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Q: Love and Marriage and Being Gay

asked by: Birch on September 20th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I wanted to share this editorial I read today with the board. Recent political developments (Palin for President when McCain Croaks) have revived an interest in this issue for many.

If you don't want to read it, the summary is that there is no legitimate reason to be against gay marriage. I couldn't agree more.

My head's killing me this morning.

I have a headache because I'm thinking too much about same-sex marriages and all the judgmental crap that goes with it. I have Gary and William, my gay friends -- indirectly -- to thank for the Tylenol I'm taking.

I met them in the fall of 1994. After my twin brother died of AIDS, I wanted to get involved with helping people who had the illness.

We volunteered together for AVOC (AIDS Volunteers, now known as Stop AIDS) for a number of years, and we've stayed in touch. We're still friends.

I always think of William as Gary's wife. He seems more feminine to me. He's kind of quiet and more in touch with his feelings than Gary, who's a nice guy but can come across a bit macho at times. I've kidded with him about this more than once.

They're a likeable couple. William is tall and thin. He always wears Dockers pants or shorts. Gary's a short, muscular man who you'll always find in blue jeans. I sort of consider them the Mutt and Jeff of my gay community.

Gary is the "yard guy." He's always trimming the hedges, mowing the lawn or setting new flowers out in his garden.

William's the "kitchen guy." He's usually baking cookies or thinking up a new casserole dish to create. He makes a Mexican chicken casserole that's out of this world.

When you see them together, it's easy to spot their unconditional love for and devotion to one another. They've been a married couple for years, but since they're gay they're not officially married at all.

That's about to change.

I got an e-mail from Gary a couple hours ago. I'm invited to a party this coming Saturday night -- a going away party.

Gary and William have sold their home in Price Hill and are moving to San Francisco. They bought a house there, and they're going to get married.

After I read Gary's e-mail, I said out loud to myself, "Good for them."

His e-mail got me thinking about love and marriage and being gay. That's why my head's hurting now.

Loving someone -- having a partner -- is a wonderful thing. Being gay or straight doesn't matter. The sharing of one's life is what's important.

I think marriage is a little old fashioned. I don't think you need a piece of paper confirming what you feel in your heart for someone else, but if a gay couple wants to get a marriage license and make it all official, just like Gary and William want to, I say go for it.

The controversy over gay marriage baffles me this morning while I drink coffee and try to get rid of my headache. Why are we as a society so uptight about this?

I might be kidding myself, but I like to think even here in conservative Cincinnati most people support gay rights. After all, we got rid of Article 12 of the city charter a few years ago. If we support these rights, how come we're still opposed to gay marriage?

Why is it if you're gay and want to get married you have to go to California or Massachusetts to do it? How come only two states consider this "normal?"

Perhaps I know the answer to at least the last question: California and Massachusetts are considered progressive states. Ohio will probably be considered that way when hell freezes over.

Gary and William know this, too. That's why they're leaving.

When it comes to gay marriage, the United States is a bit backward. Countries like Canada, Spain and Norway consider same-sex marriages exactly the same as opposite-sex marriages. In these countries, the marriages share all the same civil rights. Why can't we do the same here?

I think it all gets back to religion. Right-wing religious organizations still control this country and look down and judge people whose lifestyles are different from their own.

In my view, many religious people think when it comes to being gay it's all about the sex and nothing else. Love doesn't enter the picture, so marriage shouldn't either.

Religious leaders have brainwashed their "flock" into thinking that homosexuality is evil and bad. It's immoral. They don't want to marry "f--" sinners.

What [expletive]. We need to move away from this utter stupidity.

When I think of the problems this world has -- war, famine, poverty, global warming and other huge, serious issues now in our faces -- gay people simply wanting to get married doesn't cross my mind. Not even once.

However, religion -- any kind of organized religion -- does give me great pause. This constant, overreaching and imposing into our lives is increasingly concerning. It's dangerous, and we need to get it under control.

I find myself wondering this morning if Gary and William will adopt a child after they move to San Francisco. They've talked about it for years. They'd be wonderful parents.

I could start thinking of other issues facing them -- like a gay married couple adopting a baby -- but I don't want to make my headache any worse than it is now.

