Hi, in 2006, I fell in love at first sight with a Japanese girl who studied in my university. We had a great first conversation, but I found out she had a boyfriend, so I wanted to just become friends at first and wait until they break up. The whole time in college, she played with my feelings--good friends one day and literally pretends she doesnt know me the next. I think she never knew I was in love with her. Then I saw she did it to all white guys around, and that she hung out exclusively with other Asians, pretty indiscriminately--ugly guys, stupid guys, etc. After that I got fed up with her closed-minded attitude and tried to forget her, but I never could. For six years, even though I was with other girls, and she was with the same guy, I was waiting to one day be with her. I asked her to get coffee with me when I was in Japan 1.5 years ago. She was so excited to see me--we had a great date, she was smiling non-stop, stayed for four hours. I fell in love with her all over again. She said she will meet me next time I come to Japan, invited me to a club, to the beach. I thought I finally had a breakthrough and next time I will win her heart, whether she is already single or whether she is still dating that same guy. But when I came nine months later, she said she will check her schedule and after that, never even picked up the phone. I realized she just wanted to play with me only one time, and then throw me away, like in college. In a few months, she left the guy she was dating for six years, and started dating a guy from work--7-8 years older than her, scrawny, unattractive, really square, works in human resources in a smallish company for 30K per year. He got her pregnant on accident, and she immediately became engaged to him after dating him 3-4 months. Shes not morally opposed to abortion or anything.
When I found out, I was in shock. Shes young and beautiful--she has many options. She said she liked romantic guys with toned bodies, excitement, clubs, snowboarding. She said she thought being an office worker or housewife is boring, and that she wanted to travel, work abroad, and experience new things. So she literally threw away all her hopes and dreams for the type of guy she didnt want and the type of life she didnt want just for the excitement of motherhood. Since then, on facebook, she posts exclusively about the pregnancy, even on her wedding pictures! She never says anything about this guy, so I am pretty sure she married just for the baby, and she is not in love with this guy. He didnt give her any gifts, take her on honeymoon. Also, I called her, and she gave the phone to him. He first said he was police and than that it was the wrong number--he didnt even have the guts to say, "who the hell are you, shes engaged to me and with my baby, stay away from her, etc."
I left everything in America, and came to Japan to try to sweep her off her feet and convince her this marriage is a terrible idea. I told her she is the love of my life, that Ive been crazy about her for six years, that I have been waiting for her all this time, that shes the most wonderful girl in the world. I said, you can have a baby with anybody--why marry a guy you dated a few months you dont even love just because of an accident. You gonna have to live with him the rest of your life, even when the excitement of the baby wears off. Youre not in love with him or he with you, hes not your type, he doesnt have the kind of lifestyle you want. I told her, you enjoy my company, we have so much in common, we have known each other six years, I have the looks, the body you said you liked, the career, in a few years, money, I travel a lot, I can give you the exciting life, etc., you wanted. With this guy, you wont see anything--youre giving up everything you have ever wanted. I have been crazy about you for six years--nobody will love you and care about you as much as me.
Other women told me they would be flattered and moved, and secretly happy guys are fighting over them. She just ignored me, and flatly refused to meet me in person, answer the phone, or respond to my letter. I didnt do anything creepy, or pathetic, something that would cause her to fear me or despise me. After I contacted her four times total in 10 days, all without answer, she called police and told them Im stalking her... You would figure a girl would respond in this way only if I broke her arm before, or tried to rape her, or threatened her, or something horrible like that. But she was so friendly to me last time. I think her attitude is that after she plays with someone and throws them away, when the person naturally expects to hang out or chat again or asks for an explanation, she gets indignant and resentful, and shifts guilt onto them, acting like they must be some sort of stalker or maniac for failing to disappear. Then, if that person tells her he loves her, for her its creepy and unwelcome rather than flattering.
I really wish I could just forget her, but my feelings for her are so strong. I am going crazy without her.
I just want to ask, at any point I knew her, was there anything I could have done to prevent this cycle of playing with my feelings, and to have her take me seriously? If I said, you dont think its strange that after four years in the US, you dont have a single friend outside of your culture, or that you dont even say hi to your American classmates or regular customers at work? Dont you think its not a good reason to reject me just because Im white? If you like talking to me, why not just become friends with me or date me? You are a nice girl--how can you treat me this way? Why is anything beyond a single convo or date out of question, but you have no idea marrying one of the worst Asian guys around after dating him a few months? Would that make her think and start taking me seriously, or would she just be angry that I told her the truth about her whims?
wow, she isn't worth the time or effort. seriously, your letting your heart take over. one day you will realise. why waste your time, effort and love for someone who clearly is messed up and ungrateful for you efforts. I believe you will find someone who will appreciate and return as much love as you seem to have in your heart. I have been in your position where you think you know the girl and you think your doing the best thing by spilling your heart/ you think she is playing games... it is all bs, truth is some girls are messed up and will never be able to understand, they just like to feel wanted. don't go looking for love, because it will find you. have fun and be young.