Dear Doctors,

Thank you for listening, even though perhaps your tired of questions from woman on this subject.

I turned 47 today, and last month, (May 2009) was the first month I skipped a period since I was 35. (Prior to that age, from age 12-35, I could go a year or so without periods, but it did not inhibit my ability to get pregnant and have three children from '83-'87) Although I was irregular throughout my younger days, I never worried about it and actually was glad not to deal with periods. However, when my GYN put me on birth control pills (progesterone only)at age 35 to regulate my period, I developed high blood pressure. I stopped the pills but my periods remained regular from age 35-one month ago, age 46) I still have the high blood pressure controlled by Diovan.

My question is this. Do you suggest I see someone for my mental status on my feelings about menopause? Lately all I think about is how I am suddenly an old woman and now wonder if the lack of periods will cause me to be less than a woman. I almost feel like its the beginning of death because with death, organs begin to shut down. With the shut down of my ovary's beginning, I dread the idea that I am no longer a "viable" woman. I am more of an empty shell and with the loss of my ovary's, next will be other body parts, eventually leading to my death.

I seem to be obsessing over it, and even worry that every symptom of a cold or whatever is now the beginning stages of some hormonal disease, like ovarian cancer, breast cancer, etc...even though my exam in January and the tests he ran reveal nothing wrong. I am pretty healthy for my age and have been told I "look" younger than my age, but I am so worried that I will age quickly now that I am seeing a stop in my periods. I was suppose to get it again today, and so far, no period.

Is it normal for woman to feel like me? I never thought I would feel this way, ever. Its not abnormal for me to be lacking a period since I started my womanhood like that...yet, now I feel like since I know its permanent, I am dying. I look at my body and I am seeing an OLD woman, from my hands to my face to all over.

I don't feel depressed, but I do feel obsessed with menopause and its symptoms. I feel like that's all I think about, which is why I need to know if I need to see someone. Neither parent of mine is still alive, as mom died in '96 from diabetes at age 60,and dad just two years ago at age 76 from emphysema. I watched both die and take their last breath.

Anyway, I am sorry I am asking...perhaps I just need to focus on something positive about menopause, but I cant seem to find anything that is positive about it. I hear the lack of hormones causes brittle bones, cancer, memory loss, etc...so, what IS positive about it?

Thanks
Kelly in San Diego