I have been with my husband for 7 years, and have been married for 4 years. Like in any marriage, we have had our ups and downs. I considered him my best friend through this whole time, but the dynamics of our relationship have changed. We are both career driven, have no children, and are still relatively young. I was 18 when we met. I feel that with time we have grown apart.
He is required to put endless hours into his work, sometimes up to 75 hours a week. I am lucky to be able to earn an income working 40 hours. We hardly ever see each other anymore, and he consistently "forgets" to call or make the effort to spend any time with me. He blames his lack of time on his job, which is understandable. I have begged him to look for other avenues, and/or to step down and go back to graduate school. He said he would think about it, and that was over a year ago. Truth of the matter is he acknowledges that his job makes him happy.
I resent him from excluding me from his life. I miss the old him. I make considerably more money than he does, and that is a source of friction - from both sides. I came into the marriage with no debt, he had sizable student loans. Finances are another sore spot we have tried to work through, so far unsuccesfully.
My biggest problem now is that he lies to me. It takes away the trust. We, and by that I mean mostly him, decided to sleep in separate rooms. We have not had sex in almost 2 years.
I work nights and ended up home early on a friday, to find him gone. When I left he said he was headed for bed, around 10pm. I arrived home at midnight, and he did not arrive home until 3am. He told me he had gone to the gym (yeah, for at least 3 hours). He is not athletic and does not regularly exercise. I was so angry I called the gym to confirm if he was there (they scan cards), and his name was not in their file. He also had hidden street clothes in his car, which he causally brought in the next morning.
I consider myself to be an objective person, and I know something is wrong. There is a lot more to this story. I have begged him to go to a therapist with me, he told me it was a waste of money.
My biggest problem is separating how I feel about him, the nostalgia of the past, and the fact that I would be losing my best friend and my husband. Any advice?