Medical Questions > Relationships > Grief and Loss Forum

lost a parent to pancreatic cancer ?

Must Read
Millions of Americans are diagnosed with cancer. But what exactly is cancer and how does it affect the body?...
What puts you at risk for developing cancer? Learn how you can avoid or reduce exposure to risk factors for cancer here....
Cancer can occur anywhere in the body. But what are the signs and symptoms of cancer? Learn about general symptoms of cancer here....
I lost my 51 year old mother to pancreatic cancer on August 28, 2008. She was diagnosed December 13, 2007. Was given 3-6 months to live and made it to 8.5 months. But we were so hoping for much longer as all patients do. She was Stave IV and inoperable. The chemo really took her down the last couple of months. She had beaten the pancreatic part of it, what did her in was the omentum cancer AND chemo regimen for that. I'm so confused as to why my mother had cancer. We don't even have anyone else with a cancer history so this came out of left field. And she went downhill so quickly.

I'm distraught, I miss her terribly, I cry a lot. We did give her a beautiful ceremony, dove ascension and don't know how I did it but I wrote her eulogy and then read it to everyone. I can say that only my mother got me through that - she knew I wanted to be the one to speak it.

Anyhow, I have 3 young children that I must raise and care for, a husband who does not know how to ease my pain, and a family, circle of friends who love me and are trying to help. Yet I still feel so alone in this world. I mean, I've lost my mother, my very best friend. Who knew me better than anyone and helped me so much throughout my life. She was 51, I am 33. How am I going to cope?!! PC is devastating and agressive. Not to mention, has a very low survival rate. I knew nothing much about the disease until it attacked my family. I hope to start "A Daughter's Grief" support group soon. I just am feeling strangely out of place in the world and at a loss on what to do some days.

I have this frog in my throat most of the time and knots in my stomach. All of this seems unreal to me. I miss her laugh, I miss her hugs, I miss her kisses, I miss her touch. I just am struggling. Though I know and keep reminding myself that this is not forever, I am so taken by the emotions that I am feeling. I never thought my heart could ache this much. I mean my mom was everything. She was my teacher, my guide, held my hand during my baby's surgery. Was there for me in every pregnancy and birthing. I cannot believe that one day I'll watch my children graduate and wonder what my mother WOULD HAVE said. I'm lost.

so wish this was a bad dream that I could wake up from. I know it was selfish but I want her here!!!!!!! Where did cancer come from - why her, why now!!! I cannot help saying it. I know it is willed this way but makes no sense to me, not now anyway. Ugh!!!! My heart goes out to everyone affected by this cancer, any cancer.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper ForMyMom
|
Users who thank ForMyMom for this post: Fairy Godmother  pancdemic 

User Profile
replied September 18th, 2008
Supporter
Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Mother. I myself am 51 and have gone through the loss of my dad 3 years ago, and step mother who raised me 6 years ago. I just underwent a mastectomy this past April and had melanoma in 2001. A cerebral anuresym in 2001, so I call myself a living miracle. I believe God led me here to try to comfort those who need it. Cancer took my father. He had testicular cancer then colon cancer and then it took him (ll over), so very sad. We do not know what each day will bring us, I do know we have a choice in how we accept each day. You need to be as good a mother to your 3 wonderful children as your own Mother was to you. She would have wanted you to do this. Yes, its hard and my heart out to you. I am here if you ever fell you need to vent or talk, just PM me. I have a daughter who just turned 25 this year. Can't answer the why's, but can tell you, you are not alone. Your beautiful Mother is with you everyday........her spirit lives within you and she wants you to be the best Mom you can be to your own! Here's a hug for now.............God bless you Sweets! F*GM
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: ForMyMom 

replied September 28th, 2008
I'M SORRY. I KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELING.
I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in May of this year (2008). Its was apx. a month earlier that he had been diagnosed. It is a painful thing to experience, I am still trying to find a way to deal with my grief, sometimes the smallest things can may me cry. I wish there was a way that I could take all of our pain away. I just hope you are able to find a way to deal with the grief. I never knew the pain of losing a parent until now, and I don't wish this on anyone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank MISSINGUDAD for this post: ForMyMom 

This post is being reviewed to be sure that it adheres to our Community Guidelines.
Thanks for your patience!

replied October 1st, 2008
Re: I'M SORRY. I KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELING.
MISSINGUDAD wrote:
I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in May of this year (2008). Its was apx. a month earlier that he had been diagnosed. It is a painful thing to experience, I am still trying to find a way to deal with my grief, sometimes the smallest things can may me cry. I wish there was a way that I could take all of our pain away. I just hope you are able to find a way to deal with the grief. I never knew the pain of losing a parent until now, and I don't wish this on anyone.


