hi,
i'm really confused. As a young child i was sexually abused, i thought i had 'dealt with it' as much as one can, until recently, as what happend re-surfaced and i found everything to be a constant, painful reminder. Throughout my childhood, i have never seemed to go on with or have a good relationship with my farther. Over the years our family have had painful traumas to come to terms with. Through these times my father was often absent, which we recently discoverd he was having affairs. I don't feel hatered towards him, yet i don't feel as though i have a father.
My biggest concern at the moment is these constant 'memories' i seem to be having. It is the same image of my father abusing me that i can't stop thinking about. Sometimes whilst experiencing the memory it can feel so real and that it did happen. Othertimes i fell as though it is my imagination and that it didn't happen. I feel as though it may be as previous traumas have re-surfaced i'm imagining they have happen with my father as i never seemed to get along with him?
When around him i have a feeling of almost disgust, i have experienced this since i can remember, but previously assumed it was due to his affairs.
I wanted to know if a bad experience can re-surface like this causing a mind to make things up in this way? Or whether as a child i suppressed this memory of my father which has now come back to me. Am i imagining things in the way a person with schizophrenia has delusions or hallucinations?