Ok, I've been realizing this all the time for the past year but for some reason or another, would move on and never seem to do anything about it. I tried to categorize this question the best I could to make it easier to follow, sorry about the length, I know its long, but if you have any comments or suggestions PLEASE POST THEM! I'm beginning to become very depressed and worried and it would mean so much to me!

BACKGROUND:
I'm a 20 year old male with one younger brother, living in an apartment with one roommate currently, who does pretty well for himself but can be a dick sometimes. My dad was born and raised in the Middle East before coming to America and my mom grew up in Ohio. My dad is an outstanding neurologist who always got straight A's and worked his ass off, while my mom still did well and used to be a nurse, but after marrying my dad, quit her job and now only cleans the house with occasional volunteer work. My dad is usually gone on weekdays from morning till dinner-time and usually comes home stressed out and just wants to eat and relax, while my mom is very nice most of the day but has her occasional mood swings and, with being home all the time, never gives me as much privacy as I'd like. They both want me to do really well in school and are willing to spend as much as possible for my education (My mom nags me about it much more than my dad). Both parents are still happily married by the way.

PAST:
From as far back as I can remember all the way through my sophomore year I only wanted to fit in and be well liked by everyone. I wanted to be popular with girls and be the guy they always wanted to be around, but never thought I was very good-looking and because of it, never had the courage. In fact, up until my senior year I had never even hooked up with anyone. I wasn't outgoing at all. I only wanted to do what was considered cool and hang out with my friends as much as possible, and similarly, hang out with my family as little as possible. I would always get in stupid arguments with my parents over the smallest, least important things and try to be away from them always, and even after all this time I still don't know why. I used to exaggerate stories or tell little white lies to my friends and peers just to make myself sound more interesting and important. What was considered cool changed throughout the years obviously, for example, I was really into sports like soccer and basketball in elementary school, then moved into more extreme sports like skateboarding and snowboarding later on in early middle school simply because the majority of kids thought it was the "in" thing. Then I got really into all kinds of video games and acting like a gangster in late middle school/early high school times, again, just because my friends thought it was cool. I will admit, everything I did was still fun, but at the same time I've realized almost everything I do with my friends is fun, whether or not it's cool. Even the clothes I wore represented just what was trendy and popular and as a matter of fact, the only reason I stared drinking and smoking cigarettes in high school was because everyone else was doing it. At the same time though, I always did pretty well in school, I would say a solid 3.5 average, and I wanted to be someone who made large amounts of money, and at the time thought a computer programmer would be appropriate (since I thought was really into video games at the time). I can now honestly say after looking back at it, I was never very happy or confident in my past and the only things that were important to me were my wants and desires.

JUNIOR YEAR TO COLLEGE:
Then as my junior year begun, I picked up smoking weed, at first because everyone was doing it, but after only a few times I took a completely different outlook on life and loved it. I realized I had been very unconfident and self-centered up until now and never took the time to see what was important to others. I recognized the times where when I did what was cool, I only did it for that reason, and not because it's what I thought was right or what I actually liked. I also saw how I never made any effort to socialize with new people and noticed how I was always very judgmental of everyone and everything. Once I got more confidence, I started making an effort to talk to everyone around me and tried to understand their point of views in every aspect of life. I stopped trying so hard to fit in and quit worrying about acting cool, and just tried to be friendly to everyone I ran into. I think I became much more open-minded, relaxed, and in a weird sort of way, enlightened. This outlook helped make my senior year the best time of my life, where I'm proud to say I finally communicated and got along with my whole class. I can also honestly say I was truly happy during this time. I'm not going to lie though; I was smoking weed multiple times a day. My grades did decline a little with me getting a 3.1 my first semester and not managing to even get a 3.0 my second, but I still got in my college of choice and didn't worry about it.

COLLEGE:
At first I was very nervous but I stuck with my new mentality and made friends easily (most of which, smoke with me). All my closest friends are very diverse and different from each other, but I love them all the same, and it�s the diversity that I love the most. I've really been trying and doing a great job at treating everyone, and I mean everyone literally, with respect and kindness when I can. I absolutely love meeting new people and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to put a smile on someone's face, especially a friend. Relationship wise, I've still never had a girlfriend but I have had plenty of good hookups and a few memorable one night stands. Sadly though, I'd really like to finally date someone long-term than just hook up with them for a few weeks, but I always mess it some way or another. Currently, there's this girl who I LOVE TO DEATH, but she is now going out with one of my close friends. The thing that makes me mad though is he knows I have a hard time starting relationships, and he knows how much I liked her, and knew we were hooking up for weeks, but still got involved when he had the chance and pushed me out of the picture! School wise, I am not doing as well as I should. My freshman year my cumulative was only a 2.2 and even though I am doing better this year, it's still not looking likely that I'll obtain a 3.0. I've also changed majors three times now and depending on how this one goes, I might even change again. Every major I seem to try I do like, but I know there are so many majors to choose from and I'm not sure which one I like the best. Overall though, my college experience so far has been amazing. I've met so many new friends and helped people out in ways I didn't know I could do. There is a lot of responsibility involved though and it's getting to the point where I have so much going on now I don't know what to do and feel depressed sometimes. Everyone tells me I'm the nicest person they know (and girls even think I'm good looking, yay!), which all helps boost my confidence and mood too, but if I can't manage to get my grades up this semester I will have to leave here forever.

NOW:
I don't know what to do or think anymore and I almost feel like I'm going insane at times. I�m usually still in a great mood all day, but I find that when I have time to think to myself I'm depressed. School is important to me but sometimes I don't have the motivation to do well or randomly mess something important up. I'm still very uncertain with what I want to do career and major wise and I'm already halfway done with college! It makes me nervous because I used to be so sure with what I wanted to do in life but now I'm not. There are still so many things that I question about myself, and I'm very worried that I'm still just doing what is considered cool by society. At the same time though, I don't want to stop doing my actions because it honestly could be what I really like and not just what everyone conforms to. I often think about the purpose of life and if there really is any purpose behind it at all (don't get me wrong, I would never commit suicide). I also think sometimes that I don't really have an opinion on most things, because I can clearly see how someone would like it and vise versa. I'm not sure if I should keep smoking weed either, but whenever I stop for long periods at a time, it doesn't seem to do anything for me. Also, I still don't know what to do with my relationship issue, because I really do love and care about this girl. I've tried to move on for months now but it's just too hard for me to do. I've asked my friends for suggestions on these things but everyone has different answers for me. Please, what should I do?