I too am sorry for your loss - my prayers and thoughts go out to you as you mourn your dad. I don't wish this on anyone either. The pain is so deep losing your loved ones but a parent, I never imagined I'd be so lost. Wow - one month earlier, then gone the next. I am truly sorry for that. I hope your pain begins to ease over time. Though I know it will never fade, we just learn to cope I guess. I still cannot believe this happened. Take care!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 1st, 2008
Re: Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
Fairy Godmother wrote:
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Mother. I myself am 51 and have gone through the loss of my dad 3 years ago, and step mother who raised me 6 years ago. I just underwent a mastectomy this past April and had melanoma in 2001. A cerebral anuresym in 2001, so I call myself a living miracle. I believe God led me here to try to comfort those who need it. Cancer took my father. He had testicular cancer then colon cancer and then it took him (ll over), so very sad. We do not know what each day will bring us, I do know we have a choice in how we accept each day. You need to be as good a mother to your 3 wonderful children as your own Mother was to you. She would have wanted you to do this. Yes, its hard and my heart out to you. I am here if you ever fell you need to vent or talk, just PM me. I have a daughter who just turned 25 this year. Can't answer the why's, but can tell you, you are not alone. Your beautiful Mother is with you everyday........her spirit lives within you and she wants you to be the best Mom you can be to your own! Here's a hug for now.............God bless you Sweets! F*GM


Wow - you ARE a living miracle and it is truly wonderful. Thank you for posting to me and sharing your story. And thank you for your thoughts and concerns. My mother indeed wanted me to be a good mother and teacher to my children. I am going to carry on her torch for her. It is hard and I struggle with my feelings and my loss every day. But I continue to remind myself that God's love will see me through. I do not understand His plan for my mother, for me, for anyone but I do know He is in control and I have to TRUST. I know that one day, when it is time, I will see my mother again. And we will never have to say goodbye ever again. I love her and miss her so much.

God Bless you and keep you!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank ForMyMom for this post: Fairy Godmother 

