I too used to hate the medications they used to give to me. I had such a hard time taking them because of the horrible side effects. I denied I even had bipolar and i"ve been diagnosed with it by different doctors all at different times.
I'm JUST beginning to agree I have it after having gone thru 14 jobs in only a ten year period. I have four children who are now young adults and unfortunetly at the time I decided to have children I didn't know I had bipolar, therefore never knowing I could pass the genes onto my children.
each one of them have psycological problems and I feel so darn guilty about it.
they have it from both of their parents. Both their father and from my side of the family.
they're two maybe 3 are alcoholics and one has very bad social anxiety and depression.
to get to the point of the story.
I never thought I could get better. I really didn't see anything wrong with me till just this year. I"m now 47. It took YEARS of denial and suffering and my life being so darned discombobulated all the time, never knowing those are all common symptoms. oh, and not to mention self medicating myself.
after my divorce I got into snorting heroin, doing cocaine, drinking too much and I tried so hard to kill myself but failed. I woke up in a hospital restrained to a bed.
it was horrible.
the new drug I was just put on a month ago is working so well for me....so far anyway. the only problem I'm finding with it is that it interferes with my hormone patch I take for estrogen. I had a total hysterectomy in 2005 which means I no longer have ovaries to produce estrogen anymore. when you don't have estrogen flowing through our bodies anymore, some get horrible side effects of not having it. like me.
I started getting horrible hot flashes like I did when I wasn't on HRT.
so I did some research and I was NOT told by my psychiatrist that it possibly would effect the HRT either. I found out on my own.
but I"m thinking that maybe I can stand this side effect compared to all the others I've tried. this is nothing in comparison to the others.
you start off on a very low dosage so you don't get this life threatening rash and this medication does NOT make you gain any weight. as a matter of fact, it MAKES some people lose weight.
it's called LAMICTAL. My dr asked me what's the harm in trying it? and that I can always just stop taking it if I can't handle it. she asked me don't I want to feel normal?
My answer was "oh GOD YES!!!! I'm tired of suffering with bouts of rage and telling people off. the public, doctors, co-workers, my bosses, etc. you name it, I tell them off. I just don't have that inbetween space like others do. I'm either happy, or I"m not.
there is no inbetween for me. most think I"m such a happy person who would never speak out in anger. until they work with me long enough to see that I have another side of me. It's like Linda Blair in the "exorcist". LOL
I'm just joking. I"m not THAT bad.
so my answer if you care, is to try the medication and the therapy helps somewhat.
but you have to have a good repoir with the person. I don't have that right now. I was given a new one because my other one left the practice.
exercise really works, so you can take out your anger on that and plus it starts to give you energy so you can feel like wanting to get out of bed. it really works. I swear. take little baby steps if you have to. start off by going up the street and back with the kids. they'd love to take a walk with you.
before you know it, you'll be going longer and longer and getting more oxygen and blood flow to your brain which can set off natural endorphines that makes us happy and feel like we're high too.
all these things combined worked for me, so far.....
I really hope you find happiness or a place that you can find yourself peace and comfort. Good luck on your journey.
