Yes, this is a big problem. You wouldn't be writing if you thought your behavior and thoughts were normal. You want help. That's great. And there is help out there.

Go to your parents, another relative, a family friend, a teacher, anyone who you trust and talk to them. Tell them that you know you need and want help. There are people in your life who care about you, whether you know it or not. Please, talk to someone and get the help you need. This can all get better.

There is a world of difference between, 1) feeling like committing suicide, 2) making efforts to commit suicide, and 3) actually doing it. The 3rd one is the most serious one, where you lose your life and it's as good as a mathematical certainty in terms of whether a loss will occur or not (by the way I keep on shifting to mathematics, I like it ). The 2nd one is also highly risky because you are on the verge of losing your life. Whether or not the 1st one should be considered really bad depends on the circumstances. I don't know why but I have strong feeling most of us have at some point in time have felt like committing suicide. However, feeling like doing it and actually ending up doing it are 2 different things. I do at times feel like going for it but I HIGHLY DOUBT if I will actually ever do it. If more often than not you feel like committing suicide (for every small reason) and you make efforts as well to do it then, yes, it IS a matter of concern. You MUST go to a doctor or tell your parents or at least inform it to someone whom you can trust and is ready to help you.

As a general advice, I would like to tell you, you are very young girl and going through certain physiological and biological changes and entering a new world (I think I told you this before as well but it's worth telling once more). This is a very sensitive part of your life I would say. Your emotions will run high, you will get too happy to see something and at the same time you can get too angry for something that you should not. I will say 2/3 years later these extreme emotions of yours will calm down and you will not feel as bad as you are feeling now. Life is a struggle and we all are stragglers but that does NOT mean life can't be enjoyed. It depends on how you judge situations that you face . If you are optimistic you will find a certain situation to be favorable but if you are not so optimistic, the same situation may irritate you and put you in a lot of discomfort. Try judging things from a positive perspective. You have to take what life gives you having made sure you have given the maximum effort. It's not about whether you win or lose the match, it's more about how much effort you have put in to win it. It's the effort that you put in that matters more than the outcome does. This is not any "philosophical" idea. Had I been "philosophical", I would have probably said, "don't do anything, just depend on destiny". No, I am asking you to do the opposite. You make your own destiny by giving your best when you are trying to achieve something and from there on accept whatever you get. You tried your best and that's it irrespective of the outcome. Am I making sense?

By the way can you please tell me what actually you have done to commit suicide?

Finally, you MUST tell someone about this, someone who can actually help you.

Come on young lady!, life is PRECIOUS, DON'T waste it. The world NEEDS you and you ARE as IMPORTANT as anybody else if not more! You are a beautiful creation of God!

God is your Protector!

Concernedn:
The first time I took an overdose, second time I tried bleed to death, third time I tried to get hit by a car, and the forth time I tried an overdose and I filled the tub up w/ water... I REALLY WANTED TO DIE.

OMG I just saw this..Honey you are almost 15--PLEASE talk with your parents..You are right this is not normal..DO they know that you have tried to injure yourself?..

These are the things I was saying you need to tell your councelor..You aren't fogetting you are realizing your need..You know you need help..I pray for coverage over you..

I want you to look at your self in the mirror and tell that girl looking back at you that you are beautiful and that you are loved..Tell yorself Tarmisu that there are people who care and that they live right in your own home and that is where it starts..

please let me know how it goes with your councelor and your talk with your family..kd

I'm really sorry if I'm hurting you in anyway. I'm really not trying to! I'm just trying to hurt myself, because that seems like the most logical and least-selfish thing to do... uh, but it's got me in some situations!

I can't talk with my mom. She doesn't understand.
My mom knows I was cutting... I don't think she knows I still do. If she did, she'd be talking to me about it.

I agree, I do need to talk with my counselor. He's a Christian, and that's great... the only thing is is that he is always SHOVING THE BIBLE DOWN MY THROAT! It is annoying! I just need someone to listen to me, someone to care... it's awful.

