Dear Carolinagirl and welcome to ehealth:

It really makes sense that you don't want sex with your spouse when you are playing "let's pretend" online...You have a family that you love and who loves you....You alone have the capabilities of turning their life upside down...You are playing with fire with this man and you know it...He is driving you crazy with sexual want to the point where you could explode with the lust that is building up inside you....

Find this same sex drive with your husband...Go back to your dating scene...Imagine him doing all the hot sexual things that he used to do to you...Invite him to give you a sexual massage.....Buy some sex toys....Sexy clothes or sleep naked....

Now my best advice to you....Swallow that inner pain and longing that you feel...If you have to sit down and calm yourself, do it....I know of the inner hungers of a woman and where you are....Stay away from the enemy....Life can be too hot to handle once you open the gates of passion....You really don't want to go there....

I wish you well,
Caroline

i love my kids and my husband , never want to hurt them , i am a mother first and formost , my marriage had been on the rocks for like a yr now , fussing all the time , he get drunk and put me through emotional abuse , but recently he said he would work on our marriage and i feel like i want to , but there is a part of me that lost something in our marriage during the emotional abuse , i don't know how to turn the passion back on anymore , plz help me , i have stopped chatting online with the guy , because i know i am playing with fire , not so good at this but nice to have advise from someone you don't have to face because i am so ashamed

Dear Carolinagirl:

Don't feel ashamed....Everyone needs help...That is what this site is all about...Loneliness and hurt sent you to the site where you met your problem and this site for advice....Possibly a marriage conselour could help you..

I am not a professional, but in my opinion, your husband must stop drinking...No woman deserves this abuse...Nor should she take it...Your question of how to turn passion back on stumps me...For I have only know love...

I guess if I was in your shoes, I would tell him how I felt....Make him woo you all over again...Tell him he must now help you find what he has destroyed....Everything you have said makes sense...A woman is a very fragile soul...We can make love like the God's or go cold from lack of inner stimulation...By this I mean our minds....You are worth fighting for....It is up to him to go back to square one and make you a woman as you were before this abuse...Have him massage you....Baby you tenderly....Put no time frame on your giving of your body....Prove himself to you.....Make love to you tenderely....Go back to your dating days and move on....

IMO, you can't buy passion....It is given from within and if it is good it is unconditional.....But, if your soul is wounded it must be healed.....

I wish I was a doctor and could give you a pill to ease this pain of life, but I'm not....I can only speak to you as a woman who lives in that place where you want to return....

Much love,
Caroline

you have made me feel so much better , i did not want to tell my personal abuse but you made me feel comfortable thanks so much , i am trying to let him back in i am just so hurt , i love him i really do , never want to hurt him in any way , i just feel like a disaapoinment to him , if he changes i will be so blessed , well i am blessed i have 2 wonderful boys . thanks so much for your understanding and making me feel better and the advise .much love , Nicole

my mom went to a church that had a strong will to save couples marriages. they were given homework and the nine yards. you dont have to be a member of the church to apply. you should find out what church in your neighborhood that does this.

i know how it feels to feel that way about someone that hurts you. you were probably under so much stress, that you just resorted to something that was fun, fancy free.
it's good that you are committed on your marriage, and it's even better that your husband is also. and i hope my advice was helpful. you can go to a therapist, but church therapy is free.