at absolutley everything, I stopped looking after myself [which is not like me because I am a skin freak and haven't even done anything to my skin at all] I wouldn't move off the sofa, I had no energy at all and I had taken another overdose but I had no idea why.

It then hit me, it was the tablets. So I researched and sure enough it was. I stopped taking them immediatley, but as time wore on I wasn't feeling any better.

Here I am a month later feeling the same I have dropped my courses, have taken 2 more overdoses and self harming again.

It makes me really angry because of the people that are losing their lives everyday that would do anything to stay here and here I am not even wanting mine. I understand life is precious but for some reason, all I want is to die.

It is even more frustrating that I was getting so much better and these stupid tablets have taken all that away and put me back where I was to start with.

I don't know what to do because I am home alone with excruciating chest pains because I just wanna kill myself and I am scared that I will do it because my mam would be devastated and I couldn't bare to leave her but I'm so worried these feelings will get the better of me.

Please can someone help me.

Oh, and for some reason that I don't know about my counsellor has discharged me.