Thank you. I appreciate your prayers! Every one of them.
I'm trying to accept myself as everyone else sees me... the people who don't know about this inner turmoil. I need to try and love myself... and not hurt myself. That is my life goal: to be able to love myself.
I am my own worst enemy.

I will let you know everything... as of right now, my couselor/youth pastor is on vacation, and I am really nervous about asking to meet him... I am so guilty and sad and embarrassed. I don't know what to do!
I feel like crying my heart out.

Alright, I did NOT mean you are not serious about going for it. I was rather trying to calm you down. What I said there was medically relevant as well. Any time you feel my posts are not helping you, let me know and I will refrain from replying. You don't have to flatter me or keep me happy just because I am trying to help you nor do I intend to flatter you or interfere in your personal life.

All the four descriptions that you illustrated are HIGHLY RISKY and you MUST let someone know it. If you don't inform anyone, that's not going to help.

By the way, I keep on mentioning the name of God because I have Him in my life but I don't like forcing Him in anyone else's life. Any time you feel I am forcing the Bible or for that matter any other religious book on you, let me know and I will refrain from replying and wasting your time, as I said before.

HOney, I am taking one post at at time..Again I think if you are honest with your mom you will be surprized..When people have not gone through the same trials it is hard for them to understand sometimes..But, like everything else in life a person learns by listening..This is what oyu need to do with your mom..If it takes you crying evry drop of tears in you please do it..

Tell your youth councelor the same thing..Let this person know you need an ear..Let this person know that you do believe in God and that you really want them to listen and not preach at you..Ask them to start and end with prayer coverage so that you can get everything out..When you are drained then give your hugs and go home to a nice warm bubble bath..Be good to yourself..please..kd

Concernedn: It's alright. I don't think you're forcing anything on me... I am a Christian, and I believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit... I accepted Him into my life as my Lord and Savior when I was 6... I believe I told you that before.
Anyhow, you're fine & believe me, I'll let you know if you're over-stepping your bounds.

I don't tell people about teh suicide attempts because I think they'll assume I'm trying to get attention. I'M NOT! I don't cut for attention. I think that's stupid, and I don't tell people for attention either.

KD: I'll try. I'm thinking of you, and I'll really, really try to get this out. I need to. I HAVE to. It's essential for my safety... mentally and physically.
Thank the Lord that tomorrow is Sunday, and I'll see him. I need to talk.
It's just kinda embarrassing to talk, you know? I'll just have to get over that.

He does start each session w/ prayer coverage. That's great, and I appreciate it. I just don't know what else to do... Uh! I'm so scared!

I NEVER felt you were trying to get attention.

Concernedn:
Thanks. It's really cool when people don/t jump to conclusions...

Exactly...........People have a very nice (!) habit of jumping into conclusions.

The moment someone find something bad in you (or in me), they will come to the conclusion ooh! this girl (boy) is really bad!

Wow! That's great! Just because the person found one bad thing in you (me), you (I) become bad! What about the millions of other good qualities that you (I) may be having. Other good qualities, well, they don't count!! One bad quality and you (I) go to hell!!!

Oops!............before I forget, this was pure SARCASM! Do you like it young lady?...........

I am a very sarcastic person in "real life"... but I'm not really sarcastic while online. And, if I am, I'm sure to write something like (SARCASM ALERT) just so they know!!
But, I still agreed with everything you wrote...
Too bad it's true!

I appreciate you letting me know you don't like being sarcastic online. That's great! If you don't like something, you should tell me instead of agreeing to keep me happy. As I said before, no empty flattery. And yes this isn't sarcasm.



"Write something like (SARCASM ALERT)"? OOh! I am a "bloody rude" person, even I should write that!

Concernedn: you're totally fine. just as long as you let me know you're being sarcastic!! You know, cuz I can't tell while it's just on a screen.
Yeah, you should. It's helpful.