I am having real problems with a friend of mine who has lupus. She doesn't seem to realise that all of us have problems too and she's not the only one suffering. As a result she totally dominates conversation, is a poor listener and very insensitive to my needs and other peoples needs. I am now 30 and would like to start a family perhaps in the next few years with my boyfriend. However, she is still single and unlucky in love. However, what does she do? She's persistant on constantly meeting up with my family. Before it was a complete nightmare because she used to ignore me and meet up with my sister (who is 3 years younger than my friend and I). However, now it has changed to meeting up with my parents, me and my younger sister as a group, whenever my younger sister comes up from down south.
I am looking to making a few changes in the next few years, like starting a family and also attending a daytime university as I'm currently doing Open University and doing really well with it.
I just don't know what to do about my friend, I have tried very subtlely hinting to her like (my brother said this, my sister said this) to try and make her realise that my sister isn't a friend, it's my sister and it's different to having a female friend. My friend doesn't have a sister and does not realise this bond we have. My younger sister and I used to be the best of friends until I invited my friend round to my house when i was 12 years old. I never intended for her to completely take over when she is with my family.
I'm really really not sure what to do in this situation - she's almost getting worse as she gets older more and more insensitive. For example, I will say 'a private family meal' and then she will invite herself along or I will say 'I need some time and space to myself' and then she will go behind my back and tell mum or my sister that I'm acting oddly. Really can't get through to anyone - tried telling my sister and Mum that I need some space for her but they are very protective over her because she has lupus. I feel she's almost using lupus as an excuse to destroy my life and give me no privacy.
It's making me really be put off starting a family and attending day time university because I can't guarentee she won't start contacting my younger sister again, completely influencing her and as a result completely leaving me out!
Has anyone else experienced this and has any idea how I can gently loose touch with my school friend, I am gradually making new friends but it's been hard because this friend doesn't like it and intrudes as per normal like she's done with my younger sister. Very difficult to cope with really. I never intended for her to be so closely involved with my family and to know us so well. I'm a quiet and private person and like to remain a mystery to people and she's an open, very chatty and far to invasive. Very difficult to know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you serious? Get a life and get off these forums. Caringfriend my backside. You sound selfish and conceited. Fancy going on a lupus support site and inflicting your narrowminded, chip on shouler views. Some friend you are. Get over it and leave your 'friend' alone, she doesn't need any drama from having you in her life.