User Profile
replied October 1st, 2008
Supporter
I stand corrected, I had the cerebral anuresym Feb 3, 1999. Short term memory is kinda shot sometimes. God does indeed have a plan for us. He is in control and you are correct in knowing we will all be together and never have to say goodbye again. Does my heart good to know there are others who share this with me! Might I make a suggestion? Did your Mother have a favorite robe or piece of clothing she wore? I had a Teddy Bear made out of my Grandfathers overalls. Had one also made using my Grandmothers robe. I am presently having a chair "recaned" using my Fathers ties. Just a constant reminder they are with me in spirit. This would be a wonderful possession for your children to help remember their Grandmother. Hugs to you!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 31st, 2010
My mom and Pacreatic Cancer
My mom is battling PC. I am her only daughter and we are the best of friends she is my world. I care for her and dad is there, but he relays on me alot. I feel alone and scared and feel I wont be able to handle losing her. I feel I will slip into depression and think I a partly there already. Nobody knows me like mom, I am losing my best friend. Somebody help me
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 9th, 2011
Hi Shena-
I feel like your story is almost a mirror image of mine almost. My Mom was diagnosed in September 2011 and she had an extended Whipple Surgery followed by Chemo and Radiation. Everything was going well and her liver failed and I lost her on May 19th 2011. I feel so lost, like I don't know who I am anymore. She was my best friend and I too felt like she was the only who cared and understood me and accepted me for me. I was fortunate that I didn't have a job the past year so I could be with her. I feel like I can't move on with my life, I don't enjoy the things I used to. Everything reminds me of her. I don't know anything about your Mom or her situation but all you can do is be there for her, let her know she's not alone in this fight. I always said to my mom "we'll get through it all together." I always made her say everyday "I'm going to beat pancreatic cancer!" and she did beat it. I don't know if any of this helps but I so feel your pain and wish the best for you and your Mom.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 29th, 2010
I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer in December 2009
First, I want to say I am sorry for all your loses due to this lethal cancer. Pancreatic cancer is the least funded cancer from the government and it has only a 4 percent survival rate of five years if caught early. Sad to say, PC is not caught until it is in stage IV. I am still in shock and grieving from the loss of my Dad who was my hero and best friend. My Dad was enjoying a 3-week vacation, got back on a Wednesday and he was yellow all over by Saturday. On October 19, 2009, we found out that he had Pancreatic cancer that had spread and destroyed his bile ducts and was in the liver. He had a stent placed in his one bile duct which sent him to the ER because of infection. Once that cleared up, he was able to start chemo. He was only able to do chemo for two weeks and than was back in the hospital due to infections and he under went blood transfusions and more surgeries on the stent. The doctor who had placed the stent in him said that he probably had about 3-6 months. The oncologist would not give us a prognosis but said to give him a couple months. We had asked if he thought the cancer had spread and he said from what they could tell no. So after his second trip to the ER which kept him in the hospital for 2 weeks, he was not any better so we flew him to North Carolina to a specialist. Sad to say, the specialist discovered that the cancer had spread outside the liver so there was nothing more that could be done. He actually only gave him 48 hours to live. We paid the huge price of a medical flight back home because my Dad wanted to see all of us one last time. When he got back, he was coherent for about 3 days and than passed on December 22, 2009. Do we have questions of should we have gone to the specialist first instead of waiting. Who knows. No matter what, the cancer was going to win. It is the hardest thing in the world to see someone you love go through this. I am still grieving to this day. I go on because of my three young children and my husband. I learned more about PC than I ever wanted to know. With your parent having PC, your chances triple of getting PC. There is no early detection at this time. I have read that they are working on a scope or something like that for people that are at high risk but who knows at this point. Things I know will never be the same but will be different. Things will get easier in time. I find strength in God and my family and friends. I remain strong for my mom because my Dad did everything for her. Once he retired, he took over the cooking, shopping, cleaning and he did all the bills. So my mom has to do it all now. I made a promise to watch over my mom and take care of her for my Dad. My mom and I have always been close, but now we have formed a new bond in trying to help each other get over our grief. I wish no one ever had to go through this. My prayers are with all of you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 21st, 2010
help please.
hi, i am complete chaos right now. i still haven''t lost my mother. but she has been in stage 4 for some time (about 4 years now) and i don''t know what to do!!! i mean i want to be strong and still have the hope on not loosing her but the pain is just tooo much!!! is there something i can do to help my mommy? i know how it feels to love someone and i don''t want to face that emotion again. not now,. i have recently lost my grandmother (xmas 09'') not another death i hope. but i can''t stand seeing my mother in such pain anymore. is there something i can do?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 28th, 2010
Hi everyone - I was particularly moved by the folks sharing in the kind of unspeakable loss that I am going through at the moment: losing an adored parent. My dad passed away suddenly on April 3, 2010 at the age of 58. He was nauseous and had acid reflux for several weeks, which worsened quickly and he became jaundiced. Within just one month from the first onset of visible symptoms, he was extremely weak and was diagnosed at stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He battled bravely for four days in the hospital, and is greatly missed by all. Most of the family is still in shock. My twin sister and I turned 27 barely two weeks later. What an auspicious month. There is nothing as terrifying and devastating as losing a loved one to an aggressive, unforgiving disease pancreatic cancer -- of that I am convinced.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 20th, 2010
Im so glad I found this site. I just lost my father to lung cancer on Halloween. Its only been a few weeks...Im so lost. My mother and I are in shock. he was diagnosed a month ago with Stage 4 lung cancer and was given a year to live. Two days after he was told he had a year, he died of cardiac arrest. No heart problems what so ever. He was in bed with my mom and had a panic attack and it tured into cardiac arrest...he "scared" himself to death. he was so scared when he was diagnosed...it came out of NOWHERE. Im glad he didnt have to go through all the horrible treatments. he did have 3 days of radiation and he was a zombie. Its only the three of us...no siblings. Im so lost with out him. Im 32 years old and he was 59. This point in my life my mom and dad are truly my BEST FRIENDS. Im so worried about my mom...will she ever date? whos gonna shovel? whos gonna fix everything...we have to be strong women now! Im glad I come from a line of strong Women. Im so sorry for everyones loss...I know know Im not alone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 20th, 2010
Im so glad I found this site. I just lost my father to lung cancer on Halloween. Its only been a few weeks...Im so lost. My mother and I are in shock. he was diagnosed a month ago with Stage 4 lung cancer and was given a year to live. Two days after he was told he had a year, he died of cardiac arrest. No heart problems what so ever. He was in bed with my mom and had a panic attack and it tured into cardiac arrest...he "scared" himself to death. he was so scared when he was diagnosed...it came out of NOWHERE. Im glad he didnt have to go through all the horrible treatments. he did have 3 days of radiation and he was a zombie. Its only the three of us...no siblings. Im so lost with out him. Im 32 years old and he was 59. This point in my life my mom and dad are truly my BEST FRIENDS. Im so worried about my mom...will she ever date? whos gonna shovel? whos gonna fix everything...we have to be strong women now! Im glad I come from a line of strong Women. Im so sorry for everyones loss...I know know Im not alone.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 24th, 2010
hey everyone i lost her D':
she finally passed, 6 days after her birthday!
11 days before her closest sister.
i miss my mommy terribly. i just turned 20 and feel so lost my mother has departed and i lost my best friend...
her death hurts so much but i know i must stay strong for my younger siblings....
i love my mommy >.<
cancer in deed is something we must pay attention that and other diseases too.
i am glad others are posting there stories here too.
my heart goes out to all of you
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 25th, 2012
My children, ages 41 and 44, lost their father in 2003 to pancreatic cancer. He was such a stong man of great stamina that we all believed that is anyone could overcome the cancer that he would. Once he found out that he had pancreatic cancer he fought with all the tool that medical science could give him. It it was a terrible shock to lose him. His wife still grieves his loss. Understand that our loved ones have left us for a much better place. Think this way: Those on the other side grieved his loss when he chose to be born, and are now in a state of bliss upon his return. We shall also share that state of bliss with our loved ones.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 25th, 2012
Help
DId you ever start the support group because I really need something like that right now? Or can anyone else recommend any to me?
Please Thank U
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 22nd, 2012
Experienced User
Dear what now,

Although I don't have any details to work with, I can assume you have suffered a terrible loss.

You might call your local hospice. Only a few people know that the law mandates all hospices in the U.S. to provide grief counseling to the public free of charge. It doesn't matter that your loved one wasn't a hospice patient.

They aren't the answer to everything or for all but it's a starting point.

Hope this isn't too late.
|
Did you find this post helpful?