I'm sure this has happened to almost everyone, my story is I had a boyfriend that I ended up living with for a couple of months.

He was horrible, sure life wasn't going so great but he wasn't helping himself and he became quite self destructive.

Eventually he was taking it out on me, verbally and mentally abusing me for a few months before I had enough and left. He was accusing me of cheating with my guy mates, that I didn't love him anymore, he would tell me that I was this horrible person that was ruining his life and so on.

He has later told me the reason he picked all those fights was to "see if I still loved him". He would wind me up and accuse me of all these things to get a reaction out of me.

Being screamed at my face that I'm a "horrible b****" didn't exactly make me wanna say "but I love you!".

I don't quite get it but apparently that was why :S

i know what you mean, i have been in a relationship that you just described.

he treated me very bad and i stayed, then the inevitable happened and he hit me but he just cried and begged me back. he had major anger issues and as far as i know he still does.

i think men like this do need some serious help but will never accept it.

he did try and sort his life out but nothing worked. i think it is just a part of who he is. although he said he was never like that till he met me which didn't boost my confidence in the slightest.

Asking a question like this is like asking "Why is a guy's money the only thing women care about?"

There sometimes is a small amount of truth behind each stereotype. I am a guy and have never done anything like this in any relationship, and neither has any of my peers. I'm sure it happens, but I'm also sure there are plenty of women that only care about money in a relationship.

yes that is true, a lot of my friends do go out with guys with the cars and money and nice flats but it never lasts

Men cry and apologize when they make mistakes because they are either capable of guilt or compassion. They don't like hurting others and feel a strong need to correct their mistakes. It is exactly the same reason women cry and apologize when they're left for beating their boyfriends or cheating on them or generally being disrespectful. They both do it because they're human beings.

The question you should be asking is, if so many other women are not being abused, mistreated, cheated on or disrespected, what are you doing differently that you seem to keep ending up with men crying and begging for one more chance?

i really appreciate everyone's response whether critical or supportive. i am in a two year healthy and loving relationship with a great guy.

prior to him i've been in a horrible relationship that was filled with verbal, mental, emotional, and slight physical abuse. i still suffer in some kind of way from that relationship in ways you cant imagine. i m still dealing with the aftermath of things, and that's why i feel so bitter inside. ive never allowed any other man to treat me badly, but i guess i was stuck on stupid with him.

again thank you for your opinions.

I think it's called CODEPENDENCY.

Anyone wondering about this is better off to think about what you are looking for, really, when you choose a partner. Why do women take these men back time and time again? If you have a healthy self esteem and know you can live on your own and provide for yourself and that your existence doesn't hinge on the love of this particular person, you are less likely to put up with a ton of abuse or mistreatment. If you are healthy and happy to begin with, you are more likely to find a healthy and happy partner before getting into the relationship. Healthy means knowing what a mature relationship looks like and not relying on someone else to provide for you, make you feel good about yourself, or tell you how to feel. That boyfriend who needed to start a fight in order to feel loved would have been better off just asking straight out. For whatever reasons, so many of us have major issues with communication and dance around the subject rather than coming straight out with it and making ourselves vulnerable. You might feel awful if that person says "no, I don't love you," but at least you know and it's probably not going to kill you in the long run.

This isn't trying to blame the victim or anything. It's just that you can only work on yourself. That's the mistake all codependents make over and over. I can fix him. If I love him enough, I will make him change. We can only work on ourselves and our feelings are our own responsibility, at the end of the day.


I have these problems: I get into a really bad mood and feel really down on myself if my partner is in a bad mood. I immediately assume it's my fault he feels that way and that he is secretly resenting me. It's not so but I often feel that way. I'm working on that one, but it's easier said than done.