Hi, I really need some help.
For a long time I've been feeling really down,
I asked my mom to take me to a psychologist before and she took me to two, but I was always too afraid to talk to them so nothing ever really got done.

But in 10th grade a teacher of mine got involved, when she called me over to talk to me about my grades, which she saw were dropping, and she was worried because I was one of the top students and always seemed down, negative, and withdrawn. I begged her not to tell anyone 'cause I would work harder, and since nothing changed she talked to my school's councilor who called my parents the next day. My mom took me to a 3rd psychologist by my schools request. I actually felt comfortable with this one and talked to her, and she told my mom I was depressed and wanted me to get medication. This however my mom refused, due to the fact she didn’t really believe I was depressed... things got worse when she found out about my dropping grades. At that point she started telling me I was making things up to cover up for my grades dropping and constantly teased me after my sessions with my psychologist saying I was just manipulating her. I eventually stopped seeing my psychologist and am currently getting no help.

I’m 17 now and things haven’t gotten better. I constantly think about killing myself, I tend to cry a lot when I’m alone, get very emotional, eat a lot, and at few times have cut myself. Recently a friend of mine made a comment that I tend to get upset very easily because I always seem to be upset at someone and I’m worried I’m starting to push the few friends I have away…

I really don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my parents because they wont believe me and I don’t want to talk to my councilor because last time she got involved she made my life I living hell, and my friends are really no help ether since I don’t want them to think I whine all the time.

I’m sorry this is so long but can anyone give me some advice? I really don’t know what to do.