I'm a 51 year old man in a 27 year marriage to a 48 year old woman. You can see by our ages that we married young. Together, we established a happy thriving home environment, and guided our three children (22,21,18 ) to accomplishment-laden, promising young-adulthoods. We are both proud of the life we have established.
The problem is, during the raising of the children, we both encountered "other people". Her bad choice took the form of spending the night in bed with our friend and Godfather of our daughter and making advances to him in the morning that eventually ended in a stalemate. This took place about a year after a guy from her teenage years fell in love with her and she was "confused" but eventually cut off the relationship because I gave her an ultimatum...him or me.
About a year after that happened, I began falling for a woman from work (currently 41, on her second marriage, 2 kids 7 and 5) and we had a fun, flirty, friendship for about 3 years. When I accepted an offer from another company, it was clear that she had feelings for me, as I had for her, but neither of us fully declared our love for each other. At that time, she was recently divorced (which I helped support her through). Not seeing each other was going to be hard for both of us, so the good bye was difficult.
Fast forward to today. She and I have remained in ongoing but infrequent contact through business for the last 17 years and recently met for dinner where it became apparent that we had renewed chemistry. Her energy was daring and seductive (i.e., she gave me her hotel room key, we hung out there and did a little partying and even just watched a tv show together). My energy was joyful and exuberant. I gushed on her about how much I delight in her presence. I spent most of my energy holding back declaring my undying love for her. The encounter reignited all of my past feelings for her, and I even had thoughts of making a commitment to divorce my wife and plan to move to be near her. She talked about the importance of compatibility and how she doesn't feel compatible with her husband, and posed the question "who says you have to stay married to the person you raised the children with? Why couldn't it be that the person that's right for you is someone you meet in your 20s who is married to someone else at the time?"
So, I need your advice. Because of the previous betrayals from my wife (and two others that I did not detail here), I have a lot of unexpressed anger. I also have anger that she is not interested in me sexually (3 times in 2 years) and that I make 95% of our take home income while I support her artistic pursuits that generate no income.
My current plan is to:
1. find out if "the other woman" is considering marrying me and would be open to "taking it to the next level" with me;