well it's thursday night, that's right new year's eve, I live in France, and from the time here I've got 20mins before I spend my new year with my parents downstairs.
Over these past few weeks, or months more like, I've started to feel a change, I've felt more bigheaded, more proud of myself, I take myself as a leader, dressed in classy clothes, etc... kinda like Peter Parker in Spiderman 3 when he turns to the dark side.
Over these past few weeks though I've lost friends, I've said to them I'm sorry for certain actions that Ive done, like not replying to their message, etc... but all they can do is criticise me saying how different I am, etc... and well I feel like I'm losing my mind.
How does one get to know one's self?
How does someone find inner peace?
You see I've become more obnoxious, bigheaded and "me me me" because all my life I've been that friendly guy who brushes off bad things that comes his way, and listened to other people's problems, etc... And now I can't take it anymore! doesn't anybody want to hear what I have to say?!?
That is what turned all this stuff on me, I started saying stuff about me a bit too much, and I started to feel more self-conscious, etc...
And I've lost that friendlyness I had, because I feel like the world was on my shoulders...
And now, 10mins before new year, some who are still my friends are with my ex-friends partying at their house and I'm left alone.
It's just a matter of time that they all turn to me, because I've realised that once I've made a couple of minor mistakes (not big mistakes like cheating) they start to turn on me, and there's nothing I can say or do to change their minds...
Howdy man. It's hard to tell, because I only heard your side of the story....it could aswell just all be in your head.
But from what you wrote, they seem like the kind of people that they accuse you of being.
They're selfish and try to make themselves look like victims of your egoism to get their will.
Just treat them nice, but without being their personal slave. If they treat you nicely too, its all fine, otherwise they arent worthy of any friendship anyways.
I believe you're right that maybe some of it is in my head (because I do think alot) but I believe the most of it is their wrong-doing.
I mean, I lost another friend because he asked me to do something and for once I said "no" at him. Is that crazy or what? not to mention, I was there for him during his hard times, HE even broke my arms (accident), broke a window and a glass at my house and smeered his blood on wallpaper whilst he was drunk, but I was there because he had personnal problems, but now, he doesn't deserve it, if he's calling me a jerk only because I said no to his favor, well then he doesn't deserve my friendship...
Ive done too much for him, but anyway it's his brother recently that I've lost as a friend, I liked him because he's a calm dude in his world, but I apologized to him for not replying to his invitation. But it's like I'm not allowed to make mistakes, it's crazy, I asked for him to phone me whenever he can so I can explain the problems that I'm facing in the present,
but he said "even writing this message to you is a chore and it's making me sick so why should I phone you?"
I'm looking around thinking : "What have I done EXTREMELY wrong to him, for him to say that?
have I said bad things to him? - no (in fact, in the previous message what I sent to him, I mentioned how much a great friend he has been for me)
Have I affended his family in anyway? - no"
I haven't done anything really wrong, I just forgot to reply to his invitation because I had issues from my side...