Instead, I'll think about Saturday night and the fun I've had with these good friends. I plan on getting them some going away gifts.

Maybe for William I'll get a couple of stoneware casserole dishes. For Gary, maybe a rolling tool cart to use in his new lawn and garden in San Francisco.

I'll miss them, that's for sure, but I'm excited for their new start.

I wish them love and total happiness. Most importantly of all, I wish them much good luck.

By Larry Gross

Users who thank Birch for this post: homerx

Replies(9)

homerx

replied on September 22nd, 2008

Moderator

Thanks,Birch...that was a good read....!

diamondsz

replied on October 3rd, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

That is so cute~! Thanx Birch

Birch

replied on October 28th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

A letter/response was printed about that article, I thought it was so obscene that people should read it:

Sometimes forget why I don’t pick up CityBeat. After reading Larry Gross’ silly column on gay marriage (“Love and Marriage and Being Gay,” issue of Sept. 17), I now remember why.

The tradition of marriage is important. Marriage is between a man and a woman, and it’s been that way for hundreds of years. It’s tradition.

People like Gross want to throw that out the window and open it up to gay people who can’t figure out their lives. Sure, get on your soap box and preach how wonderful your gay buddies are, but it doesn’t change anything.

If they want to live together, I could care less, but they shouldn’t impose their will on us. Just because they don’t believe in tradition doesn’t mean we have to do away with it.

You won’t print this letter, I know, because it’s a different opinion than Gross has. I don’t care. I wanted him to know how misguided he is. Change the column name from Living Out Loud to Laugh Out Loud.

— Keven Peder, Norwood

There is nothing "right" about this letter, and I'm sure the paper printed it because it's so ridiculously offbase. It can't even be offensive because it's so comeadic.

Don't worry, GLBT and friends, as younger generations are taught the qualities of acceptance for all, this kind of person will soon die out like the dinosaurs.

Users who thank Birch for this post: homerx

homerx

replied on October 28th, 2008

Moderator

Birch wrote:

Don't worry, GLBT and friends, as younger generations are taught the qualities of acceptance for all, this kind of person will soon die out like the dinosaurs.

We can only hope!! rainbowflag

thanks,Birchie...good 2 hear all sides so we know what we are dealing with!

JYoungBear

replied on October 28th, 2008

Experienced User

Birch wrote:

Talk about misguided - he doesn't do anything more than rant / rave about a traditional marriage. I wonder if he has opened his eyes to the fact that gay couples ARE in fact getting married legally in several states across the US, and it's a safe assumption he is coming out of Norwood, Massachusetts (approximately 2.5 hours away from me).

Where he says he is fine with gay couples living together, is he truly? I doubt it. I totally agree, it's off base, not only that, VERY misguided, and tells me that the writer is quite misinformed.

I, personally, don't see myself getting married, on a variety of reasons, and I'm fine with that. However, that doesn't stop me from supporting gay marriage, and supporting those gay couples that do want to get married. If it came down to tradition, I feel that it correlates with religous beliefs, and in fact, there are religions out there that do support the union of two females or males, as I belong to one of those churches (Unitarian Universalist).

JYoungBear

replied on October 28th, 2008

Experienced User

And that was an excellent read. Good for them! Very Happy

homerx

replied on October 29th, 2008

Moderator

JYoungBear wrote:

I, personally, don't see myself getting married, on a variety of reasons, and I'm fine with that. However, that doesn't stop me from supporting gay marriage, and supporting those gay couples that do want to get married..

Right On,brother!!!

homerx

replied on November 4th, 2008

Moderator

California Voters!

yasin2612

replied on November 20th, 2008

New User

well getting married is maybe just a formality and its true that loves sees no sex, a person might start loving another person of same sex, its natural and no one should go against it, god made emotions and we should care about it..............

not to get into it, but it is said to be abnormal if the person is found to be a gay or lesbian, if that is true than one should always make attempts to come out of this, because you ultimately dont get any thing other than fun, sex and romance, if u marry a person of same sex u will not be able to set your own family and in long run you might just feel discarded or left alone.........

well that was my suggestion, except it or reject it your wish, because i do not intend to force some one.....

talkin about me, i call myself bi-sexual, i still enjoy my life king-size.............lol

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