I know many people feel the same when problems come and rub they're faces on the sandpaper of life. Like many I feel worn down to the core, to the point that I wish a miracle can happen, hoping for a total stranger to comfort me because those around me don't understand.
I'm 19 I am blessed because I don't have physical incapabilities. But I do have a cripelled heart and its killing me. I used to be happy once upon a time, but I feel my time is coming to an end. I try to cry but tears don't fall anymore I try to smile but the mask just melts away with my the pain. Of a passion that died. She died in me and she is eating me away. Bit by bit.
I don't find anything interesting, nothing amuses me, I'm trying to fill myself up with empty cups of materialism. I feel unfulfilled and suicide becomes my friend but I think about. those around me especially my lil bro. And the thought of him and me gone kills me I love him but I feel alone. I've bein alone for a year I used to have friends but now noe. I use to have an amazing girl, beutiful in so many ways. So beutiful that I find myself lost in a distorted reality where the pain is so great that I just wish I could stay asleep and never wake up. It makes it hard for me to start over and find love again. I'm not an axx'ole I've never bein unfaithful or threated any of my exs wrong I've actually given them the best of me. But I got nothing in return they've killed that boy that lived in me.
I hate myparents but not because they threat me unfairly but for divorcing eachother and then forcing me and my brother to accept people we don't know like nothing happened.
Nowthis point I want to die. I just want it to end I hear voices sometimes, I try to write and express myself but I feel more alone when the curtain is lifted. And I realize the wide open space that vacuums the life out my heart. I want to better myself but work does not help me, I feel extremes periods of happiness and then a month days or weeks later I feel the oposite. I never knew how feelings could change in a couple ticks of the clock.
Furtheremore I was born into poberty I don't blame no one but just the system the system of the human society where the rich become richer and the poor become poorer. The world is so unfair, the fuel of the world the blood that needs to run through my veins is money and that becomes hard when you sale your life for 4.25/ h + tips not a server but their assistant so between tips and wage = more for me to drown in. Peope hate me there and its partof the accumulation of emotions I've got bottled up.
I just wish someone could understand this broken soul, that looks for the light in dark places.