Hi Kd

I am so sorry your in so much pain your amazing how you keep working our your employers sympathtic i hope so. You rest up and i'll say a pray for you.

Take care

sam

Hi--Thank you for prayers..thankfully I work for a small family business--they kinda adopted me..I have given them more hours than I need off so they are understanding..I work no matter how bad I feel so they know when I call in it's really bad..In 3 years I have called in twice..What this probably really means is had I called in more just maybe I wouldn't continue to feel so bad..I know I don't give my body time to heal on anything..My work hours are 9a-5p and I am on call every other work 24/7 for 7 days..I am on salary and I usually go in between 7a-9a..I do this only because I want to feel free in taking off when it's too bad..Does this make sense..Sometimes I'm not so sure about my approach..

Morning Sam--we had storms thoruhg 430am today..Whew--some were really rough-heavy rains, winds and lightening..Winds reaching uup to 60 mi. an hour in some places..Thankfully all that pressure has moved out and bones not as bad this am..How are you?kd

Hi KD

Yes it makes sense and different ways help different people some people say work keeps them going others says it speeds up there illness as you said your body never gets time to rest and heal which over time couldcause more damage but then you know your body by now so i think for you work is probly helpful, i think if i didnt have 3 kids i would of kept some work on if not paid volutetree work i could not of carried on in my orginal job as a community carer as it was 12 shifts and heavy lifting but i miss it alot, if i get my illness under control by medication which i hope i will then i would think of going back and working part time when the kids are older and dont need me so much but at the moment just going to hydrothreapy is hard enough once a week!!

I am glad your pain has eased, i nearly missed your post as we have gone onto 2nd page lol

I got my appointment for the National hospital in London but its not till August the 24 th i was upset at this as i had hoped to get into his July clinic i see my rheumy before i see this consultant still i guess i've waited this long i can wait some more.

Take Care sam x

Wow--that's a long time..But I guess it's like that here too for specialist...
I just got in from work and my hubby had everything set dor oatmeal..Yep we had breaksfast for dinner..Sometimes it just sets well..He doesn't cook but he likes to get things set up..He began doing this when our sex liv=fe started getting better..I know that is a contradiction in terms with pain but for some reason it drives me to make sure our life in this area is better than before..Maybe this is what has changed him as well..

Bless him

Me and my husband have a strange relationship he left last year in august and we have been living apart for a while now first things were bad between us but now we are best of friends again and i have learned to deal with my illness better and this in turn has helped our relationship through out everything i have always maintained a good sex life though it suffers at times and although we are separated still we are lose physially, he is an amazing carer now but was not great in the begining but it was hard for all of us then.

At first my illness pushed us apart but recently it has made us closer i am hoping and praying one day he will come home.

I am relaxing today the girls have a half day and have friends oming to play one today and one tomorrow so i am preparing myself for that lol 3 is enough never mind a 4th one, i hope i'll be ok as i had to cancel it last week as i was too ill.i am ment to be taking my eldest and her friend to the cinema i just hope i dont have one of those flares.

sam

Oh honey-I pray for a day of un with the girls..I know it is so hard to have to plan your time around illness..

I am glad your husband is more understanding and that your special time with sex is better..Maybe it is the tenderness they bring now that spices it so much..I hope an pray your husband does come home.It sounds like you are heading in the right direction..It's been awhile so maybe it's time to let him know in no uncertain terms that you want him home..Make a good dinner-have that romantic time (yep even with kids around) it can get spicy if done with caution..

You could even write him a love letter telling him all you feel and mail it to his address..Then it will be up to him and you will know what he is all about..

Hi KD

So sorry not been in touch i have had a bout of tonsililtis so painful i could not eat or drink for 3 days just sucked ice cubes dr thought there was an absess there anyway on the mend still cant eat solid food but better and on antibiotics which are awfull and as i am ment to drink alot i also have a urine infection my wee is really dark and smells but now i can drink i am trying to get the fluids into me.

Me and carl fell out just before i got ill and i think the stress did not help, he likes me to talk to him in a correct way or there is tension and more sometimes (but i wont go into that) I was well sat gone and took my eldest to and her friend and her mother to cinema girls went in on own and we sat in cafe and chatted then the school fair was on so i said i would met him there with my youngest my middle child was with a friend there already, i rang him when i got there as i said to meet at the gate but he had his phone on silent and dint get there till later by then on my stick i was feeling it as had no where to sit when he got there i saw him but he didnt see me and walked off past the point we were ment to meet i tried to follow him but at my pace that was hard eventually my youngest spotted me and ran up when carl got there i said i've been calling you and walking round then laughed! he came up and said if i ever tal to him like that in public again i would be sorry!!

Its always been like that i have to watch what i say and how i behave but to the extreme and i guess that day i was tired in pain and abit anixous,i said sorry but he would not speak to me all day it was only when i got ill on the sat night he stated to talk to him but he refuses to sleep in my bed any more.

I think a letter would be good i think sometimes he does not understand how hard it is to be ill, of what i have lost the effects of the medication on me i had to adjust to all this and although that is hard on him to i expected him to stand by and support me, i love him i am not sure i can live by his rules as i seem to always upset him but i love him,only God knows if we should be together or not!!

Hope your ok?

sam

So sorry you have been sick..You know your Carl is different..Doesn't sound good to have to watch what you say all the time..What would happen if you said something he doesn't like? You can do better than him honey..He's trying to make you out to be the bad guy and you aren't..Not your fault you're sick..You do not have to wlak on shells..kd

Hi KD

Sorry for spilling all my personal probs on you i guess sometimes its easier to talk to someone when your not face to face with them. I struggle with this all the time i am a christian and i know we are to obey our husbands and respect them but then they are to tressure us and lay down there lives for us, i have not be a christian long only a few yrs and when i became a christian carl left but now over time and God working in his life he too is a christian and he has changed alot for the good and so have i, he admits that he is controling and it has alot to do with his past and has changed alot of hings in him but i dont think this part of him will ever change but i could be wrong and i guess that is why i hang on! this is a second marriage for me my first walked out when i was pregnant with my 2 nd child for a 15 yr old girl and was in and out of my eldest life (he would not have nothing to do with my second child)untill 3 yrs ago and he dissapeared for good he had bi-popular disorder i or him did not realise that at the time of being married but he got dx after 2 failed suicied attempts, anyway i guess i dont want to let go again and i believe God blesses marriage (although we were not christians when we meet and got married)plus i have faith things will work out. I done him a card on the internet and sent it to him to express my feelings for him and to tell him i understand how hard it is for him as well my illness.
I'm feeling better and the antibiotics seem to be working i have a ten day course so i hope i might be able to get out in the fresh air for a few hours tomorrow.

Hope your well. Thanks for listening KD