Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Loveless and lonely

I am a 24 year old college graduate living in New York City, and I am a virgin. It kills me every day. I've kissed a girl one time in my life. I tried all through college to get a girl to even kiss me, let alone have sex with me, but no such luck.

I'm not exactly easy on the eyes. I kind of have a very gaunt face and an acne problem which I'm sure doesn't help me. I'm 5'10 and very scrawny, like 160lbs. No matter how much I eat I can't seem to bulk up, and I'm ashamed to go to the gym and be around all the big jocks while I struggle to lift weights.

I'm in love with a girl, my best friend from college, but I'm stuck forever in the friend zone. To make matters worse, her boyfriend was my roommate for 2 years in college. They've been dating for about 3 years now.

I knew her before him, and she is the one who introduced us (she started dating him shortly after introducing us). He's become a good friend but I still resent him to this day for getting to her before me. Not that I ever had a chance. He was a volleyball star at our college, 6'3'' and in great shape, and I'm just a scrawny loser and I hate it. I don't think she ever even considered me in a sexual way, but I know she really cares about me, and she used to be very flirtatious in the beginning so I think that helped get me hooked.

Now I'm stuck living at home because I can't find a job, and he's working with great pay and just moved into his own place, and she stays with him all the time, which kills me because I go hang out there a lot, and leave alone while they sleep together.

Worst part? He's my only guy friend. I hate him because I can't try to take her from him. I don't even have an angle to try because he treats her like gold, and she is absolutely crazy about him even after 3 years.

Seeing them together makes me want to just punch him in the face, except I CAN'T, because he'd just knock me out and I'd lose both of them as friends.

I'll never get to be with the love of my life. My only friend is my worst enemy. My life sucks and is going nowhere.

I have to tell her how I feel...otherwise I might as well just give up.
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replied March 18th, 2012
First off, you're NOT a loser. You are obviously a well-read, literate person with a great deal of intelligence. Being "scrawny" is a great thing - one heck of a lot better than being overweight. And you're tall; the average height of a man is 5'7"! I am a 5'9" woman married to a 5'7" man, so don't give up!

As for your acne, I know of people who have had great success with products like Proactiv. Or talk to your regular MD - or a friend - to find the name of a good dermotologist, and go see him/her for medication to treat the acne. Acne is mostly determined by heredity, although few people make it through the teen years without getting afflicted.

It's killing you to see your best friend and your best female friend together. Stop. There's no point in continuing to torture yourself. So make plans to see your female friend and tell her how you feel. Like you said, she should know! If she was flirting with you early on, it could be that she harbors hidden feelings for you as well.

Just remember that she IS part of a "happy couple", and so be ready to lose that friendship one way or another. Tell her your feelings, or not, but STOP with the self-torture. Work on finding a job, getting your own place, and get started on your own adult life. Once you're in the workplace, you're going to meet a lot of people, and you never know which one might be "the one."

You'll also be able to find more male friends. Just remember to treat people with friendliness and sensitivity, just as you want to be treated, and you'll have no problem finding someone. Remember that when you go out on a first date, try to listen more than you talk, and ask the girl questions about her school years, her family, how she gets along with her sisters or whatever. There are tons of topics, and once you're out there, you're going to find the world is a BIG place with LOTS of people who are looking for a friendly face in the crowds.

As for being a virgin, be honest with your girl, when the time comes. Ask her to, well, teach you (but in a way that doesn't make her sound slutty!). It's actually a big turn-on to find out one's date is a virgin when it comes to be time for love-making. Just don't be too eager -- that's a HUGE turn-off for women. And remember - you're going to make someone a great husband and even father, someday! You are obviously intelligent, so don't waste any more time with this current situation! You're in NYC, dude! Get out there, get a job, and meet some people. I KNOW the right girl is just waiting for you!
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replied March 18th, 2012
Thanks for being supportive, but I definitely screwed up last night. The 3 of us and some of their friends were out drinking for St. Patrick's day, and I got way too drunk and told her how I feel...but I was so drunk and obnoxious that she got angry and thought I was just being a douche, which I was.

She asked me to stop and talk when I was sober, but instead I started screaming at her, at which point Jay (friend/boyfriend) came over and pulled me outside, and I swung at him. He just put pinned me to the wall, told me to go home and went back inside....so naturally I went and started a fight with some other guy, who started kicking my ass.

Next thing I know, Jay and his friends come out and pull the guy off of me and beat HIS ass...but then they put me in a cab and told it to take me home..after everything I did he still did that for me??

I woke up this morning feeling like scum, and neither of them will answer my calls or messages. I finally got Lisa (HER) on the phone, and she told me Jay feels really betrayed by me right now and is furious...and she feels uncomfortable because of the way I behaved.

My already shitty life fell apart in one night What can I do??? Please give me advice! Sad
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