I was on medication 12 years ago. It started with valium which I thought would help my mild anxiety - it made me ill - toes and fingers curling, and pain throughout my body, pins and needles. So I was told this was a panic attack; however, I had never experienced anything like this in my life prior to taking valium. What followed was more medication: fluoxetine, alprazolam, diazepam, thiothixine, risperidone, stelazene, olanzapine, benztropine, none of which helped me. I had a suspicion that the meds were making me ill, but my therapist had told me that all medications were "safe" - how naieve was I! Anyhow, I read that valium can have a paradoxical effect on the body - causing anxiety - which is what I believe happened to me. I never wanted to take any "drugs". Do I have anything to fear now? I experienced a range of "side effects": stiffness, lactation, anxiety, depression, confusion, slurring words, dizziness, nausea and vomiting, hypersensitivity, headaches, jaw pain. . I was in a cloud of confusion and now it has cleared all except for the stiffness, jaw pain, swollen gums and headaches - and mild anxiety and depression! Sometimes I feel as though I have been permanently affected - like I don't have the brain function I once had - or the mental stamina. . So - was my therapist correct in saying that the effects of medication are all "permanent"? Am I going to be in a stupor for the rest of my life? Is the pain related to the drugs? SOmetimes I want to go back on them to relieve everything but I know it's not wise - what should I do?

PS. I have been told by several medical professional that I am not schizophrenic nor am I psychotic. I was on the meds for I think a couple of months, several times a day. My parents agree the meds made me ill. The team of people giving me meds at the time couldn't work out why the meds weren't "working" - one thought I didn't need them, the rest just rocked up to my door, told me to take the meds and din't listen when I protested - I was torn between listening to my inner voice and stopping them and listening to the therapist who had told me they were safe. I was afraid if I stopped them I would really get "worse" - I don't know whether this was addiction related or just a fear of illness thing. .